AHHHHHHHHHH
So I made this promise to myself that when school started this semster, that I wouldn't get stressed out. Well yeah that totally didn't happen. I did 4 hours of homework on Friday and still was no where caught up, I feel like it's just never going to end. I'm just sick of studying, sick of doing homework and sick of going to class. My mom said that this is my job... but I really don't have an incentive like money. LOL
Sometimes I just feel like that my life was so in order when I started school three years ago, and now I have no idea where it's going. I have no idea what I want to do with my life, if I don't get an internship this summer I'm never going to get a job once I graduate, sometimes I feel like i'm just not good enough to compete in the field of Journalism and am not able to be successful in this field, and I just feel like I'm never going to be happy again. I was so happy freshman year. I knew what I wanted out of life, I knew what I wanted to do, I had this drive in me to accomplish my goals and not to let anything get in my way, I was happy with Nate. We obviously were more than friends back then, but I don't know what else we were. He truly made me happy. He is the only guy I've ever met that has truly made me happy. I just wish I knew if we were gonna have a future together or not. If not, I wish I could get past these feelings of wanting to be more than friends and find someone that I truly want to be with. I have to say without Nate in my life, I honestly don't know where I would be right now. The kid obviously cares about me or he wouldn't answer his phone at all times of the day. I mean sometimes he pisses me off, but I do care about him so much. He may not understand what I'm going through all the time, but he tries to and just lets me vent. I'm so glad he called me tonight, I wish he wasn't so far away and he could have just come to pick me up. I don't know where we would have went, but it would have been somewhere away from here. I know running away is not the way to solve your problems, but getting away for a little while would make things better. I just wish he could come and give me a hug. Maybe he will come see me this weekend, I could really just use the company and get my mind off of things.
Got into a fight with my dad tonight. Sometimes I feel like he only looks at things from his point of view. When was I supposed to talk to him, he's never home when I call, and it's never a good time to talk about anything. Sometimes I feel like I'm just not good enough anymore: Robbie has the RA job, gets free room and board and knows what he wants to do with his life. I on the other hand lost my scholarship, am stressed out beyond belief with classes and just don't know what I want to do with my life anymore. Plus my mom always tells me how much she hates when people put her in the middle of things with dad, well I just did so she is probaly gonna be pissed at me now too. Sometimes I just wish I could run away for a little while. Start something new! The only thing keeping me going right now is my friends here.
On the note of running away, I had a dream last night about being in Prague in the Czech Republic and it was so beautiful. Maybe that's my answer I just need to go to Europe, maybe I should look in to that internship in London. Maybe I'll love it so much that it will be the answer to all of my problems. I just don't know anymore!!!!!!
Sometimes I just feel like that my life was so in order when I started school three years ago, and now I have no idea where it's going. I have no idea what I want to do with my life, if I don't get an internship this summer I'm never going to get a job once I graduate, sometimes I feel like i'm just not good enough to compete in the field of Journalism and am not able to be successful in this field, and I just feel like I'm never going to be happy again. I was so happy freshman year. I knew what I wanted out of life, I knew what I wanted to do, I had this drive in me to accomplish my goals and not to let anything get in my way, I was happy with Nate. We obviously were more than friends back then, but I don't know what else we were. He truly made me happy. He is the only guy I've ever met that has truly made me happy. I just wish I knew if we were gonna have a future together or not. If not, I wish I could get past these feelings of wanting to be more than friends and find someone that I truly want to be with. I have to say without Nate in my life, I honestly don't know where I would be right now. The kid obviously cares about me or he wouldn't answer his phone at all times of the day. I mean sometimes he pisses me off, but I do care about him so much. He may not understand what I'm going through all the time, but he tries to and just lets me vent. I'm so glad he called me tonight, I wish he wasn't so far away and he could have just come to pick me up. I don't know where we would have went, but it would have been somewhere away from here. I know running away is not the way to solve your problems, but getting away for a little while would make things better. I just wish he could come and give me a hug. Maybe he will come see me this weekend, I could really just use the company and get my mind off of things.
Got into a fight with my dad tonight. Sometimes I feel like he only looks at things from his point of view. When was I supposed to talk to him, he's never home when I call, and it's never a good time to talk about anything. Sometimes I feel like I'm just not good enough anymore: Robbie has the RA job, gets free room and board and knows what he wants to do with his life. I on the other hand lost my scholarship, am stressed out beyond belief with classes and just don't know what I want to do with my life anymore. Plus my mom always tells me how much she hates when people put her in the middle of things with dad, well I just did so she is probaly gonna be pissed at me now too. Sometimes I just wish I could run away for a little while. Start something new! The only thing keeping me going right now is my friends here.
On the note of running away, I had a dream last night about being in Prague in the Czech Republic and it was so beautiful. Maybe that's my answer I just need to go to Europe, maybe I should look in to that internship in London. Maybe I'll love it so much that it will be the answer to all of my problems. I just don't know anymore!!!!!!