Being a Conversation on the War Between Panda Bears and Orang Utans
I sent James (and Shannon) this clip of a panda bear sneezing:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FzRH3iTQPrk
...and it spawned the following conversation:
Suzanne:
pandas really are fairly useless!
they sit around and eat bamboo all day
James:
all animals function in this capacity
Suzanne:
yes, but pandas are also nearly extinct and have almost no desire to breed and even when they do are rather infertile by default!
and are very expensive to maintain and die easily!
they are sorta cute though, but it doesn't quite redeem them in my eyes!
Now orang utans and chimpanzees: they are clever and very good at many things!
and have little trouble breeding and are more interesting!
I think that if it came down to a world war between pandas and orangutans, the orangutans would win every time
they would have better strategies, more will to live and also be more interesting, as they wouldn't just sit in their cage sighing "I suppose a war is on, isn't it?"
James:
:P
pandas are gentle creatures
more related to sloths than bears!
Suzanne:
"I wonder if I could persuade the army to send me more bamboo"
"well, it's not really worth writing them a letter when this corner needs sitting in"
James:
i think you are being unfair!
Suzanne:
I am fine with being unfair!
James:
i would throw my forces into defense of the pandas
Suzanne:
wars are generally unfair!
James:
these nonaggressors while unproductive are also non-consumptive!
Suzanne:
they consume plenty of bamboo!
which may only be found in China
it's rather difficult of them
they have no international aspirations
James:
but not so much that all the bamboo is gone
Suzanne:
the orangutans would still win the war
James:
i think it would end up being a sort of quiet occupation
unless you mean to compare the orangutans with the genocidal nazis
do you mean to do that?
Suzanne:
I'm trying to figure out whether letting the panda bears live would be in the orangutan's nature
I think they would let them live
they are not incredibly violent, unless provoked or raised that way
and even then, I doubt they would find it in them to commit genocide
but they *would* win
when push comes to shove
James:
to what end, i ask!
Suzanne:
I am not sure.
James:
i thought not
Suzanne:
I have never observed orangutans occupying panda lands
but after I do I will be sure to let you know
not that this means there is to be a war
(as you would be on the side of pandas I would never give you such foreknowledge)
James:
well
as i think i've demonstrated, i don't think the pandas have much to worry about
besides perhaps a rationing of their bamboo
Suzanne:
well, the orangutans might put them to work
to better themselves
orangutans like to stay occupied and are very clever!
James:
ah
then i think there the pandas might have a problem
Suzanne:
I do not think the pandas would take well to this and they would probably maybe rebel
but the rebellion wouldn't come to much, I would guess
it would more be a sort of mopey, whining thing
James:
i don't think they'd rebel so much as passively protest
---
At which point, James was astonished and started calling out the name of Jesus Christ multiple times because at that moment, while watching short 30 Rock clips, he came across this of all things:
http://www.hulu.com/watch/863/30-rock-an-acquired-skill#s-p22-st-i1
The universe was telling us that our conversation was important and necessary!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FzRH3iTQPrk
...and it spawned the following conversation:
Suzanne:
pandas really are fairly useless!
they sit around and eat bamboo all day
James:
all animals function in this capacity
Suzanne:
yes, but pandas are also nearly extinct and have almost no desire to breed and even when they do are rather infertile by default!
and are very expensive to maintain and die easily!
they are sorta cute though, but it doesn't quite redeem them in my eyes!
Now orang utans and chimpanzees: they are clever and very good at many things!
and have little trouble breeding and are more interesting!
I think that if it came down to a world war between pandas and orangutans, the orangutans would win every time
they would have better strategies, more will to live and also be more interesting, as they wouldn't just sit in their cage sighing "I suppose a war is on, isn't it?"
James:
:P
pandas are gentle creatures
more related to sloths than bears!
Suzanne:
"I wonder if I could persuade the army to send me more bamboo"
"well, it's not really worth writing them a letter when this corner needs sitting in"
James:
i think you are being unfair!
Suzanne:
I am fine with being unfair!
James:
i would throw my forces into defense of the pandas
Suzanne:
wars are generally unfair!
James:
these nonaggressors while unproductive are also non-consumptive!
Suzanne:
they consume plenty of bamboo!
which may only be found in China
it's rather difficult of them
they have no international aspirations
James:
but not so much that all the bamboo is gone
Suzanne:
the orangutans would still win the war
James:
i think it would end up being a sort of quiet occupation
unless you mean to compare the orangutans with the genocidal nazis
do you mean to do that?
Suzanne:
I'm trying to figure out whether letting the panda bears live would be in the orangutan's nature
I think they would let them live
they are not incredibly violent, unless provoked or raised that way
and even then, I doubt they would find it in them to commit genocide
but they *would* win
when push comes to shove
James:
to what end, i ask!
Suzanne:
I am not sure.
James:
i thought not
Suzanne:
I have never observed orangutans occupying panda lands
but after I do I will be sure to let you know
not that this means there is to be a war
(as you would be on the side of pandas I would never give you such foreknowledge)
James:
well
as i think i've demonstrated, i don't think the pandas have much to worry about
besides perhaps a rationing of their bamboo
Suzanne:
well, the orangutans might put them to work
to better themselves
orangutans like to stay occupied and are very clever!
James:
ah
then i think there the pandas might have a problem
Suzanne:
I do not think the pandas would take well to this and they would probably maybe rebel
but the rebellion wouldn't come to much, I would guess
it would more be a sort of mopey, whining thing
James:
i don't think they'd rebel so much as passively protest
---
At which point, James was astonished and started calling out the name of Jesus Christ multiple times because at that moment, while watching short 30 Rock clips, he came across this of all things:
http://www.hulu.com/watch/863/30-rock-an-acquired-skill#s-p22-st-i1
The universe was telling us that our conversation was important and necessary!