Goddamn diseases
So thanks to a bout of strep throat manifesting itself at EXACTLY the wrong time, Nicole did not make the trip up to Chicago with me. This essentially leaves me with no plans for the first two days I'm home. BY no means is this her fault (instead, it's the fault of the disease-ridden children who were bounding all over her cousin's house at a birthday party last weekend), but it still disappoints me. So out go the plans of shopping/museum seeing in the city, Nicole and my family exchanging gifts, etc. I love it when a plan comes together, but don't like it nearly as much when one falls apart.
I do not blame Nicole, as I said. I blame that bitch, Mother Nature. In grad school, they told me not to say "Mother" Nature, because how could I be sure she was female? The same diseases which wipe out an entire Martian invasion in "War of the Worlds" (sorry if I spoiled the ending for anyone...) have wiped out many of my holiday plans which I'd been looking forward to for weeks. I'd say I'll get that bitch, but she's a lot bigger, meaner and more vindictive than I am. Just for this, I should go buy a Chevy Suburban, leave it running 24/7, eat food from completely non-biodegradable containers and then use aerosol spray cheese instead of the stuff that comes from cows, goats or any other of Mother Nature's ill-bred minions. See how breathing chlorofluorocarbons feels, skank!
Moreover, what's with people getting sick on the few days they have off from their everyday responsibilities? This is cruel and unusual punishment and I think there's a law against that. Follow the law, Mother Nature! If I can get a ticket for not stopping at an unofficial stop sign on private property, then we should be able to fine Mother Nature when she does something dumb-assed like this. I say we force PETA, Greenpeace and other similar organizations to foot the bill, since they're already in bed with the tramp we call an environment.
I do not blame Nicole, as I said. I blame that bitch, Mother Nature. In grad school, they told me not to say "Mother" Nature, because how could I be sure she was female? The same diseases which wipe out an entire Martian invasion in "War of the Worlds" (sorry if I spoiled the ending for anyone...) have wiped out many of my holiday plans which I'd been looking forward to for weeks. I'd say I'll get that bitch, but she's a lot bigger, meaner and more vindictive than I am. Just for this, I should go buy a Chevy Suburban, leave it running 24/7, eat food from completely non-biodegradable containers and then use aerosol spray cheese instead of the stuff that comes from cows, goats or any other of Mother Nature's ill-bred minions. See how breathing chlorofluorocarbons feels, skank!
Moreover, what's with people getting sick on the few days they have off from their everyday responsibilities? This is cruel and unusual punishment and I think there's a law against that. Follow the law, Mother Nature! If I can get a ticket for not stopping at an unofficial stop sign on private property, then we should be able to fine Mother Nature when she does something dumb-assed like this. I say we force PETA, Greenpeace and other similar organizations to foot the bill, since they're already in bed with the tramp we call an environment.