Ups and downs, i'm all over the place.
I feel like one day I am on top of the world, and then the next day I wake up feeling like I want to kill myself. It's so draining. I don't have a lot of energy today. I kind of feel...Alone...anxious...tense...I can't quite put my finger on it. I am definitely driving myself insane though. I haven't been exercising a lot lately. I have only gone 1x this week (so far) and I usually go about 3-5x a week. Maybe that is why I feel so down in the dumps.
I put so much pressure on myself to have friends, to have something to do all the time, to lose weight, to go to the gym as much as I can as long as I can, to be the perfect person that I find myself making myself cry. I put myself down more than anyone else. There is no one in the world who hurts me as much as I hurt myself. I feel so shut off from the world. I have hardened my heart from people. I am only 19 y/o I am tooo young to have a hardened heart, but I can't help it. I feel like that is the only way I will always have control. I can't let that control go, not just yet. But if I don't let it go soon, I may end up destroying myself in the end.
I put so much pressure on myself to have friends, to have something to do all the time, to lose weight, to go to the gym as much as I can as long as I can, to be the perfect person that I find myself making myself cry. I put myself down more than anyone else. There is no one in the world who hurts me as much as I hurt myself. I feel so shut off from the world. I have hardened my heart from people. I am only 19 y/o I am tooo young to have a hardened heart, but I can't help it. I feel like that is the only way I will always have control. I can't let that control go, not just yet. But if I don't let it go soon, I may end up destroying myself in the end.