Devoured by Lions
Title: Devoured by Lions
Author: Shelly - cosmosmariner
Pairing: past Aaron Rodgers/Ryan Braun, unrequited Aaron Rodgers/Matt Flynn
Rating: PG
Summary: Aaron is broken, in many ways.
Distribution: Please ask me first, otherwise go for it!
Author's Note: Third is what's apparently now an ongoing series based on Aaron. You will need to have read "Like Regular Dudes" and "Flames to Dust" to get an idea of what's going on. You can find these by clicking the RPS tag located at the bottom.
---
He knew.
He knew the moment that he went back into the locker room to get checked out that he was going to be out of commission. There would be no other recourse. The pain was so dense that every time he took a deep breath, little meteors would streak in front of his eyes and hot, stabbing pain would flow into his body like lava in his blood.
The Packers would need to rely on Seneca, but Aaron knew that Seneca was no good. He told Mike all day long that they needed someone who could read the opposing team's defense, who could make the quick plays that the Packers were known for. Someone who could fire them off to Jordy and James, but also fake it and pass it off to Eddie Lacy and be able to fool everyone into thinking he was still in the pocket.
Aaron knew Seneca wasn't that man.
There was a kid on the practice squad that the front office liked. His name was Scott Tolzien. Nice guy, really seemed to have his head on straight. Why they didn't bring him in to be Aaron's backup, he didn't know, but he would sometimes sneak down to the practice squad's scrimmages and watch the guy prepare, and then he'd have a weird feeling in the pit of his stomach.
It was like watching Flynn.
Aaron sometimes thought about Flynn, the crazy road he'd traveled since leaving Green Bay. He missed him. He especially missed him now, with everything that had happened in the last few months.
Little by little, the parts of Aaron's life that he had shared with Ryan were being stripped away. The restaurant was gone; they renamed it, remodeled it, took everything Ryan out of it. He didn't watch baseball at all, had completely forgotten about the World Series. He had drank the last of Ryan's favorite beer a week after Ryan walked out and never restocked it.
Sometimes he was fine, and then out of nowhere Aaron would remember something stupid that Ryan would say, or he'd walk into Coffee Bean and Tea Leaf and someone would be wearing the same scent that Ryan would wear, and it all came flooding back. He missed Ryan's smile, and his sick sense of humor, and a million other things. Every day he fought the urge to text him, just to see how he was doing, but that seemed like the dumbest thing that he could do.
Besides, Ryan was the one who left him. He wasn't going to give him the satisfaction of needing him.
In the dark, lying in his bed, he could sometimes feel Ryan there, spooned against him the way he liked to, feel his lean, hard body against his. But lately, he would think about a different body, a different smile, a more infectious laugh.
He still had a bit of a thing for Flynn. Those types of feelings don't die easily, even if you had the kind of relationship that Aaron had with Ryan. Flynn was still that guy who made him smile, made him feel a little warm inside. Flynn never gave him reason to doubt, and Flynn never broke his heart deliberately.
Flynn was the friendly guy he'd always been. Flynn was still Flynn, and Ryan was just a guy that Aaron used to know.
Aaron focused on the here and now, and not the past. What happened happened, and Flynn was in Buffalo now, biding his time. He wouldn't be needed in Green Bay; Seneca would be starting for him until he could move his shoulder without feeling like he was going to vomit. They moved Scott up to be the backup, just in case. Aaron wasn't completely confident, but he didn't have a choice. It was imperative to show solidarity, even if he knew Seneca was a lost cause.
He hadn't talked to Flynn in a while. For a week after Ryan left for good, Aaron and Flynn traded a few texts, his old friend trying to keep Aaron's spirits up. He hadn't texted him in a few weeks, mostly because he'd been busy and Flynn was being bounced around from the Raiders to the Bills. He had heard on ESPN that the Bills released him, and while he was sad for his friend, he was a little excited.
Maybe Mike would take another look at him? Maybe the front office would get off their collective ass and sign a quarterback who would actually work in their system?
Maybe pigs would fly across Lombardi Avenue, too.
Less than five minutes into the next game, alarm bells started ringing. Damn it all to hell. Seneca got hurt, and here was Scott being thrown to the lions. Thankfully not the literal Lions, because Aaron was sure that Suh would have killed Scott, but it was just as vicious and bloody as being eaten alive by giant jungle cats. But here was the thing that Aaron found interesting: Scott wasn't too bad. Here's this kid who had less than a week to prepare, to learn their playbook, and didn't even get reps, and now he's the Packers' only hope for salvation.
Well, that and if the defense would have shown up, which they didn't. But Scott had nothing to do with that.
Now Aaron was out, Seneca was out, and they have a quarterback who was so young and green he might as well be a tadpole. He liked what he saw in Scott, but there was still so much for that kid to learn. What would happen if he, too, was hurt? They needed someone just in case.
They made noise about other guys, established league backups, assorted wash outs and third stringers. They kept ignoring the elephant in the room, a big elephant with a cheesy grin, used to wear number ten.
Aaron wondered if the fans would see the obvious solution. He wondered if the team would see it. He went online immediately after Scott finished up the game and saw Donald's tweet. Saw other people's tweets, their Facebook posts. It wasn't just him. People started clamoring for Flynn.
Aaron kept his focus on recovery. Putting on socks without his collarbone feeling like it was going to pop out of his skin, not grinding his teeth when he went to scrub his back in the shower. The sooner he was cleared to play, the sooner that he could get the Packers back on track. It was his team, damn it. His team, and he wanted to get back to it, but he needed to know his team was in good hands while he was out of the driver's seat.
Rumors started to fly. The front office, and Mike, played everything hush-hush. He didn't know if they were going to sign Flynn or not. They had contacted him, he came to Green Bay to work out, but they had contacted a few other guys, too.
Aaron felt nervous, for some stupid reason.
Later that evening, he got a text. "Wanna grab a pizza like old times?"
And just like that, Flynn was back in his life.
---
Aaron was dressed down for practice, but he still went, trying to do all he could to get ready for the future. He was still in awful shape and didn't have any hope to getting a start until Thanksgiving, but if he had to be hands off, it was still his responsibility to be there, be the leader.
He walked into the locker room and decided to shoot the breeze with the guys, catching up, talking about strategy, picking guys' brains, when he heard a roar come up from some of the others in the far corner of the room.
Some of the guys were calling out pleasantries, others were whistling. Aaron heard a couple of back slaps, a few "all right, man!"s. He didn't need to look up to know that Flynn had made his way into the locker room, and then he heard rustling behind him.
"Hey, Aaron. Aren't you gonna say something to your old pal?"
Aaron turned around. Flynn stood there, large as life, huge grin lighting up his face as usual. He looked the same. He looked great.
Aaron knew that things were different. A few years had passed since the last time Flynn had been in this locker room. Donald was gone. Jennings was gone. Aaron had begun, then messily ended, a serious relationship. Flynn himself had gotten married only recently. So, sure, things were different, but seeing Matt standing there, as cheerful and good natured as ever, made Aaron feel like he was going back in time.
He smiled at his old friend. "Yeah. I bet you five bucks you will fuck up the photobomb this Sunday."
Flynn grinned again. "You're on, bozo."
The team suited up and went to practice. Tolzien was taking all the snaps; Mike had already announced that he would be the starter against the Giants. Scott was working hard, and Aaron watched eagerly. Scott had obviously studied up, and the longer that Aaron watched him, the more he noticed that Scott had a hunger and desire to win. That was what being a Packer was about, and Aaron had a little more hope that this kid wasn't going to bring them down to the pits of hell.
He still felt like something was going to blow up, though. Scott was just too green, too inexperienced. A few weeks of practice wasn't going to turn Scott Tolzien into Aaron Rodgers, and everyone knew it.
Afterwards, reporters surrounded Aaron and asked for his opinion on the Packers' chances, what he thought about Tolzien, piddly stuff that he didn't want to talk about.
One reporter from the Journal-Sentinel again asked his opinion on Tolzien, and he answered truthfully. Scott reminded him of Flynn. There was something there, a spark, a drive, that took Aaron back to when Flynn was his second. He looked over and saw Flynn walking to the practice facility with TJ and some of the other guys, looking like he had just come home.
--
The night was the worst time. Aaron was so damn lonely. His mind raced, he was restless. Usually he had the game to focus on, preparation, watching film, meetings with Mike and the corps, but with his collarbone injury all of that was taken away from him.
Now it was just Aaron and his ghosts, all of whom had shiny white teeth and wore ugly t-shirts.
The reintroduction of Flynn into his life was at times wonderful, like slipping on a pair of comfortable house shoes, and sometimes it was horrible, like a rock embedded in the lining of the house shoes. He wasn't thinking about Flynn, but the kid would float in and out of his thoughts, suddenly appearing overhead like a rainbow, and then dissipating just as quickly.
Aaron would have rather thought about Flynn all night than Ryan, but he did not have control of his brain. He missed Ryan more than he cared to admit, and having Flynn back only proved to pour salt in the still open wound.
What was it about him that doomed any relationship he could ever have? Flynn wasn't interested in him, except as a buddy, and Ryan...well, that ship had sailed, hadn't it? Aaron missed having someone to talk to, to shower affection on, to share his day with. Every day, he realized what he had with Ryan was something he wouldn't have again, and Flynn wasn't a soft place to fall.
Aaron punched his pillows again, trying to make a nest to sleep in. The collarbone didn't hurt as badly as it had a week before, but it still wasn't the kind of pain that you could tolerate.
The collarbone was Ryan, he thought, as reached for a pain pill and settled back to let the dullness of narcotics lull him to sleep.
--
It was an ugly game. Ugly all the way around. Aaron felt helpless on the sidelines, dressed down, clipboard in hand, wearing a headset like he was a pop star preparing to lip synch their greatest hits.
Scott seemed to forget everything he learned in practice. Sure, he had a quick juke move that made him look like the second coming of Brett Favre for a hot minute, but that rolled over and died, much like the entire Packers team. It was the Vikings, for God's sake; they should have had them by the throat, and they were beaten down instead.
Aaron paced the sidelines, and looked over at Flynn.
"Hey, man. You might want to get loose."
Flynn smiled quickly, and then put his game face on. "You think?"
"Help us, Obi Wan Kenobi. You're our only hope."
Flynn chuckled, and then started his throwing exercises. It was only a matter of time until they took Tolzien out of the game, and then Flynn would take his rightful place as Aaron's backup, just like it used to be.
Mike sent the word not long after Aaron gave Flynn the heads up - he would be going in for Tolzien soon unless the kid did something to turn the ship around. And then Flynn strapped on his helmet and went out onto the field. By that time, the team had deflated; the stadium was only half alive and Aaron knew they had to have a miracle to get close, but he knew one simple fact that so many people had seemed to forget: Matt Flynn did sometimes work miracles.
Suddenly, they were back in the hunt. Flynn did his thing and the team came roaring back to life. Everything was fresh and new, Flynn's confidence flowed through the guys and the crowd until they were breathing it in with every breath. When they tied the game, Aaron was soaring.
It was like Flynn had never left.
The magic seemed to be back, even fleetingly. The game didn't end the way they wanted it to (a tie, really?), but to Aaron, it was better than the alternative that everyone thought was a sure bet.
Flynn was mad, though. Aaron could see it in his eyes, hear it in his voice. Texas was all over him when he was angry, and his deep, honey soaked voice had a hint of menace in it during his interviews. Flynn was mad, and upset, and blaming himself for a tie that he had pulled out of his hat like the world's greatest magician. Aaron wasn't going to correct him, but he knew that Flynn would have a chip on his shoulder.
Good. Aaron always played better when he had a chip on his shoulder, and Flynn would, too. Now, they had only four days to prepare for the biggest test of the Packers without Rodgers era - Detroit on Thanksgiving Day.
--
The last time Matt Flynn started a game was against the Lions, and everyone remembered how that turned out. He set a franchise record for passing yards in a game, one that Aaron tied earlier in the year.
Of course, that game was different. Flynn was younger and healthier then, and Suh was politely escorted off the field for unsportsmanlike conduct. Aaron didn't think Suh would be stupid enough to do it again, and he secretly worried about the Packers' chances in Detroit this time around.
Suh was a quarterback magnet. He took great delight in taking guys down. Flynn was strong and smart, but Aaron's chief concern was that there was no quarterback protection. He was living proof of the lack thereof. Tolzien had also tasted the bitter fruits of their poor passer protection. Flynn was mobile, yes, but he had a bit of rust to knock off. It had been a long time since he started against the Lions, even though Aaron remembered it like it was yesterday.
Aaron took some reps in practice, but it still hurt like hell, and he wasn't going to jeopardize the rest of the season or his career trying to get into the game when he knew he wasn't ready. He knew people would say he was weak, or scared, but they didn't have to go out there and trust that the guys around him would keep him safe and not have another collarbone injury. They didn't have to try and scrub their backs in the shower without flinching or tie their shoes without feeling like their arms were going to fall off.
Aaron wanted to punch them all in the face.
Mike didn't say that Flynn was going to be the starter, but everyone knew. Hell, even the janitors at Lambeau knew. Flynn took all the reps in actual team practice. Flynn called a bunch of plays. Flynn was the guy who got them to the edge of the Promised Land on Sunday. Aaron knew it would be stupid to not give him a chance against the Lions. It might have been the only shot they had going forward.
Aaron was relaxing in his hotel room when he got a message on his phone from a number he hadn't gotten a message from in a long time.
"FYI check JS Online's Brewers beat. - JL"
He was curious what Lucroy wanted him to see, so he did as he was asked, and saw that Ryan had gone to Miller Park for a food drive. It was the first time that Ryan had been seen in Milwaukee in months. There was a photo.
God, he looked good. His hair was short and professional looking. He looked healthy. He looked relatively happy. Aaron felt a twinge of longing just looking at the photo. He loved it when Ryan looked like that, so handsome and put together.
Ryan gave a short interview, and spoke about having dinner with the sample collector. He mentioned Larisa. Aaron wondered if they were still together after everything that had happened.
It wasn't every woman who would look the other way when her boyfriend had his own boyfriend, and she never made a big deal out of it, either. Aaron knew this from experience; his own sometimes girlfriend-in-name-only wasn't always happy with his relationship with Ryan. Even after he and Ryan were broken up, she was still jealous. He finally broke it off with her - it was obvious that they weren't suitable for each other, and he was too upset to play a part anymore.
Ryan still called Larisa his fiance. That was good, great actually. At least he wasn't alone. She cared about him, she really did. Aaron was happy about it.
Of course, he kept telling himself that, as he went down to the 24/7 fitness center and ran on the treadmill for 45 minutes.
He walked out as Flynn was walking in. That was just what he needed, another distraction, another thing to get hung up on. He nodded as he quickly walked out of the fitness center and went back to his room for a hot shower immediately followed by a cold one.
Aaron stood in the shower, the hot water beating his back mercilessly. He tried to be strong, tried for months, but it was too much for him. Everything hurt - his collarbone, his head, his heart. He wanted the pain to go away, all of it.
Buck up, Aaron. Get your head in the game. It's over, it's been over. It's never coming back. You have a team to lead. You have a responsibility.
He wiped the tears away, turned off the water, and dried off. Then he wandered over to his bed, pulled down the covers, and took a nap.
--
Thanksgiving in Detroit was a weird thing. Aaron had done it a few times before, and the Packers had won every game. This year was going to be different, though, and Aaron felt it in his bones that his team was going to have a hard time against the Lions.
It started out bad, moved into terrible, and quickly turned into a horrific nightmare. Aaron watched helplessly as he watched the Packers torn limb to bloody limb. The defense hemmoraged points, and the offense wasn't much better. Flynn wasn't effective, but he wasn't protected well, either. The sacks, the interceptions. Aaron felt sick to his stomach.
This wasn't the way he wanted to spend his holiday.
After the game, the locker room was quiet. The guys took the extended weekend to go home, visit family, have the Thanksgiving that they were denied on game day. Aaron went back to California to visit his parents, hang out with his brothers, relax by the beach, take in a basketball game.
He realized that his 30th birthday was coming up soon, and other than his family, he was going to be alone. There would be no silly texts from Ryan teasing him, and the thought sat leaden in his stomach. Time would continue to go on, and it would go with or without Ryan. He stayed up late into the night thinking. wondering what to do, before succumbing to sleep.
Sunday morning came, and he woke up to a beautiful California day. November was over. So much is over, Aaron thought, but today is fresh and new.
He lathered up and shaved, ready to face the future.
FIN
Author: Shelly - cosmosmariner
Pairing: past Aaron Rodgers/Ryan Braun, unrequited Aaron Rodgers/Matt Flynn
Rating: PG
Summary: Aaron is broken, in many ways.
Distribution: Please ask me first, otherwise go for it!
Author's Note: Third is what's apparently now an ongoing series based on Aaron. You will need to have read "Like Regular Dudes" and "Flames to Dust" to get an idea of what's going on. You can find these by clicking the RPS tag located at the bottom.
---
He knew.
He knew the moment that he went back into the locker room to get checked out that he was going to be out of commission. There would be no other recourse. The pain was so dense that every time he took a deep breath, little meteors would streak in front of his eyes and hot, stabbing pain would flow into his body like lava in his blood.
The Packers would need to rely on Seneca, but Aaron knew that Seneca was no good. He told Mike all day long that they needed someone who could read the opposing team's defense, who could make the quick plays that the Packers were known for. Someone who could fire them off to Jordy and James, but also fake it and pass it off to Eddie Lacy and be able to fool everyone into thinking he was still in the pocket.
Aaron knew Seneca wasn't that man.
There was a kid on the practice squad that the front office liked. His name was Scott Tolzien. Nice guy, really seemed to have his head on straight. Why they didn't bring him in to be Aaron's backup, he didn't know, but he would sometimes sneak down to the practice squad's scrimmages and watch the guy prepare, and then he'd have a weird feeling in the pit of his stomach.
It was like watching Flynn.
Aaron sometimes thought about Flynn, the crazy road he'd traveled since leaving Green Bay. He missed him. He especially missed him now, with everything that had happened in the last few months.
Little by little, the parts of Aaron's life that he had shared with Ryan were being stripped away. The restaurant was gone; they renamed it, remodeled it, took everything Ryan out of it. He didn't watch baseball at all, had completely forgotten about the World Series. He had drank the last of Ryan's favorite beer a week after Ryan walked out and never restocked it.
Sometimes he was fine, and then out of nowhere Aaron would remember something stupid that Ryan would say, or he'd walk into Coffee Bean and Tea Leaf and someone would be wearing the same scent that Ryan would wear, and it all came flooding back. He missed Ryan's smile, and his sick sense of humor, and a million other things. Every day he fought the urge to text him, just to see how he was doing, but that seemed like the dumbest thing that he could do.
Besides, Ryan was the one who left him. He wasn't going to give him the satisfaction of needing him.
In the dark, lying in his bed, he could sometimes feel Ryan there, spooned against him the way he liked to, feel his lean, hard body against his. But lately, he would think about a different body, a different smile, a more infectious laugh.
He still had a bit of a thing for Flynn. Those types of feelings don't die easily, even if you had the kind of relationship that Aaron had with Ryan. Flynn was still that guy who made him smile, made him feel a little warm inside. Flynn never gave him reason to doubt, and Flynn never broke his heart deliberately.
Flynn was the friendly guy he'd always been. Flynn was still Flynn, and Ryan was just a guy that Aaron used to know.
Aaron focused on the here and now, and not the past. What happened happened, and Flynn was in Buffalo now, biding his time. He wouldn't be needed in Green Bay; Seneca would be starting for him until he could move his shoulder without feeling like he was going to vomit. They moved Scott up to be the backup, just in case. Aaron wasn't completely confident, but he didn't have a choice. It was imperative to show solidarity, even if he knew Seneca was a lost cause.
He hadn't talked to Flynn in a while. For a week after Ryan left for good, Aaron and Flynn traded a few texts, his old friend trying to keep Aaron's spirits up. He hadn't texted him in a few weeks, mostly because he'd been busy and Flynn was being bounced around from the Raiders to the Bills. He had heard on ESPN that the Bills released him, and while he was sad for his friend, he was a little excited.
Maybe Mike would take another look at him? Maybe the front office would get off their collective ass and sign a quarterback who would actually work in their system?
Maybe pigs would fly across Lombardi Avenue, too.
Less than five minutes into the next game, alarm bells started ringing. Damn it all to hell. Seneca got hurt, and here was Scott being thrown to the lions. Thankfully not the literal Lions, because Aaron was sure that Suh would have killed Scott, but it was just as vicious and bloody as being eaten alive by giant jungle cats. But here was the thing that Aaron found interesting: Scott wasn't too bad. Here's this kid who had less than a week to prepare, to learn their playbook, and didn't even get reps, and now he's the Packers' only hope for salvation.
Well, that and if the defense would have shown up, which they didn't. But Scott had nothing to do with that.
Now Aaron was out, Seneca was out, and they have a quarterback who was so young and green he might as well be a tadpole. He liked what he saw in Scott, but there was still so much for that kid to learn. What would happen if he, too, was hurt? They needed someone just in case.
They made noise about other guys, established league backups, assorted wash outs and third stringers. They kept ignoring the elephant in the room, a big elephant with a cheesy grin, used to wear number ten.
Aaron wondered if the fans would see the obvious solution. He wondered if the team would see it. He went online immediately after Scott finished up the game and saw Donald's tweet. Saw other people's tweets, their Facebook posts. It wasn't just him. People started clamoring for Flynn.
Aaron kept his focus on recovery. Putting on socks without his collarbone feeling like it was going to pop out of his skin, not grinding his teeth when he went to scrub his back in the shower. The sooner he was cleared to play, the sooner that he could get the Packers back on track. It was his team, damn it. His team, and he wanted to get back to it, but he needed to know his team was in good hands while he was out of the driver's seat.
Rumors started to fly. The front office, and Mike, played everything hush-hush. He didn't know if they were going to sign Flynn or not. They had contacted him, he came to Green Bay to work out, but they had contacted a few other guys, too.
Aaron felt nervous, for some stupid reason.
Later that evening, he got a text. "Wanna grab a pizza like old times?"
And just like that, Flynn was back in his life.
---
Aaron was dressed down for practice, but he still went, trying to do all he could to get ready for the future. He was still in awful shape and didn't have any hope to getting a start until Thanksgiving, but if he had to be hands off, it was still his responsibility to be there, be the leader.
He walked into the locker room and decided to shoot the breeze with the guys, catching up, talking about strategy, picking guys' brains, when he heard a roar come up from some of the others in the far corner of the room.
Some of the guys were calling out pleasantries, others were whistling. Aaron heard a couple of back slaps, a few "all right, man!"s. He didn't need to look up to know that Flynn had made his way into the locker room, and then he heard rustling behind him.
"Hey, Aaron. Aren't you gonna say something to your old pal?"
Aaron turned around. Flynn stood there, large as life, huge grin lighting up his face as usual. He looked the same. He looked great.
Aaron knew that things were different. A few years had passed since the last time Flynn had been in this locker room. Donald was gone. Jennings was gone. Aaron had begun, then messily ended, a serious relationship. Flynn himself had gotten married only recently. So, sure, things were different, but seeing Matt standing there, as cheerful and good natured as ever, made Aaron feel like he was going back in time.
He smiled at his old friend. "Yeah. I bet you five bucks you will fuck up the photobomb this Sunday."
Flynn grinned again. "You're on, bozo."
The team suited up and went to practice. Tolzien was taking all the snaps; Mike had already announced that he would be the starter against the Giants. Scott was working hard, and Aaron watched eagerly. Scott had obviously studied up, and the longer that Aaron watched him, the more he noticed that Scott had a hunger and desire to win. That was what being a Packer was about, and Aaron had a little more hope that this kid wasn't going to bring them down to the pits of hell.
He still felt like something was going to blow up, though. Scott was just too green, too inexperienced. A few weeks of practice wasn't going to turn Scott Tolzien into Aaron Rodgers, and everyone knew it.
Afterwards, reporters surrounded Aaron and asked for his opinion on the Packers' chances, what he thought about Tolzien, piddly stuff that he didn't want to talk about.
One reporter from the Journal-Sentinel again asked his opinion on Tolzien, and he answered truthfully. Scott reminded him of Flynn. There was something there, a spark, a drive, that took Aaron back to when Flynn was his second. He looked over and saw Flynn walking to the practice facility with TJ and some of the other guys, looking like he had just come home.
--
The night was the worst time. Aaron was so damn lonely. His mind raced, he was restless. Usually he had the game to focus on, preparation, watching film, meetings with Mike and the corps, but with his collarbone injury all of that was taken away from him.
Now it was just Aaron and his ghosts, all of whom had shiny white teeth and wore ugly t-shirts.
The reintroduction of Flynn into his life was at times wonderful, like slipping on a pair of comfortable house shoes, and sometimes it was horrible, like a rock embedded in the lining of the house shoes. He wasn't thinking about Flynn, but the kid would float in and out of his thoughts, suddenly appearing overhead like a rainbow, and then dissipating just as quickly.
Aaron would have rather thought about Flynn all night than Ryan, but he did not have control of his brain. He missed Ryan more than he cared to admit, and having Flynn back only proved to pour salt in the still open wound.
What was it about him that doomed any relationship he could ever have? Flynn wasn't interested in him, except as a buddy, and Ryan...well, that ship had sailed, hadn't it? Aaron missed having someone to talk to, to shower affection on, to share his day with. Every day, he realized what he had with Ryan was something he wouldn't have again, and Flynn wasn't a soft place to fall.
Aaron punched his pillows again, trying to make a nest to sleep in. The collarbone didn't hurt as badly as it had a week before, but it still wasn't the kind of pain that you could tolerate.
The collarbone was Ryan, he thought, as reached for a pain pill and settled back to let the dullness of narcotics lull him to sleep.
--
It was an ugly game. Ugly all the way around. Aaron felt helpless on the sidelines, dressed down, clipboard in hand, wearing a headset like he was a pop star preparing to lip synch their greatest hits.
Scott seemed to forget everything he learned in practice. Sure, he had a quick juke move that made him look like the second coming of Brett Favre for a hot minute, but that rolled over and died, much like the entire Packers team. It was the Vikings, for God's sake; they should have had them by the throat, and they were beaten down instead.
Aaron paced the sidelines, and looked over at Flynn.
"Hey, man. You might want to get loose."
Flynn smiled quickly, and then put his game face on. "You think?"
"Help us, Obi Wan Kenobi. You're our only hope."
Flynn chuckled, and then started his throwing exercises. It was only a matter of time until they took Tolzien out of the game, and then Flynn would take his rightful place as Aaron's backup, just like it used to be.
Mike sent the word not long after Aaron gave Flynn the heads up - he would be going in for Tolzien soon unless the kid did something to turn the ship around. And then Flynn strapped on his helmet and went out onto the field. By that time, the team had deflated; the stadium was only half alive and Aaron knew they had to have a miracle to get close, but he knew one simple fact that so many people had seemed to forget: Matt Flynn did sometimes work miracles.
Suddenly, they were back in the hunt. Flynn did his thing and the team came roaring back to life. Everything was fresh and new, Flynn's confidence flowed through the guys and the crowd until they were breathing it in with every breath. When they tied the game, Aaron was soaring.
It was like Flynn had never left.
The magic seemed to be back, even fleetingly. The game didn't end the way they wanted it to (a tie, really?), but to Aaron, it was better than the alternative that everyone thought was a sure bet.
Flynn was mad, though. Aaron could see it in his eyes, hear it in his voice. Texas was all over him when he was angry, and his deep, honey soaked voice had a hint of menace in it during his interviews. Flynn was mad, and upset, and blaming himself for a tie that he had pulled out of his hat like the world's greatest magician. Aaron wasn't going to correct him, but he knew that Flynn would have a chip on his shoulder.
Good. Aaron always played better when he had a chip on his shoulder, and Flynn would, too. Now, they had only four days to prepare for the biggest test of the Packers without Rodgers era - Detroit on Thanksgiving Day.
--
The last time Matt Flynn started a game was against the Lions, and everyone remembered how that turned out. He set a franchise record for passing yards in a game, one that Aaron tied earlier in the year.
Of course, that game was different. Flynn was younger and healthier then, and Suh was politely escorted off the field for unsportsmanlike conduct. Aaron didn't think Suh would be stupid enough to do it again, and he secretly worried about the Packers' chances in Detroit this time around.
Suh was a quarterback magnet. He took great delight in taking guys down. Flynn was strong and smart, but Aaron's chief concern was that there was no quarterback protection. He was living proof of the lack thereof. Tolzien had also tasted the bitter fruits of their poor passer protection. Flynn was mobile, yes, but he had a bit of rust to knock off. It had been a long time since he started against the Lions, even though Aaron remembered it like it was yesterday.
Aaron took some reps in practice, but it still hurt like hell, and he wasn't going to jeopardize the rest of the season or his career trying to get into the game when he knew he wasn't ready. He knew people would say he was weak, or scared, but they didn't have to go out there and trust that the guys around him would keep him safe and not have another collarbone injury. They didn't have to try and scrub their backs in the shower without flinching or tie their shoes without feeling like their arms were going to fall off.
Aaron wanted to punch them all in the face.
Mike didn't say that Flynn was going to be the starter, but everyone knew. Hell, even the janitors at Lambeau knew. Flynn took all the reps in actual team practice. Flynn called a bunch of plays. Flynn was the guy who got them to the edge of the Promised Land on Sunday. Aaron knew it would be stupid to not give him a chance against the Lions. It might have been the only shot they had going forward.
Aaron was relaxing in his hotel room when he got a message on his phone from a number he hadn't gotten a message from in a long time.
"FYI check JS Online's Brewers beat. - JL"
He was curious what Lucroy wanted him to see, so he did as he was asked, and saw that Ryan had gone to Miller Park for a food drive. It was the first time that Ryan had been seen in Milwaukee in months. There was a photo.
God, he looked good. His hair was short and professional looking. He looked healthy. He looked relatively happy. Aaron felt a twinge of longing just looking at the photo. He loved it when Ryan looked like that, so handsome and put together.
Ryan gave a short interview, and spoke about having dinner with the sample collector. He mentioned Larisa. Aaron wondered if they were still together after everything that had happened.
It wasn't every woman who would look the other way when her boyfriend had his own boyfriend, and she never made a big deal out of it, either. Aaron knew this from experience; his own sometimes girlfriend-in-name-only wasn't always happy with his relationship with Ryan. Even after he and Ryan were broken up, she was still jealous. He finally broke it off with her - it was obvious that they weren't suitable for each other, and he was too upset to play a part anymore.
Ryan still called Larisa his fiance. That was good, great actually. At least he wasn't alone. She cared about him, she really did. Aaron was happy about it.
Of course, he kept telling himself that, as he went down to the 24/7 fitness center and ran on the treadmill for 45 minutes.
He walked out as Flynn was walking in. That was just what he needed, another distraction, another thing to get hung up on. He nodded as he quickly walked out of the fitness center and went back to his room for a hot shower immediately followed by a cold one.
Aaron stood in the shower, the hot water beating his back mercilessly. He tried to be strong, tried for months, but it was too much for him. Everything hurt - his collarbone, his head, his heart. He wanted the pain to go away, all of it.
Buck up, Aaron. Get your head in the game. It's over, it's been over. It's never coming back. You have a team to lead. You have a responsibility.
He wiped the tears away, turned off the water, and dried off. Then he wandered over to his bed, pulled down the covers, and took a nap.
--
Thanksgiving in Detroit was a weird thing. Aaron had done it a few times before, and the Packers had won every game. This year was going to be different, though, and Aaron felt it in his bones that his team was going to have a hard time against the Lions.
It started out bad, moved into terrible, and quickly turned into a horrific nightmare. Aaron watched helplessly as he watched the Packers torn limb to bloody limb. The defense hemmoraged points, and the offense wasn't much better. Flynn wasn't effective, but he wasn't protected well, either. The sacks, the interceptions. Aaron felt sick to his stomach.
This wasn't the way he wanted to spend his holiday.
After the game, the locker room was quiet. The guys took the extended weekend to go home, visit family, have the Thanksgiving that they were denied on game day. Aaron went back to California to visit his parents, hang out with his brothers, relax by the beach, take in a basketball game.
He realized that his 30th birthday was coming up soon, and other than his family, he was going to be alone. There would be no silly texts from Ryan teasing him, and the thought sat leaden in his stomach. Time would continue to go on, and it would go with or without Ryan. He stayed up late into the night thinking. wondering what to do, before succumbing to sleep.
Sunday morning came, and he woke up to a beautiful California day. November was over. So much is over, Aaron thought, but today is fresh and new.
He lathered up and shaved, ready to face the future.
FIN