So much of nothing.
Been a long time..
I should have a shitload to write about, considering I haven't updated in forever. But I really dont. My life is the same as it always has been. Same old problems, day after day. I still have the same people coming in and out making me laugh and cry.
Im sitting at my mothers right now freezing my ass off. They need to do something about the heat in the basement. It appears that my mother is dying.. yet again. I know.. she's dying from a new disease every few months. But this time it's the C word again, and ya all know I really dont like talking about it. She's been going through some shit with my dad and I want to beat his ass. He can turn in to the biggest fucking jerk. On the bright side whenever I start to forget why Im gay and really can't stand being around men I can just come over here and it all comes back to me.
I left my job at the center over the past summer. I do miss it sometimes. I miss my patients and a couple of the people I worked with. I realllllyyy miss Lisa. When I got the tattoo on my ankle we went together. It was fun. I should call her and see what she's been up to. I should call a lot of people and let them know Im not dead, but that I just pulled another "Christina fell off the face of the earth stunt again".
I have been freaking out the past two or so weeks. Over what you may ask? Love. Of course it's love. What else do I freak out about? It has been so long since I've been with anyone. And Im not talking about sex.. believe me I've had sex and plenty of it in the past year or so but I was never WITH any of them. (Frankly, I couldnt wait for them to leave when I was done) But I met someone, and she is perfect. I dont think I have ever felt this way before. I've been in love, thats no secret. But I am so comfortable and calm around her, and it feels like my heart just swells when she's around me. Its never been like that before. Im so scared. At this point in my life I dont think I could handle being hurt. And it's not like I have therapy to fall back on. I stopped going months ago.
Sometimes I get so angry at the women who have hurt me. They made me this way. Damnit, I was always ready and willing to fall in love with someone. Now the thought of it scares the fuck out of me. I want to let it happen.. I have to let it happen. I don't want to loose her. I am actually happy when Im with her, and Im never happy. I've turned into this cynical bitch and I hate that. I want her so badly. I wonder how long it will take before I fuck this one up.
I should have a shitload to write about, considering I haven't updated in forever. But I really dont. My life is the same as it always has been. Same old problems, day after day. I still have the same people coming in and out making me laugh and cry.
Im sitting at my mothers right now freezing my ass off. They need to do something about the heat in the basement. It appears that my mother is dying.. yet again. I know.. she's dying from a new disease every few months. But this time it's the C word again, and ya all know I really dont like talking about it. She's been going through some shit with my dad and I want to beat his ass. He can turn in to the biggest fucking jerk. On the bright side whenever I start to forget why Im gay and really can't stand being around men I can just come over here and it all comes back to me.
I left my job at the center over the past summer. I do miss it sometimes. I miss my patients and a couple of the people I worked with. I realllllyyy miss Lisa. When I got the tattoo on my ankle we went together. It was fun. I should call her and see what she's been up to. I should call a lot of people and let them know Im not dead, but that I just pulled another "Christina fell off the face of the earth stunt again".
I have been freaking out the past two or so weeks. Over what you may ask? Love. Of course it's love. What else do I freak out about? It has been so long since I've been with anyone. And Im not talking about sex.. believe me I've had sex and plenty of it in the past year or so but I was never WITH any of them. (Frankly, I couldnt wait for them to leave when I was done) But I met someone, and she is perfect. I dont think I have ever felt this way before. I've been in love, thats no secret. But I am so comfortable and calm around her, and it feels like my heart just swells when she's around me. Its never been like that before. Im so scared. At this point in my life I dont think I could handle being hurt. And it's not like I have therapy to fall back on. I stopped going months ago.
Sometimes I get so angry at the women who have hurt me. They made me this way. Damnit, I was always ready and willing to fall in love with someone. Now the thought of it scares the fuck out of me. I want to let it happen.. I have to let it happen. I don't want to loose her. I am actually happy when Im with her, and Im never happy. I've turned into this cynical bitch and I hate that. I want her so badly. I wonder how long it will take before I fuck this one up.