I'm back like gauchos in the summer time
So after a REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEALLY long sabbatical the prodigal daughter returns to reclaim her spot on your friend's page. I think my little habit of going into hiding when my emotions run high is becoming progressively less productive but I know that the main reason I do it is because I get so engulfed in my emotions and become so intense that I feel it necessary to hide that part of me away from the world. Just more trauma left over from both my childhood and my extremely rock break up with you know who. Most folks I know see that as weakness or in some cases insanity. It's weird to me that some people are so numb to everything and because I'm not I get scrutinized and ridiculed often. So I have asked myself what the big deal is on several occasions and all I can surmise is that I am just one of those people that get passionate about fictional characters in moves, connect with artist because of how their music moves me, and is generally a bleeding heart when you get right down to it. The big question is, am I all right with that? And if this is something about me that I cannot stomach, can I change it? Should I change it? You know I realize that their are certain things about ourselves that like it or not want it or not make us uniquely us and that to alter it would be a violation of self and an injustice of the worst kind. I just don't know if my hypersensitive nature is one of them. Now don't get me wrong I am no member of the Mickey mouse club (though in the late 80's and early 90's I LOOOOOVED that show, that and kids inc. but I digress) I get mad as hell like everyone else but when I do it, I DO IT! Everything I feel I feel big it’s all amplified and I just fear people shying away from that.
You know I really wish I could just take off work for like a month and travel. Go visit people and get rejuvenated so to speak. I need inspiration right now. I need it like I need air. So much has been going on that I have become emotionally and mentally exhausted... This is not good. I think I am still going to look into taking that leave after this next semester. Maybe do some work from home type crap and just focus on school and creativity. Cameron would love that and it would be a good break from the rat race. Hell at that point I'd only have two semesters to go and I am sure I could make do for a few months. Something to consider.
I just feel so isolated and not because of the things that I have put in place but I guess life has kind of put me there where the only person I really interact with outside of work is Cameron and as entertaining as he is and as much as his capacity for conversation has grown it’s still no substitute for adult companionship. Now as we all know women my age have little interest in sitting up under some soft legs all the time and I know that I am not ready to try to have a male companion that would just further complicate my life right now, at least when it comes to these sex seeking dudes here they don’t know the meaning of friendship and I haven’t the patience to be takin a brotha to school right now. On another note… Where in the hell have all my people gone ? I miss everyone both “real world friends” and efriends…
Sean???
Nia???
Truth ???
Smooches???
Scribe (Cynthia scribe)???
You know I really wish I could just take off work for like a month and travel. Go visit people and get rejuvenated so to speak. I need inspiration right now. I need it like I need air. So much has been going on that I have become emotionally and mentally exhausted... This is not good. I think I am still going to look into taking that leave after this next semester. Maybe do some work from home type crap and just focus on school and creativity. Cameron would love that and it would be a good break from the rat race. Hell at that point I'd only have two semesters to go and I am sure I could make do for a few months. Something to consider.
I just feel so isolated and not because of the things that I have put in place but I guess life has kind of put me there where the only person I really interact with outside of work is Cameron and as entertaining as he is and as much as his capacity for conversation has grown it’s still no substitute for adult companionship. Now as we all know women my age have little interest in sitting up under some soft legs all the time and I know that I am not ready to try to have a male companion that would just further complicate my life right now, at least when it comes to these sex seeking dudes here they don’t know the meaning of friendship and I haven’t the patience to be takin a brotha to school right now. On another note… Where in the hell have all my people gone ? I miss everyone both “real world friends” and efriends…
Sean???
Nia???
Truth ???
Smooches???
Scribe (Cynthia scribe)???