It's been a while....
I haven't been on in some time. A whole month to be exact. My internet wasn't working.
I have been in a bad place for a while now. I feel alone. I am alone. I am still dealing with medicine, doctors, and seizures. I had to drop out of school this semester (summer) AGAIN. I am having a video EEG done for 3-7 days at Stanford. It starts on July 14th. I am hoping this is the last hurdle. I am praying that after this, I will finally be able to live my life. When I say live, I don't mean to be breathing and walking. When I say "live" I mean, I want to feel happy again. To feel like I have something to live for. At this point I have no one to go to. I mean I am still going to therapy, to basically hear the same things over and over and over again ("are you sure you don't want to consider anti-depressants?"). I have pretty much tarnished every relationship around me. With my family, my friends.
Some people are calling me selfish. That me feeling horrible about whats going on is selfish? how can that be? I mean, sure if I had asked or provoked this in anyway, I would admit it. But this is a burden that was put upon me by God, Karma, Fate. Whatever you want to call it. But, NO WHERE and at NO TIME did I have a decision or a say about this happening to me. I'm so sick of everyone second guessing me, doubting me. Soon enough people are going to be saying that I am faking it.
WHAT HAS HAPPENED TO THE WORLDS COMPASSION?
I have been in a bad place for a while now. I feel alone. I am alone. I am still dealing with medicine, doctors, and seizures. I had to drop out of school this semester (summer) AGAIN. I am having a video EEG done for 3-7 days at Stanford. It starts on July 14th. I am hoping this is the last hurdle. I am praying that after this, I will finally be able to live my life. When I say live, I don't mean to be breathing and walking. When I say "live" I mean, I want to feel happy again. To feel like I have something to live for. At this point I have no one to go to. I mean I am still going to therapy, to basically hear the same things over and over and over again ("are you sure you don't want to consider anti-depressants?"). I have pretty much tarnished every relationship around me. With my family, my friends.
Some people are calling me selfish. That me feeling horrible about whats going on is selfish? how can that be? I mean, sure if I had asked or provoked this in anyway, I would admit it. But this is a burden that was put upon me by God, Karma, Fate. Whatever you want to call it. But, NO WHERE and at NO TIME did I have a decision or a say about this happening to me. I'm so sick of everyone second guessing me, doubting me. Soon enough people are going to be saying that I am faking it.
WHAT HAS HAPPENED TO THE WORLDS COMPASSION?