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[cnaorte]

I haven't updated this thing in forever...Oh well.

Do me a favor, Taylor, and pray for me to die.

Anyways, here's something that I wrote.

Comments

[obsessive24]

Sorry it took me so long to get around to this. My forte is not poetry, so I'm just gonna write some feedback for the short story. Notes as I go along, sorry in advance for the fragmented nature of the critique. This is too long to post in one comment, so one more to follow.

Liked the start. Two-step romance is a very cool description for the eyes.

Did not like the second paragraph much. Leaves crunch soundly seems quite awkward, and leaves emitting cries didn't work for me at all. I liked life from treetops to footsteps, but thought majestic was too strong a word for what it was describing.

Paragraph three typo: should be sore thumb. ;)

I think serenity resonating amongst the trees is a bit descriptive overkill. Resonating doesn't sit well with serenity. I think in some cases, the contradiction may be used to great effect; but here it just seems to sound a bit jarring without any real reason why that should be the case.

I’m not worthy to break the silence that encases us like a child clasping water in the makeshift goblet of her hands.
Very pretty image, but I don't actually know if it... makes sense? Do you mean to say "the silence encases us like a child's hands"? or "the silence encases us like water?" It kind of sends out mixed signals.

Very very pedantic note: laugh a little bit. Is it necessary to have both little and bit? When I write, I try to cut out all unnecessary words. Not sure if you would agree with that or anything, but just throwing it out there for the time being.

By the way your [you're] laughing

Love that the eyes were twirling and dipping, though in some ways it is also a strange image, that eyes would be performing such actions. Perhaps gaze would sit better in that context?

One swift pull and I am on my feet, by your side. I don’t let go of your hand.
Loved these two lines. Very smooth description of action.

Your windswept crimson hair catches a glint of golden sunrays and the light cascades to your cheeks
Too many adjectives. It paints a lovely picture, but sounds quite clunky. It kinda left me asking 'why was that so detailed and what purpose does that have, exactly?' You can probably achieve the same effect by saying something like: "Your windswept hair catches a glint of sun and the light cascades to your cheeks". The colour adjectives are cut; normally I'm a big fan of colour, but here it just doesn't seem all that necessary. Especially if you stress it is an auburn sea in the next sentence.