About yesterday...
Nothing in my world ever seems to be cut and dry. Its almost as if the enigma of my being, somehow infects those around me. I suppose I make things more difficult by over analyzing them, still I cant help but be mindful of the law of cause and effect. It is inevitable that every action will have an equal and opposite reaction. But is that true in life as it is in nature and science?
Last night I almost did something I never do…well don’t make a practice of anyway. Ok let me put away the pedestal and be frank. I’m no angel I have slept with men after knowing them only a short amount of time before and I haven’t always regretted it but more often than not I was left feeling like it was a waste.
If every person you have sex with retains a part of you and you them then it would stand to reason that you can only give away so much before you are used up. That being so I cant help but feel that sex with someone I have no chance of a future with is a waste, a waste of energy, and in a very real way a waste of self, of my own life force my very essence. I don’t want to squander myself and I damn sure don’t want to put myself in a position where I am that vulnerable. I know its 2007 and the whole world is into this instant gratification thing but I just think some things need to move at a slower pace. And when you get right down to it can something so instantaneous ever really grow? Can something that started at the finish line go back and run the race?