Sex in God's country--or not
More from Believers: A Journey into Evangelical America by Jeffery Scheler. Scheler describes going to a Christian youth music festival and seeing BarlowGirls, a Christian girl group, perform and discuss their conviction that "God did not want them or their young Christian fans to get caught up in the messiness of boyfriend-girlfriend relationships." They say, in explaining this conviction,
"So we're all mad. We're like, 'Why don't you want us to date, God? What's the deal with that?'" she said, recalling how they had prayed for God's guidance and received what they believe was God's answer. 'And he's like, "Because I have not created my children's hearts to broken"'" (202).
Furthermore, according to the group's website,
"We believe that God has one perfect man already chosen for us; therefore we have no need to worry ourselves in searching for him. When the time is right we know God will bring us together. In the meantime we are not hiding in a closet avoiding all males. We are still living our lives without the pressure of having to have a boyfriend."
Given contemporary culture's emphases on defining yourself through your relationships and the necessity of finding a boyfriend in order to feel complete, the last statement is somewhat liberating, and may even approach feminist. It questions that ideology and encourages girls to live their own lives instead of spending their lives looking for a boy to complete them.
But the rest of it? The rest is just weird. God has a perfect man on hold for me? Really? Just squirreled away somewhere? That puts God in a very hands-on position regarding my love life. I'm not sure how I feel about that concept. Furthermore, this "no dating" philosophy doesn't in the end actually move the emphasis away from boys and relationships, just away from a sensible approach to the same. The end goal is still the same (or close to the same)--man, relationship, marriage. The difference is that in this version, there is little to tell the parties involved that they will be compatible or to show them how to be in a relationship, since they have no practice in that area.
In short, instead of being a liberating feminist idea, this limits girls' futures in a very specific way. And, given conservative Christianity's ideas about marriage and gender roles, what happens to the independence these girls may attain through "living [their] lives without the pressure of having to have a boyfriend" when they marry their God-provided mate? Hmmm....
Furthermore, in the context of such programs as True Love Waits or Purity Balls (described here and here) and purity rings, and in the context of abstinence-only education (which is also associated with conservative Christianity), BarlowGirls' statement is disturbing.
It's one thing to make an individual choice to refrain from sex (or dating) because you are not ready. It's quite another to refrain from sex because of a sense of obligation to your church, your father (as in Purity Balls and rings), or your friends (a great example of this being the masturband). The first is a means of taking charge of one's own sexuality, of owning one's own body. That is a wonderful feminist idea. The second is a means of relinquishing control of one's sexuality and body and, perhaps worse, one's attitudes toward sexuality and the body to others.
This, even in its most mundane forms, can lead to problems: Got Shame?.
"So we're all mad. We're like, 'Why don't you want us to date, God? What's the deal with that?'" she said, recalling how they had prayed for God's guidance and received what they believe was God's answer. 'And he's like, "Because I have not created my children's hearts to broken"'" (202).
Furthermore, according to the group's website,
"We believe that God has one perfect man already chosen for us; therefore we have no need to worry ourselves in searching for him. When the time is right we know God will bring us together. In the meantime we are not hiding in a closet avoiding all males. We are still living our lives without the pressure of having to have a boyfriend."
Given contemporary culture's emphases on defining yourself through your relationships and the necessity of finding a boyfriend in order to feel complete, the last statement is somewhat liberating, and may even approach feminist. It questions that ideology and encourages girls to live their own lives instead of spending their lives looking for a boy to complete them.
But the rest of it? The rest is just weird. God has a perfect man on hold for me? Really? Just squirreled away somewhere? That puts God in a very hands-on position regarding my love life. I'm not sure how I feel about that concept. Furthermore, this "no dating" philosophy doesn't in the end actually move the emphasis away from boys and relationships, just away from a sensible approach to the same. The end goal is still the same (or close to the same)--man, relationship, marriage. The difference is that in this version, there is little to tell the parties involved that they will be compatible or to show them how to be in a relationship, since they have no practice in that area.
In short, instead of being a liberating feminist idea, this limits girls' futures in a very specific way. And, given conservative Christianity's ideas about marriage and gender roles, what happens to the independence these girls may attain through "living [their] lives without the pressure of having to have a boyfriend" when they marry their God-provided mate? Hmmm....
Furthermore, in the context of such programs as True Love Waits or Purity Balls (described here and here) and purity rings, and in the context of abstinence-only education (which is also associated with conservative Christianity), BarlowGirls' statement is disturbing.
It's one thing to make an individual choice to refrain from sex (or dating) because you are not ready. It's quite another to refrain from sex because of a sense of obligation to your church, your father (as in Purity Balls and rings), or your friends (a great example of this being the masturband). The first is a means of taking charge of one's own sexuality, of owning one's own body. That is a wonderful feminist idea. The second is a means of relinquishing control of one's sexuality and body and, perhaps worse, one's attitudes toward sexuality and the body to others.
This, even in its most mundane forms, can lead to problems: Got Shame?.