Fic: The Nickname Categorization
Title: The Nickname Categorization
Author: clumsyghost
Fandom: The Big Bang Theory
Pairing: Leonard/Sheldon
Rating: PG-13 for language
Word Count: 1,768
Summary: Sheldon becomes obsessed with giving Leonard a nickname... but why?
A/N: A million and half thanks to denkinousagi, who is the world's most awesome beta. ♥
“Any particular reason you’ve been staring at me for the past ten minutes?” Leonard twitched, clicking the volume button on the remote with a little more force than necessary. He had held his tongue for as long as he could, but his roommate’s intense stare refused to waver.
“Seven minutes,” Sheldon corrected instantly. “I was debating the appropriateness of various nicknames I could apply to you.”
A silent beat passed before Leonard quirked a brow, turning his head to stare back at the other physicist. “…excuse me?”
“Nicknames,” Sheldon repeated. “In the past eight years we have been friends, you have called me ‘Shelly’ six times. Of those six times, four have been generated by situations in which you determined my state of mind to be working at less than optimal capacity. It’s rather curious that you have only called me by my nickname twice under normal circumstances. Why is that, Leonard?”
Leonard wore that strained expression on his face that Sheldon could never interpret. Was Leonard confused? Angry? Recognizing the internal signs of a future bowel movement?
“I thought you said you were giving me a nickname?” Leonard dodged the question.
“I’m in the process of assigning you a nickname, yes. Now, I’m aware of your aversion to descriptions that would trigger your Napoleon complex, so I have eliminated the good-natured ‘Shorty’ nickname as well as ‘Len’ and ‘Lenny’.”
“How kind of you,” Leonard replied dryly. He made a show of channel surfing rapidly, but Sheldon was still fixated on the subject at hand to do anything but glare.
“Yes. The latter part of your name does not provide any moniker opportunities either since you have expressed distaste of your name having the word ‘nerd’ in it.”
“Mmhmm,” Leonard agreed. “Too bad for you, huh… Shelly?”
Sheldon narrowed his eyes, taking in his roommate’s smirk. “You called me that just to mess with my statistics, didn’t you?”
“Always so smart!” Leonard’s smirk widened, taking in Sheldon’s little huff of frustration. “Look, I don’t need a nickname, alright? Don’t worry about it. I’m going to bed; I’ll see you in the morning.”
“Don’t think you’ve heard the last of this conversation, Leonard!” Sheldon called out as he watched Leonard head down the hall towards their bedrooms. Shaking his head, Sheldon made a tsk-ing sound. Leonard was impossible.
……………..
“I require assistance,” Sheldon announced formally as he carefully placed his cafeteria tray on the table. Already seated, Raj and Howard glanced up from their plates to stare at the taller physicist.
“...Moving back to your home planet?” Howard offered helpfully. Leonard let out a chuckle, setting his tray down next to Sheldon’s.
“No,” Sheldon returned, giving Howard a frown. “I have been trying to give Leonard a nickname, but he’s being impossible. I need some suggestions.”
Groaning, Leonard pushed his creamed corn around with his fork. “C’mon, Sheldon, just let it go!”
“Why do you want to give Leonard a nickname? Are you going to give us nicknames too?” Raj asked.
“Good question,” Leonard muttered darkly. “He’s not telling me anything.”
“The reason is irrelevant at the moment,” Sheldon dismissed the question.
“How can you say that” Leonard sputtered, “when it directly affects me?”
“I’ve got it! He can be…. ‘Laser Len’!” Raj announced with a smile. Looking pleased with himself, the Indian’s happiness faltered as the man in question redirected his glare.
“’The Hooded Avenger’!” Howard offered.
“That’s dumb. Who is he avenging?” Raj scoffed. Howard shrugged and took a bite out of his roll.
“What about… ‘The Hof’?” Raj cracked after a moment.
“I am not listening to this,” Leonard announced, grabbing his tray. He had hardly touched his food, but he didn’t have much of an appetite. His friends’ teasing was tolerable, but not knowing Sheldon’s reasoning behind this sudden obsession was disconcerting. Foolishly, Leonard hoped that Sheldon would lose interest before he wound up with a nickname like ‘Captain Underpants’.
Much to Leonard’s relief, Sheldon dropped the topic for the rest of the day. Even when they returned home, no mentions of nicknames were brought up. Surprised and even more unsettled, Leonard went to bed that night pondering what could have brought on this fixation. Sheldon’s family had called him “Shelly” since he was a child, but Sheldon held no sympathy for any perceived deficits in Leonard’s own childhood, so it couldn’t be a comparison… Perhaps it merely a social experiment. When it came to Sheldon, who knew? Leonard decided that he had lost enough sleep over trying to figure out his roommate and rolled over, curling up under the covers.
………..
Knock knock knock. “Leonard.
Knock knock knock. “Leonard.
Knock knock knock. “Leonard.
Cracking open one eye, Leonard glared into the darkness. He knew without looking that it was some obscene hour. Fervently wishing Sheldon would go the fuck away, Leonard pulled the covers over his head.
“May I come in?” Sheldon nudged the door open. A sliver of light illuminated the blue bulge in the middle of Leonard’s bed.
“Nrrgh,” the bulge grumbled.
“Since I was unable to reach a satisfactory conclusion regarding your nickname, I decided to poll the neighbors,” Sheldon’s voice continued to taunt Leonard’s ears. Even while pretending that he wasn’t heeding his roommate’s words, Leonard could hear the tiredness in Sheldon’s voice. Wait. Did he just say poll the neighbors?
Slowly rolling over and pushing the covers away, Leonard reached for his glasses and studied the clock on his nightstand. Three a.m. Three freaking o’clock in the morning.
“When… did you poll the neighbors?” Leonard tried to recall if Sheldon had left the apartment in the time between arriving home from work and bedtime.
“Just now,” Sheldon replied simply. Leonard squinted, noticing a notebook in his friend’s hand.
“Oh, god…” Leonard groaned. “Are you saying you knocked on doors at three in the morning… in your pajamas?”
Sheldon glanced down, looking surprised to note that he was, in fact, in his pajamas.
“Oh, god,” Leonard repeated. “Ok, this has to stop.”
“Where are you going?” Sheldon questioned as Leonard stuck his feet into his slippers and reached for his robe.
“To the kitchen. C’mon, I’ll heat you up some milk. If you don’t tell me why you’re so obsessed with nicknames all of a sudden, I might drink milk too,” Leonard threatened as he pushed past his friend. Obediently following Leonard to the kitchen, Sheldon took his place on the couch, quietly watching as Leonard fished out the milk carton and a microwavable cup. When Leonard brought over the warm drink, Sheldon laid his notebook beside him, taking the offered beverage with both hands.
Sitting down in his own chair, Leonard waited until the other man took a sip of his milk before encouraging him to start talking.
“Aren’t you interested in the results?” Sheldon protested.
“No, I’m not. I can’t imagine you got any intelligible responses at three in the morning, either,” Leonard countered.
“I did get a few obscenities and unwarranted suggestions as to which destination I should travel,” Sheldon allowed, taking another sip of milk.
“I derive a certain amount of contentment when you call me ‘Shelly,’” he began softly, concentrating his gaze on his slipper-clad feet. “Amy and I were discussing her use of ‘bestie’ as an epithet of Penny’s acceptance of their relationship; I thought perhaps it would be fitting if I gave you a similar label.”
Leonard digested Sheldon’s words for a moment. “…So you and Amy could compare outcomes? Like an experiment?”
Sheldon glanced up, meeting Leonard’s gaze briefly. “Well, I suppose we would compare factoids; however, that was not my original intent.”
“Really…” Leonard raised a brow. Sheldon was still avoiding his eyes, a sure sign that the physicist was trying to avoid an emotional situation.
“Ok, Shelly. I didn’t realize you liked me calling you that so much. I’m sorry I don’t say it more often, but even you have realized that I use it as a term of endearment… and you’re not always endearing,” Leonard added dryly.
“Functioning at less than optimal capacity is endearing?” Sheldon questioned incredulously.
“Um, it is when you’re not argumentative and condescending, yes.” Plus, he looked damn adorable half-asleep, not that Leonard could admit that out loud, “Anyway, you don’t need to give me a nickname just because Amy gave Penny one. You already call me your best friend, and that makes me happy. I never really had a best friend before I met you,” Leonard confesses softly. “You can’t really compare Amy and Penny’s new friendship with our old one. I mean, technically you can compare them, but there really isn’t any point. Different people have different relationships.”
“So, I’m your primary friend, correct?” Sheldon’s gaze shifted from his own feet to Leonard’s.
“Yes, Sheldon. You’re my best friend, my primary friend, whatever-the-hell-you-want-to-call it friend,” Leonard stated firmly.
“We have reached a satisfactory agreement,” Sheldon mumbled into his milk glass after a moment of silence.
“Good. Do me a favor… next time you decide to have an emotional crisis, please have it within waking daylight hours.” Leonard stood, stretching his arms.
“I did not have an emotional crisis,” Sheldon objected. Emotional turmoil fell under Leonard’s skills, not his!
“Did too.” Leonard was suddenly too tired to respond further and took Sheldon’s empty cup to the kitchen. The sound of shuffling feet alerted Leonard to Sheldon’s close presence and the shorter physicist waved his roommate towards the hallway. Flipping the light switch off, Leonard carefully made his way towards his room. The sound of running water was coming from the bathroom, and Leonard paused outside the door to watch Sheldon brushing his teeth. The taller scientist’s reflection in the mirror looked so sleepily disheveled that Leonard couldn’t help but smile.
As Sheldon emerged from the bathroom, Leonard gave into an irrational impulse. Standing on his tippy-toes, the curly-haired man planted a kiss on Sheldon’s pale cheek. Like a deer in headlights, Sheldon stared mutely as Leonard backed away nervously.
“Um, ok. Good night, Shelly,” Leonard stammered, almost running into his roommate’s door post as he turned and fled into the safety of his room. He was probably already hiding under the covers, Sheldon thought. Typical Leonard, always overreacting to his emotions. His roommate was nothing if not hasty. His. Yes, that sounded auspicious. His Leonard.
Sheldon wondered briefly if Leonard would have issues with the possessive title. No matter; Leonard was full of issues. If Amy had assigned Penny’s nickname without permission, then he certainly did not need to ask either. Leonard would just have to ‘deal with it’ as the street people say.
/End
Thought I'd sneak this in before Spring Break. Happy March! ♥
Author: clumsyghost
Fandom: The Big Bang Theory
Pairing: Leonard/Sheldon
Rating: PG-13 for language
Word Count: 1,768
Summary: Sheldon becomes obsessed with giving Leonard a nickname... but why?
A/N: A million and half thanks to denkinousagi, who is the world's most awesome beta. ♥
“Any particular reason you’ve been staring at me for the past ten minutes?” Leonard twitched, clicking the volume button on the remote with a little more force than necessary. He had held his tongue for as long as he could, but his roommate’s intense stare refused to waver.
“Seven minutes,” Sheldon corrected instantly. “I was debating the appropriateness of various nicknames I could apply to you.”
A silent beat passed before Leonard quirked a brow, turning his head to stare back at the other physicist. “…excuse me?”
“Nicknames,” Sheldon repeated. “In the past eight years we have been friends, you have called me ‘Shelly’ six times. Of those six times, four have been generated by situations in which you determined my state of mind to be working at less than optimal capacity. It’s rather curious that you have only called me by my nickname twice under normal circumstances. Why is that, Leonard?”
Leonard wore that strained expression on his face that Sheldon could never interpret. Was Leonard confused? Angry? Recognizing the internal signs of a future bowel movement?
“I thought you said you were giving me a nickname?” Leonard dodged the question.
“I’m in the process of assigning you a nickname, yes. Now, I’m aware of your aversion to descriptions that would trigger your Napoleon complex, so I have eliminated the good-natured ‘Shorty’ nickname as well as ‘Len’ and ‘Lenny’.”
“How kind of you,” Leonard replied dryly. He made a show of channel surfing rapidly, but Sheldon was still fixated on the subject at hand to do anything but glare.
“Yes. The latter part of your name does not provide any moniker opportunities either since you have expressed distaste of your name having the word ‘nerd’ in it.”
“Mmhmm,” Leonard agreed. “Too bad for you, huh… Shelly?”
Sheldon narrowed his eyes, taking in his roommate’s smirk. “You called me that just to mess with my statistics, didn’t you?”
“Always so smart!” Leonard’s smirk widened, taking in Sheldon’s little huff of frustration. “Look, I don’t need a nickname, alright? Don’t worry about it. I’m going to bed; I’ll see you in the morning.”
“Don’t think you’ve heard the last of this conversation, Leonard!” Sheldon called out as he watched Leonard head down the hall towards their bedrooms. Shaking his head, Sheldon made a tsk-ing sound. Leonard was impossible.
……………..
“I require assistance,” Sheldon announced formally as he carefully placed his cafeteria tray on the table. Already seated, Raj and Howard glanced up from their plates to stare at the taller physicist.
“...Moving back to your home planet?” Howard offered helpfully. Leonard let out a chuckle, setting his tray down next to Sheldon’s.
“No,” Sheldon returned, giving Howard a frown. “I have been trying to give Leonard a nickname, but he’s being impossible. I need some suggestions.”
Groaning, Leonard pushed his creamed corn around with his fork. “C’mon, Sheldon, just let it go!”
“Why do you want to give Leonard a nickname? Are you going to give us nicknames too?” Raj asked.
“Good question,” Leonard muttered darkly. “He’s not telling me anything.”
“The reason is irrelevant at the moment,” Sheldon dismissed the question.
“How can you say that” Leonard sputtered, “when it directly affects me?”
“I’ve got it! He can be…. ‘Laser Len’!” Raj announced with a smile. Looking pleased with himself, the Indian’s happiness faltered as the man in question redirected his glare.
“’The Hooded Avenger’!” Howard offered.
“That’s dumb. Who is he avenging?” Raj scoffed. Howard shrugged and took a bite out of his roll.
“What about… ‘The Hof’?” Raj cracked after a moment.
“I am not listening to this,” Leonard announced, grabbing his tray. He had hardly touched his food, but he didn’t have much of an appetite. His friends’ teasing was tolerable, but not knowing Sheldon’s reasoning behind this sudden obsession was disconcerting. Foolishly, Leonard hoped that Sheldon would lose interest before he wound up with a nickname like ‘Captain Underpants’.
Much to Leonard’s relief, Sheldon dropped the topic for the rest of the day. Even when they returned home, no mentions of nicknames were brought up. Surprised and even more unsettled, Leonard went to bed that night pondering what could have brought on this fixation. Sheldon’s family had called him “Shelly” since he was a child, but Sheldon held no sympathy for any perceived deficits in Leonard’s own childhood, so it couldn’t be a comparison… Perhaps it merely a social experiment. When it came to Sheldon, who knew? Leonard decided that he had lost enough sleep over trying to figure out his roommate and rolled over, curling up under the covers.
………..
Knock knock knock. “Leonard.
Knock knock knock. “Leonard.
Knock knock knock. “Leonard.
Cracking open one eye, Leonard glared into the darkness. He knew without looking that it was some obscene hour. Fervently wishing Sheldon would go the fuck away, Leonard pulled the covers over his head.
“May I come in?” Sheldon nudged the door open. A sliver of light illuminated the blue bulge in the middle of Leonard’s bed.
“Nrrgh,” the bulge grumbled.
“Since I was unable to reach a satisfactory conclusion regarding your nickname, I decided to poll the neighbors,” Sheldon’s voice continued to taunt Leonard’s ears. Even while pretending that he wasn’t heeding his roommate’s words, Leonard could hear the tiredness in Sheldon’s voice. Wait. Did he just say poll the neighbors?
Slowly rolling over and pushing the covers away, Leonard reached for his glasses and studied the clock on his nightstand. Three a.m. Three freaking o’clock in the morning.
“When… did you poll the neighbors?” Leonard tried to recall if Sheldon had left the apartment in the time between arriving home from work and bedtime.
“Just now,” Sheldon replied simply. Leonard squinted, noticing a notebook in his friend’s hand.
“Oh, god…” Leonard groaned. “Are you saying you knocked on doors at three in the morning… in your pajamas?”
Sheldon glanced down, looking surprised to note that he was, in fact, in his pajamas.
“Oh, god,” Leonard repeated. “Ok, this has to stop.”
“Where are you going?” Sheldon questioned as Leonard stuck his feet into his slippers and reached for his robe.
“To the kitchen. C’mon, I’ll heat you up some milk. If you don’t tell me why you’re so obsessed with nicknames all of a sudden, I might drink milk too,” Leonard threatened as he pushed past his friend. Obediently following Leonard to the kitchen, Sheldon took his place on the couch, quietly watching as Leonard fished out the milk carton and a microwavable cup. When Leonard brought over the warm drink, Sheldon laid his notebook beside him, taking the offered beverage with both hands.
Sitting down in his own chair, Leonard waited until the other man took a sip of his milk before encouraging him to start talking.
“Aren’t you interested in the results?” Sheldon protested.
“No, I’m not. I can’t imagine you got any intelligible responses at three in the morning, either,” Leonard countered.
“I did get a few obscenities and unwarranted suggestions as to which destination I should travel,” Sheldon allowed, taking another sip of milk.
“I derive a certain amount of contentment when you call me ‘Shelly,’” he began softly, concentrating his gaze on his slipper-clad feet. “Amy and I were discussing her use of ‘bestie’ as an epithet of Penny’s acceptance of their relationship; I thought perhaps it would be fitting if I gave you a similar label.”
Leonard digested Sheldon’s words for a moment. “…So you and Amy could compare outcomes? Like an experiment?”
Sheldon glanced up, meeting Leonard’s gaze briefly. “Well, I suppose we would compare factoids; however, that was not my original intent.”
“Really…” Leonard raised a brow. Sheldon was still avoiding his eyes, a sure sign that the physicist was trying to avoid an emotional situation.
“Ok, Shelly. I didn’t realize you liked me calling you that so much. I’m sorry I don’t say it more often, but even you have realized that I use it as a term of endearment… and you’re not always endearing,” Leonard added dryly.
“Functioning at less than optimal capacity is endearing?” Sheldon questioned incredulously.
“Um, it is when you’re not argumentative and condescending, yes.” Plus, he looked damn adorable half-asleep, not that Leonard could admit that out loud, “Anyway, you don’t need to give me a nickname just because Amy gave Penny one. You already call me your best friend, and that makes me happy. I never really had a best friend before I met you,” Leonard confesses softly. “You can’t really compare Amy and Penny’s new friendship with our old one. I mean, technically you can compare them, but there really isn’t any point. Different people have different relationships.”
“So, I’m your primary friend, correct?” Sheldon’s gaze shifted from his own feet to Leonard’s.
“Yes, Sheldon. You’re my best friend, my primary friend, whatever-the-hell-you-want-to-call it friend,” Leonard stated firmly.
“We have reached a satisfactory agreement,” Sheldon mumbled into his milk glass after a moment of silence.
“Good. Do me a favor… next time you decide to have an emotional crisis, please have it within waking daylight hours.” Leonard stood, stretching his arms.
“I did not have an emotional crisis,” Sheldon objected. Emotional turmoil fell under Leonard’s skills, not his!
“Did too.” Leonard was suddenly too tired to respond further and took Sheldon’s empty cup to the kitchen. The sound of shuffling feet alerted Leonard to Sheldon’s close presence and the shorter physicist waved his roommate towards the hallway. Flipping the light switch off, Leonard carefully made his way towards his room. The sound of running water was coming from the bathroom, and Leonard paused outside the door to watch Sheldon brushing his teeth. The taller scientist’s reflection in the mirror looked so sleepily disheveled that Leonard couldn’t help but smile.
As Sheldon emerged from the bathroom, Leonard gave into an irrational impulse. Standing on his tippy-toes, the curly-haired man planted a kiss on Sheldon’s pale cheek. Like a deer in headlights, Sheldon stared mutely as Leonard backed away nervously.
“Um, ok. Good night, Shelly,” Leonard stammered, almost running into his roommate’s door post as he turned and fled into the safety of his room. He was probably already hiding under the covers, Sheldon thought. Typical Leonard, always overreacting to his emotions. His roommate was nothing if not hasty. His. Yes, that sounded auspicious. His Leonard.
Sheldon wondered briefly if Leonard would have issues with the possessive title. No matter; Leonard was full of issues. If Amy had assigned Penny’s nickname without permission, then he certainly did not need to ask either. Leonard would just have to ‘deal with it’ as the street people say.
/End
Thought I'd sneak this in before Spring Break. Happy March! ♥