It's so amazing how a few words can hurt so bad. . .
Especially when those words come from someone you love, and who is supposed to love you back. When you are trying your best to be the happy go lucky young soul that everyone wants you to be. When you push your current problems to the back of your mind and put on a fake smile so that everyone thinks that you're ok. When you use up energy that you just don't have to make everyone else happy.
And then they turn and tell you that you're depressing. And that they're sick of putting up with your shit.
It hurts. Really badly.
I understand that I have my moments when I just want to be left alone. The moods where I don't even want someone to look at me. The times when the slightest touch from someone makes me angry. I know that I have those times. But I hate to be told that I'm depressing. And I hate it when more than one person that I love tells me that.
Perhaps I'm depressing because I've been through more shit in my lifetime than any of you guys will ever have to go through. Maybe I'm just sick of getting hurt all the time, so by making myself seem angry and depressed, it doesn't allow people to get close to me, therefore eliminating the chance that I get hurt. Maybe it's my way of calling out to everyone and saying that I'm not ok, and that I need a little bit of help.
But then again, most people just ignore me when I need someone the most. They don't understand the hurt that I feel inside everytime a certain name is said. The agony that I go through everytime I see someone. The sadness that wells up inside of me when a song that was "our song" plays.
Yeah, I may be depressing. I may be angry. But I'm not hurting anymore.
Well, I wasn't. Not until you hurt me with those words. . .
Maybe the world would be a better place if I HAD succeeded in my suicide attempts.
Maybe then you wouldn't get frustraited with me..huh?
And then they turn and tell you that you're depressing. And that they're sick of putting up with your shit.
It hurts. Really badly.
I understand that I have my moments when I just want to be left alone. The moods where I don't even want someone to look at me. The times when the slightest touch from someone makes me angry. I know that I have those times. But I hate to be told that I'm depressing. And I hate it when more than one person that I love tells me that.
Perhaps I'm depressing because I've been through more shit in my lifetime than any of you guys will ever have to go through. Maybe I'm just sick of getting hurt all the time, so by making myself seem angry and depressed, it doesn't allow people to get close to me, therefore eliminating the chance that I get hurt. Maybe it's my way of calling out to everyone and saying that I'm not ok, and that I need a little bit of help.
But then again, most people just ignore me when I need someone the most. They don't understand the hurt that I feel inside everytime a certain name is said. The agony that I go through everytime I see someone. The sadness that wells up inside of me when a song that was "our song" plays.
Yeah, I may be depressing. I may be angry. But I'm not hurting anymore.
Well, I wasn't. Not until you hurt me with those words. . .
Maybe the world would be a better place if I HAD succeeded in my suicide attempts.
Maybe then you wouldn't get frustraited with me..huh?