trying to justify...
well i just got a phone cal a lil while ago from my brother in law. Its always good to hear from him since we dont get to see much of him cuz he is in cali...anyway he was told to pass on some information to us..it seams their (our) great grandmother, my childrens great great grandmother passed away. i was taken back for a moment until i asked when and he said tuesday....um today is friday, ok so i asked well when is the funeral "i think tomorrow morning" WTF?!?! nothing against him he was doing what was asked but damn we live 20 mins from all of them and no fucking phone call no nothing he is 3000 miles away and he know everything before we do.so im sitting here trying to reason with myself...is that fucked up or what. 9 pm the night before we find out oh by the way....kevin just started weekend nights while some guy is out for surgery si hes working 12 hr weeekend shifts 6-6 frid sat and sunday. which if we were told this new wensday or even thursday we could have been there. i would go bymyself but i have to take jeffrey to football equipment pick up which again if i knew before hand i could have gone today to pick up the stuff. then theres the issue that i cant even send something as a condolence because its after 9 pm and the viewing is 10 am tommorrow. so again in trying to justify how this could possibly ne...we have had the same number for 6 fucking years same adress for 4...and yet noone can contact us. so now i feel even shittier cuz we are gonna look selfish and arrogant for not attending, or offering our condolences..but its not our fault. they hate me for what happenned 9 mother fucking years ago...damn people give it up, and opebn ur fucking eyes i am not going anywhere . we will be celebrating our 7th wedding anniversary in two weeks.even if u dont like me at least accept me damn...noone is perfect and they of all people shouldnt be casting stones. anyway what does one do in this situation? i want to send something to the house to send our war wishes but at the same time do i disclose why we were unable to attend or do i leave it be letting them find more reason to cast me aside. do i say its because of the stupid crazy bitch of a mother my husband has, only i would say it in very nice words of course...so i sit here trying to justify why they can call me on my shit but hush dont press upon theirs.....