Random thoughts
I was quite bored by Issues and Ideas (just yesterday I was reminded of its unfortunate existence) so I took an hour-long break rummaging through some of my most precious things - letters, photographs and the two entire files of memories. They totally cheered me up! Especially in the midst of mugging when I was starting to question I'm anything other than the sum of my mugging and needed some reminder of how lovely life actually is. <3
And I visited the NYCO blog when I came online (originally with the purpose of checking email and EMB). Was especially touched by the entries on Mrs Ee! They brought up something that I have never thought about before:
Our conductors have always encouraged us when we are down with low morale. They could always sense it when we are disheartened by substandard practices. They could always understand that when we underperform, it's because we are worn out by the multitude of other things we have to attend to.
But have we ever spared a conductor for his/her occassional unleash of temper, and considered that he/she might be bothered by something else? Is there a time we detected he/she is crestfallen and is losing faith? Has there been an instance we encouraged or reassured him/her?
As much as I like the conductors I have had, I have never done any of the above. Having always considered myself as one who respects the conductors and listens to (and enjoys learning from) what they say, I have always thought I'm doing enough. But is that so?
Of course one can point out that the roles of conductors and members in an orchestra are different, and unequal, especially in school orchestras where members are students before they are performers. The conductors, being professionals, are obliged to do all the above mentioned because that's what they are paid to do. Students, on the other hand, have no obligation to do the same for conductors. But must we make it such a calculated exchange? If the person holding the baton is someone who has made a difference in our lives, then I think it's natural to reciprocate. But the perplexing thing is, everyone seem to have just as naturally forgotten about reciprocating, probably because we're so used to being solely on the receiving end?
And one can also say that such reciprocation is not needed because conductors or teachers, with their years of experiences and the concomitant worned out passion turned indifference, should be sure enough of themselves to feel demoralised. Is that true?
Thinking back I've learnt more than just music from my dizi teacher and current conductor. They played a big role in shaping the perspective with which I see the world, they probably don't know (and don't really care?). They will probably never, because I know both of them will never read this blog.