growing pains
ok so i've come to realize that kids grow up too damn quick. caitlyn is ending her fourth year of dance.... her recital is next saturday. i still remember her very first recital when she was almost 3, i cried, she was too damn cute and the song "when i grow up" it was just so emotional, now here she is almost 7 and is doing three numbers this year ballet tap and jazz. this is her first year of taking on more than one, and im just as much of an emotinal wreck as i was the very first time. once again i had to go get her new tap shoes and the right color ballet slippers, and it dawned on me shes not a baby anymore, seeing her tell the lady they are the wrong shoes, i realize shes no longer dependent on me 100%, i want to cry. she no longer needs me there holding her hand, i keep hearing its ok mommie i got it.....i can do it.. i guess its worse because she is my baby, yes i got emotional when jefrey no longer needed my help but in a different way he was always independent, and a lil man from the start. caitlyn has always been needier, i guess because shes a girl. i was ok when jeff first wanted his training wheels off, i rallied "go jeff "as he pedaled away, with caitlyn, i gasped as she rode away. doing what moms do running behind with arms out to catch her, i know they grow up, we cant stop that, but how do u make it not hurt so much? i fell so un-needed. why is it they grow and we get the growing pains?