Colourgenics thing everyone's doing
Enough is enough - and you feel that you've had enough for a while. You don't need any more battles. You just would like to be able to shout 'stop' and experience a little peace and calm - even if it be only for a little while. This doesn't mean that you need to cut yourself off from the rest of the world - it just means that you are seeking some respite, some physical or emotional relaxation that could release some of the the tension and possibly reduce the internal conflict.
You are looking for excitement and stimulation and you are ready to try anything - but be careful not to take too many risks.
You are feeling under considerable pressure and you are being forced to make concessions. You are not particularly happy with this state of affairs but you feel that you have no alternative. If you were to force issues you would be left out or completely ignored by one and all.
Recently everything seems to have gone wrong and so you are experiencing considerable stress and anxiety due to mental conflict. A continuous case of 'Should I?' or 'Shouldn't I?'. At this particular moment in time you feel as if you have reached the end of your tether and it seems impossible to ever rectify the situation and so you have decided, perhaps quite unrealistically, to postpone making any further decisions. Disappointment and unfulfilled hopes have given rise to despondency. This conflict between hope and necessity is creating considerable pressure. Instead of resolving this by facing up to making the essential decision, you are likely to immerse yourself in the pursuit of trivialities as an escape route.
The tensions and stresses that you are experiencing at this time are, you feel, beyond your capabilities or your reserves of strength to cope with. You feel inadequate and in a constant state of anxiety.You are attempting to escape from this situation into a secure environment in which you may be permitted to relax and recover, free from outside interference.
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Am surprised at how close it can get to what I'm actually feeling. Been contemplating getting sick on NRP symposium day or something. Some people tell me after a year of work this symposium's something I should actually look forward to, since it's where I could showcase my findings. What I'm feeling now is far from the anticipation that they described. The fact that I had not done anything on my own but was lead around by my mentor for the entire program justifies my doubt in the value of the project. I don't feel like spinning out some cheem phrases just to make a vacuous project sound impressive on the day of presentation.
It would be okay if I managed to fool myself along with the many others I seek to fool by making such presentations. But how am I to shake off the consciousness I'm merely giving vague lines with little content to offer?
Generally, research programs are like boxes wrapped in showy, glamourous packaging, inviting people to pick them up. Only when the people take a look inside the package do they find emptiness in it. Of course, there are people who are interested enough to peer even closer at every corner of its interior, and perhaps by doing that they would be able to discover some secret gadgets that could lead them to uncover more. Otherwise, the supposedly enriching contents of such boxes remain rather well hidden from ordinary people who aren't interested enough to pry. Or, even when they are and they stumble across something worth exploring, their lack of competency to appreciate such may become the limiting factor that restrict their gains from the program.
Therefore unless you're highly talented and competent/extremely interested, going for a research program is little more than a means to increase the number of prestigious things you could record down in your portfolio. While it's completely alright to do that (I went for NRP for the same reason), I'm wondering if it's really worth the time.
You are looking for excitement and stimulation and you are ready to try anything - but be careful not to take too many risks.
You are feeling under considerable pressure and you are being forced to make concessions. You are not particularly happy with this state of affairs but you feel that you have no alternative. If you were to force issues you would be left out or completely ignored by one and all.
Recently everything seems to have gone wrong and so you are experiencing considerable stress and anxiety due to mental conflict. A continuous case of 'Should I?' or 'Shouldn't I?'. At this particular moment in time you feel as if you have reached the end of your tether and it seems impossible to ever rectify the situation and so you have decided, perhaps quite unrealistically, to postpone making any further decisions. Disappointment and unfulfilled hopes have given rise to despondency. This conflict between hope and necessity is creating considerable pressure. Instead of resolving this by facing up to making the essential decision, you are likely to immerse yourself in the pursuit of trivialities as an escape route.
The tensions and stresses that you are experiencing at this time are, you feel, beyond your capabilities or your reserves of strength to cope with. You feel inadequate and in a constant state of anxiety.You are attempting to escape from this situation into a secure environment in which you may be permitted to relax and recover, free from outside interference.
------
Am surprised at how close it can get to what I'm actually feeling. Been contemplating getting sick on NRP symposium day or something. Some people tell me after a year of work this symposium's something I should actually look forward to, since it's where I could showcase my findings. What I'm feeling now is far from the anticipation that they described. The fact that I had not done anything on my own but was lead around by my mentor for the entire program justifies my doubt in the value of the project. I don't feel like spinning out some cheem phrases just to make a vacuous project sound impressive on the day of presentation.
It would be okay if I managed to fool myself along with the many others I seek to fool by making such presentations. But how am I to shake off the consciousness I'm merely giving vague lines with little content to offer?
Generally, research programs are like boxes wrapped in showy, glamourous packaging, inviting people to pick them up. Only when the people take a look inside the package do they find emptiness in it. Of course, there are people who are interested enough to peer even closer at every corner of its interior, and perhaps by doing that they would be able to discover some secret gadgets that could lead them to uncover more. Otherwise, the supposedly enriching contents of such boxes remain rather well hidden from ordinary people who aren't interested enough to pry. Or, even when they are and they stumble across something worth exploring, their lack of competency to appreciate such may become the limiting factor that restrict their gains from the program.
Therefore unless you're highly talented and competent/extremely interested, going for a research program is little more than a means to increase the number of prestigious things you could record down in your portfolio. While it's completely alright to do that (I went for NRP for the same reason), I'm wondering if it's really worth the time.