What is "good enough" exactly?
I just finished my 6 mile run for the night, and I feel refreshed :) I made good time tonight, averaging a 10 minute mile through the whole run. For me, that's pretty darn fast, especially if I can keep that pace going for 6 miles. After the three mile mark, I felt really good, as if doing three miles is nothing. I feel that way often, thinking once I get in the car that I want to do the whole thing again.
I've been thinking lately after I run about how my definition of a "good" run has changed. In fact, I've been thinking about how my definition of a "good" anything tends to change with time and sometimes doesn't really mean "good" at all.
The fact that I consider a 3 mile run to be easy is a huge achievement for someone who couldn't run around the block without having an asthma attack just a little while ago. And I definitely recognize that. It's an awesome feeling to know that you can do something and do it well. But for me that feeling tends to be short-lived. Instead of basking in the glow of awesomeness, I think, okay that's cool, now I need to do one better. Next goal.
It's a good thing to constantly set your expectations higher and then strive to reach them. But I think that sometimes I don't really stop to enjoy the successes along the way. Instead of using my new-found ease with running as a motivation tool, I make it the bare minimum. So from now on, if I don't find 3 miles easy as pie, I'll feel that I've failed or slid backwards.
I do it with other things, too. Instead of being glad that I managed to corral a bunch of drunk girls home safely during/after the bachelorette party (despite their best efforts to be taken home by strangers and run over by taxi cabs), I feel guilty because the behavior of one of the girls got her arrested. (Yes, that's a whole other story.) Nothing I could've done would have changed the situation, but I still feel like I failed as one of the more responsible adults attending the party.
And despite the fact that I've lost weight, I don't think I'll ever really feel satisfied in that area. I can look at pretty much any picture of myself and point out things I'd like to change. Without fail. I don't see the changes I've made, just the things I feel I haven't changed enough.
My mom has told me several times that I don't need to lose any more weight. Every time she says this it frustrates the hell out of me. I honestly don't think she'd say that to my sister, if we weighed the same amount. But because I've always been heavier, this is "good enough" for me. That's the way I see it. And it's not "good enough" for me.
But there has to be some middle ground, right? Somewhere between being satisfied with what you've achieved and being able to set personal goals you want to work towards. Because I'm not sure I want to constantly be dissatisfied with myself, which is how I am now. But I also don't want to be complacent, which is how I got here in the first place.
I have the feeling that I'll always hold myself hostage to certain goals - getting out of Arizona, getting more education, making a higher salary, having a job I like for once, and writing ... something. So I guess I'm wondering if I'll find myself adding running goals to that list - running a marathon, running a marathon at xxx time, etc. I don't really want running to be another thing I can use to be dissatisfied with myself about, but I don't really know how to make sure that doesn't happen.
I guess I just have to make sure that I run first and foremost because I love how I feel when I run. It's hard work, physically exhausting, and causes me much pain in many areas of my body - and I love it. Maybe that's why I love it.
I've been thinking lately after I run about how my definition of a "good" run has changed. In fact, I've been thinking about how my definition of a "good" anything tends to change with time and sometimes doesn't really mean "good" at all.
The fact that I consider a 3 mile run to be easy is a huge achievement for someone who couldn't run around the block without having an asthma attack just a little while ago. And I definitely recognize that. It's an awesome feeling to know that you can do something and do it well. But for me that feeling tends to be short-lived. Instead of basking in the glow of awesomeness, I think, okay that's cool, now I need to do one better. Next goal.
It's a good thing to constantly set your expectations higher and then strive to reach them. But I think that sometimes I don't really stop to enjoy the successes along the way. Instead of using my new-found ease with running as a motivation tool, I make it the bare minimum. So from now on, if I don't find 3 miles easy as pie, I'll feel that I've failed or slid backwards.
I do it with other things, too. Instead of being glad that I managed to corral a bunch of drunk girls home safely during/after the bachelorette party (despite their best efforts to be taken home by strangers and run over by taxi cabs), I feel guilty because the behavior of one of the girls got her arrested. (Yes, that's a whole other story.) Nothing I could've done would have changed the situation, but I still feel like I failed as one of the more responsible adults attending the party.
And despite the fact that I've lost weight, I don't think I'll ever really feel satisfied in that area. I can look at pretty much any picture of myself and point out things I'd like to change. Without fail. I don't see the changes I've made, just the things I feel I haven't changed enough.
My mom has told me several times that I don't need to lose any more weight. Every time she says this it frustrates the hell out of me. I honestly don't think she'd say that to my sister, if we weighed the same amount. But because I've always been heavier, this is "good enough" for me. That's the way I see it. And it's not "good enough" for me.
But there has to be some middle ground, right? Somewhere between being satisfied with what you've achieved and being able to set personal goals you want to work towards. Because I'm not sure I want to constantly be dissatisfied with myself, which is how I am now. But I also don't want to be complacent, which is how I got here in the first place.
I have the feeling that I'll always hold myself hostage to certain goals - getting out of Arizona, getting more education, making a higher salary, having a job I like for once, and writing ... something. So I guess I'm wondering if I'll find myself adding running goals to that list - running a marathon, running a marathon at xxx time, etc. I don't really want running to be another thing I can use to be dissatisfied with myself about, but I don't really know how to make sure that doesn't happen.
I guess I just have to make sure that I run first and foremost because I love how I feel when I run. It's hard work, physically exhausting, and causes me much pain in many areas of my body - and I love it. Maybe that's why I love it.