Okay, so I admit I was a little apprehensive going into this. Stomach churning, butt-cheeks clenching, all the familiar stuff you feel when you're facing-- Whatever it was I was facing
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"There's no need to be snippy?" I looked at Wes-- Me, what? --incredulously, wondering if I'd heard him right. "You made it sound so simple what with the standing still and the candles and the chanting. You gave me a penis! *Your* penis! And if that's not a very, very eww moment right there? I don't know what is."
"Would you please not say penis when referring to my anatomy?"
What the hell does he want me to call it? His John Thomas, his one-eyed trouser snake? Geez, after boinking Lilah for all those months I thought he'd have come out of his shell a little.
"Wesley, you are wrong." Big, blue and stupid told me, looking me up and down, "You sound different. You will explain this to me!"
Oh, she was getting in my face. She was so getting in my face... And if I knew for certain that I could glow right now? I'd be telling Wesley to do it... Or at least letting him know what figurative buttons to press to--
Wait, wait, wait. This was her fault? Hers?! She was the reason I had a penis? "Wait a minute--" I started, right when she went off on one of her rants. Godking, pandemonium... It was all pretty boring.
Until Wesley fell.
I tried not to laugh, really I did. Tried to cover up my snigger with one hand while looking anyplace but at Wesley... But I couldn't help it. The situation was so utterly insane and-- "Oh my God, just be thankful I don't have wedges." I said between laughter, finding it weirdly kind of freaky that I sort of liked the feel of Wesley's hands. Big and manly and-- Was that weird? I mean, I wasn't gearing up for the big Jones over Wesley but... He had nice hands.
She really ought to stop about my penis. It's getting quite embarrassing. This is Cordelia for gods sake! She's not sup- Oh dear lord! We must find a way to switch back and fast, or she'll *see* that...my...penis. She'll have to use the loo eventually right? And so would I? Bloody hell! I've... Oh dear lord.
Grumbling, I pushed myself up and glared at her. "It's not funny," I hissed, bending down to brush myself off and getting my hands tangled in her dress. Growling, I pulled them loose and pushed the hair out of my face again. Still very soft. Standing up straight, I crossed my arms in front of my chest. Or tried too. I looked down confused for a moment before dropping my arms to my side.
Illyria looked between us with a look I'd never seen on her face before. Dare I call it bewilderment? "You sound like Wesley. Why is this," she demanded to know, getting into *my* face now. Ice-cold blue eyes seemed to stare right through me and I suddenly felt shorter. Probably because I *was* shorter. It was...disconcerning.
Closing my eyes, I took a few calming breaths. We needed to find a solution and quick. She finally has a body, but it's mine. This is not how I planned this. Why, why can't anything I do ever go right? I'd only wanted to help her. And now look what happened. Granted, it as Illyria who disrupted the spell. But I should've kept my eyes and ears open. I should've made certain she wouldn't interrupt us.
"I'm sorry," I muttered, running hand through my hair. Very long hair. This was just surreal. "We need to find a way to switch back." Good lord, if Angel sees us well both find ourself in a mental institution. Besides, I don't know if Cordelia wants Angel to know she's back. "I'll start research."
"Wesley!" Illyria's angry voice came and I winced at that. She looked back and forth between Cordelia and myself. "You will explain! Or I shall rip your tongue out and victoriously feast on it!" She did one of those jerks with her chin again, alternating her glare between Cordelia and myself.
Not funny my ass, I thought smugly, my smile fading somewhat when Wesley tried to cross his arms over my chest. Why was it that when he did that he looked so-- Awkward?
I'd never had any trouble with doing that before... Although I guess I'd had practice.
I watched as Illyria went over to Wesley, bending down to look into his eyes and-- Was I always that short?
"We need to find a way to switch back."
"Understatement of the century," I muttered. We were really going to have to have a talk about this whole drinking thing, especially if it left him like this every morning. Besides-- Oooh. Right around the time that Illyria was telling Wesley that she was going to rip out his tongue? I remembered something.
It was a lot easier to get into high places when you were taller and weren't wearing heels. I reached up above the counter of the lobby, way, way up-- And almost let out a victorious yell when I felt a bottle of pills I'd left there in case of... Uh, emergency.
Okay, so they were three years old but my-- Wesley's head? Was officially killing me.
"What?" I frowned, when he shot me a look, "You think I'm leaving this headache to get worse? Please, I said I'd be around for the hangover, not carry it for you."
I popped two pills into my mouth, looked at Illyria, and blinked for a second. "He was doing a spell to get-- Uhm." Maybe it would be better if I was pretending to actually be Wesley, then she wouldn't get suspicious and tell Angel.
"Well, ah... I..." I rolled my eyes, puzzled by how to word it and tried my damndest to come up with a convincing Wesley voice, "Well, Cordelia showed up yesterday and... I was doing a spell, see? I-- Cordelia?" I shot a pointed glance at Wesley, "Would you like to explain?"
We needed to get rid of Illyria and the distraction she was giving us...me, again. I cannot afford anything else to go wrong now. There has already gone to much wong. Though, if one compares it to the rest? This is mariginaly less worse. At least no one died this time. Swallowing hard, I glanced down at my bare feet, noticing I could see them now. Odd that. And Cordelia had very nice feet. Cute.
Sighing, I glanced up just in time to see Cordelia reached up and pulled out a bottle of pills. Why would she be hiding a bottle of pills? I frowned and gave her a worried look. Just exactly how bad had these visions been before she became a demon? Before we finally found out they were killing her? How long had she been hiding her pain?
"They're not that bad," I said, when she mentioned the headache. Hangover. Come on now. If I can do it nearly every day, she should to. "I'd suggest getting more whiskey, but I doubt you'd go for that." I wonder if the bottle of Scotch I'd hidden in my desk is still around as well.
"Quiet!" Illyria shouted and then turned back to Cordelia. Err...me. Cordelia. Sod it. "Explain," she demanded. Which Cordelia then tried to do.
I raised my eyebrow at that, wondering if she knew she didn't actually have to lower her voice. She was talking with my voice, no need to pretend. She *was* me, physically at least. "What?" I blinked at her and snorted.
"Does it look like I have 'brainiac' written all over my forehead?" I asked, trying to mimic the way Cordy talked. Waving my hand toward my forehead, I nearly poked my eye out again with those nails. I remember those digging into my shoulder or chest on occasion. They're far more lethal looking from up close.
"We will return to the Wolf, the Ram and the Hart," Illyria announced. "The halfbreeds will explain if you cannot."
What? No! Oh no, no, no. We will not go and see *any* halfbreeds. I mean, Angel or Spike. Christ. They cannot find out, ever. I shared a glance with Cordelia and we were obviously both thinking the same. "Uhm... A spell has gone wrong and uhm... That's basically it. Now please stop intrudin- I mean, stop yakking around. I need to do more rese-. I mean Wesley, needs to do his research...stuff...mojo...thing." Bloody hell, trying to talk like Cordelia is hard.
Not that bad? Uh, hello, did he see me reaching for the emergency stash of pills? This was so *that* bad. It didn't help that we had the big, blue, asshatty one demanding answers, like, every five seconds.
"Does it look like I have 'brainiac' written all over my forehead?"
My mouth opened and I looked at Wesley, shocked, stunned-- And so very impressed by his acting skills. At first, I sort of wanted to laugh, but then? I realised it'd ruin the charade.
"Yes, well, Cordelia," I said pointedly, throwing enough frustration in my voice to make Illyria think I was really Wesley, "Nor do I. You're just going to have to be pati--"
"We will return to the Wolf, the Ram and the Hart, the halfbreeds will explain if you cannot."
Noooo. No, no, no and NO. I didn't want to walk into Wolfram and Hart like *this*. I wanted to see the look on Angel's face when he realised I was back from the dead and stuff and--
"Uhm... A spell has gone wrong and uhm... That's basically it. Now please stop intrudin- I mean, stop yakking around. I need to do more rese-. I mean Wesley, needs to do his research...stuff...mojo...thing."
Stop yakking around? I stifled a laugh behind my hand again, and nodded at Illyria, "She's right. We, uh, we tried a spell to make her all go-throughable again--" Not sounding like Wesley here! "--And we... She... You can see that she's confused. Falling over a lot..." Geez, we needed to get him flat shoes. And they so did nothing for my calves. "I just need to make sure Cordelia's not, like-- Uhm. Not blowing a fuse inside that head of hers. Yes. Hence the needing to research. A lot..."
Okay, talking like Wesley? So very, very hard. At least with me you could just think of any Valley Girl and have my mannerisms down pat - what'd I have with Wesley? Giles? I think not.
Arching an eyebrow, I blinked when Cordelia tried to talk as though she were me. I seriously do not talk like that do? Good lord, I hope not. I sound like a pompous arse. I sound like bloody Giles! Then again, talking as though I were Cordelia gives me a sore throat. I can only imagine what is like for her.
I scowled at Cordelia when she mentioned that I was confused and falling over a lot. "You try walking on these torture devices," I muttered, shifting a little on my feet. Oh wait. She *can* walk on those things. Dammit, there goes that trump out the window. Looking over at..myself, I tried to figure out what Cordelia was thinking. And how incredibly strange is it to try and read your own facial expression?
What does she mean 'blowing a fuse?' As though she's not on the verge of doing that herself! "Yes, I mean...yeah," This is just horrible. I'm sounding like Harmony here. "I'm a little confused. And uhm...like I, I mean Wesley, needs to do research like now." I don't think Cordy say's 'like' that much.
Illyria looked at us both dubiously. She moved her fingers in this eerie way of hers and blinked once. "I shall revert to the courtyard. I need to converse about this with beings of higher intelligence." She turned around quickly on the balls of her feet and stalked out of the building. Right through the boarding of the door.
I watched her stalk off and vowed to myself that as long as I was in Cordy's body? I'd treat it with respect. Unlike how Illyria used Fred's body. Her...shell. "Did she just say that plants are more intelligent then humans?" I asked incredulously. Sighing, I leaned back against the desk and tried to cross my arms in front of my chest again. "Bloody hell. What a mess," I muttered, squirming a little and dropping my arms at my side again. "Are you certain this isn't a push up bra?"
"Just be thankful it's not my time of the month," I muttered under my breath, watching Wesley as he told her that he was a little confused.
Little? Please. Was he always King of the Understatement?
"I shall revert to the courtyard. I need to converse about this with beings of higher intelligence."
I watched Fre-- Illyria leave, my spirits sinking a little. Fred used to do that... Not walk through boards or anything, she wasn't that strong. But-- Talking with the plants. I guessed she really was a genius beyond her means, huh?
"Bloody hell. What a mess," Wes murmured, drawing me back to the present again, "Are you certain this isn't a push up bra?"
Scowling, I folded my own arms - uh, his - across my chest, "Hey, you should know, Mr. I'll Cop a Feelski While I think No-one's Watching." And just for effect, I looked down. "Is having man-parts always this uncomfortable? Or did you shove something down there to make it look bigger?"
I was beginning to understand why men were always rearranging down there. First it was to the left, then it was to the right and-- Ewwww, my life just could not be more suckier.
I flinched when she said I'd copped a feel when I thought no one was watching. That had not been my intention. In fact, I had no idea I'd been in Cordelia's body when I did that. Clearing my throat, I looked down at my...her, feet. Wondering if bright red really was a good shade for these toes. I paused and stared at the floor for a moment. When, exactly, did I wonder about nail polish?
My head jerked up as she started about my man...parts again. I had no idea Cordelia could blush, but it certainly felt like it. It was so very strange to have someone else's body react to my feelings and emotions. Automatically I glanced at my own crotch and then back up to my face with a stern look.
"That is completely authentic," I said dryly, trying to ignore the fact that I was blushing like...a girl. "I've no need to use any socks or the likes." And, I thought squirming a little again, neither did Cordelia. But this bra? Another torture device. Why the hell do women need to dress so terribly uncomfortably? And bloody painful? I don't understand that.
"Well, when you're quite done exchanging anatomic un-pleasantries? I think we should try to find a way to reverse this rather uncomfortable side effect. And I'd hate to say this, but the quickest way will be if we..I mean..I...you...err...used the templates over at Wolfram and Hart." And how in the blazes are we going to do that? I don't think either of us wishes anyone else to see us like this.
I grinned when Wesley said that his, uh, man parts were completely authentic. "Ha," I was all over the triumphant-ness, "Now you know how it feels, insisting I have a push-up bra. Please. My boobs? Stay up all on their own."
And I would totally have grabbed them-- Except me mauling myself when I was in Wesley's body was just oh-so-gross.
"Well, when you're quite done exchanging anatomic un-pleasantries? I think we should try to find a way to reverse this rather uncomfortable side effect. And I'd hate to say this, but the quickest way will be if we..I mean..I...you...err...used the templates over at Wolfram and Hart."
I was about to come back with some quick quip about how *my* anatomy wasn't particular unpleasant when Wesley mentioned templates. And Wolfram and Hart.
And no.
"Nuh-uh, nope and also? No." I shook my head, "There is no way in hell we're getting Wolfram and Hart involved in this one, Wesley. You really think I want someone there taking over my body? At least when it's you controlling I know you won't go knock me up and let hellspawn give birth to itself. Wolfram and Hart? Totally different matter."
I pretty much knew we were running out of options but... Wolfram and Hart? Did we have to?
I was just about to run my hand through my hair again when she had to mention her bosom once more. I froze and couldn't help but glance down. When I noticed what I was doing, my eyes darted around the room and looked anywhere but at her. Him. Me. Her. Goddamit.
And how incredibly surreal was it to hear words such as 'boobs' and 'penis' coming out of your very own mouth? Without the accustomed accent? It was like watching one of those dubbed foreign movies with yourself in the lead role. Well, isn't that just a perfect Cordelia analogy. I wonder if my thinking is effected by her brain.
I sighed when she protested against going over to Wolfram and Hart. It wasn't unexpected. And it wasn't as though I was jumping for joy either. Far from it. If Angel runs into me...I mean, Cordelia in my body? Padded cell, here I come. But it *was* the fastest way.
"Cordelia," I sighed, rubbing my temples without poking any appendages. Hey look, I'm learning. "It's the quickest way. I can look in the books we've here. But the big question is *if* it is even in these books. We were very luck to find a spell this fast. That'll never happen twice." That has to be a universal rule.
"But if you don't want to do that. Then we'll have to take most of these books and go back to my flat. And hope that we'll find something when I combine these books with mine. And even then it... God, it could take weeks. Months even." Bloody hell. And with the template it might only take a minute.
Great. Now he was going on about how going to Wolfram and Hart like *this* was the quickest way to do things. The quickest way, apparently, to get my body back.
I knew he was right. Of course, I also hated that he was right but... This was Wesley. I always hated when he was right, it wasn't just reserved for the moments when he was in my body and looking at my boobs.
"But if you don't want to do that. Then we'll have to take most of these books and go back to my flat. And hope that we'll find something when I combine these books with mine. And even then it... God, it could take weeks. Months even."
"Months?" I blinked, "It could take months?" Oh, this was bad. This was very, very bad.
"So say I go to Wolfram and Hart," I said carefully, "*Not* that I'm thinking it's a great idea... I can just put my hand on the book, right? I mean, I don't have to see anybody I can, like... Stake?" Because I so would stake Angel if I saw him right now. I had my body back, I could do it!
I was about to turn around and gather the books so we could take them to my flat. At least this time there the cabdrivers wont look at me as though I'm... Then again, they might. We're both behaving rather oddly. Hell, I can't even walk normally on those shoes, and I suppose going around barefooted would be strange. Nor do I guess Cordy would appreciate that.
But then realization hits Cordelia. I blink at her and then frown. "Well no," I shrug. I lean against the counter with my elbow, crossing my...her...ankles over each other. It Dawns on me that such a manly pose must look rather ridiculous while being in Cordy's body. Any posture I do in this body feels off balanced. I'm actually surprised at how well Cordelia is handling this.
Sighing, I stand up straight again, smoothing out the skirt. And can I just take this opportunity to say how uncomfortable skirts are? They are. "You need to get the right template and then you whisper at...it." I wrinkle my nose at the looks she gives me and realize that is must sound rather...insane.
"That's how it works," I say defensively. "Just ask it and it'll show up on the pages. Until then it's an empty book." Oh dear lord. Cordelia going over there alone? That'll never go well. She'll be bound to either run into Angel or not being able to find the bloody book. And I really think I look rather spooky with that look in my eyes. "I'm not sure you should go there by yourself." Narrowing my...her...eyes, I giver her a thoughtful look.
The way he leans against the counter looks kinda stupid, especially since he's using my body to do it.
I watch him for a while, mumbling something about templates. He really should stop doing all those manly gestures in my body. Butch, I am not.
"That's how it works, just ask it and it'll show up on the pages. Until then it's an empty book."
"So you're telling me you just say to the book, 'oh dear and wordy one, please give me your wisdom' or whatever and it just... Shows up?" Uh-huh, and ask me again how much I wasn't believing that? Please.
"I'm not sure you should go there by yourself."
What? I took in his narrowed eyes, his arms folded across his very ample chest, and frowned. "What? Why?"
What did he think I was going to go over there and, like, let all kinds of havoc break loose? I was more sane than he was these days and that was saying something. "Look, if you're that worried about me? You can sit outside or something... But you're not coming in with *that* body. Nuh-uh. I want it nowhere near that place. Or Angel."
"Would you please not say penis when referring to my anatomy?"
What the hell does he want me to call it? His John Thomas, his one-eyed trouser snake? Geez, after boinking Lilah for all those months I thought he'd have come out of his shell a little.
"Wesley, you are wrong." Big, blue and stupid told me, looking me up and down, "You sound different. You will explain this to me!"
Oh, she was getting in my face. She was so getting in my face... And if I knew for certain that I could glow right now? I'd be telling Wesley to do it... Or at least letting him know what figurative buttons to press to--
Wait, wait, wait. This was her fault? Hers?! She was the reason I had a penis? "Wait a minute--" I started, right when she went off on one of her rants. Godking, pandemonium... It was all pretty boring.
Until Wesley fell.
I tried not to laugh, really I did. Tried to cover up my snigger with one hand while looking anyplace but at Wesley... But I couldn't help it. The situation was so utterly insane and-- "Oh my God, just be thankful I don't have wedges." I said between laughter, finding it weirdly kind of freaky that I sort of liked the feel of Wesley's hands. Big and manly and-- Was that weird? I mean, I wasn't gearing up for the big Jones over Wesley but... He had nice hands.
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Grumbling, I pushed myself up and glared at her. "It's not funny," I hissed, bending down to brush myself off and getting my hands tangled in her dress. Growling, I pulled them loose and pushed the hair out of my face again. Still very soft. Standing up straight, I crossed my arms in front of my chest. Or tried too. I looked down confused for a moment before dropping my arms to my side.
Illyria looked between us with a look I'd never seen on her face before. Dare I call it bewilderment? "You sound like Wesley. Why is this," she demanded to know, getting into *my* face now. Ice-cold blue eyes seemed to stare right through me and I suddenly felt shorter. Probably because I *was* shorter. It was...disconcerning.
Closing my eyes, I took a few calming breaths. We needed to find a solution and quick. She finally has a body, but it's mine. This is not how I planned this. Why, why can't anything I do ever go right? I'd only wanted to help her. And now look what happened. Granted, it as Illyria who disrupted the spell. But I should've kept my eyes and ears open. I should've made certain she wouldn't interrupt us.
"I'm sorry," I muttered, running hand through my hair. Very long hair. This was just surreal. "We need to find a way to switch back." Good lord, if Angel sees us well both find ourself in a mental institution. Besides, I don't know if Cordelia wants Angel to know she's back. "I'll start research."
"Wesley!" Illyria's angry voice came and I winced at that. She looked back and forth between Cordelia and myself. "You will explain! Or I shall rip your tongue out and victoriously feast on it!" She did one of those jerks with her chin again, alternating her glare between Cordelia and myself.
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I'd never had any trouble with doing that before... Although I guess I'd had practice.
I watched as Illyria went over to Wesley, bending down to look into his eyes and-- Was I always that short?
"We need to find a way to switch back."
"Understatement of the century," I muttered. We were really going to have to have a talk about this whole drinking thing, especially if it left him like this every morning. Besides-- Oooh. Right around the time that Illyria was telling Wesley that she was going to rip out his tongue? I remembered something.
It was a lot easier to get into high places when you were taller and weren't wearing heels. I reached up above the counter of the lobby, way, way up-- And almost let out a victorious yell when I felt a bottle of pills I'd left there in case of... Uh, emergency.
Okay, so they were three years old but my-- Wesley's head? Was officially killing me.
"What?" I frowned, when he shot me a look, "You think I'm leaving this headache to get worse? Please, I said I'd be around for the hangover, not carry it for you."
I popped two pills into my mouth, looked at Illyria, and blinked for a second. "He was doing a spell to get-- Uhm." Maybe it would be better if I was pretending to actually be Wesley, then she wouldn't get suspicious and tell Angel.
"Well, ah... I..." I rolled my eyes, puzzled by how to word it and tried my damndest to come up with a convincing Wesley voice, "Well, Cordelia showed up yesterday and... I was doing a spell, see? I-- Cordelia?" I shot a pointed glance at Wesley, "Would you like to explain?"
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Sighing, I glanced up just in time to see Cordelia reached up and pulled out a bottle of pills. Why would she be hiding a bottle of pills? I frowned and gave her a worried look. Just exactly how bad had these visions been before she became a demon? Before we finally found out they were killing her? How long had she been hiding her pain?
"They're not that bad," I said, when she mentioned the headache. Hangover. Come on now. If I can do it nearly every day, she should to. "I'd suggest getting more whiskey, but I doubt you'd go for that." I wonder if the bottle of Scotch I'd hidden in my desk is still around as well.
"Quiet!" Illyria shouted and then turned back to Cordelia. Err...me. Cordelia. Sod it. "Explain," she demanded. Which Cordelia then tried to do.
I raised my eyebrow at that, wondering if she knew she didn't actually have to lower her voice. She was talking with my voice, no need to pretend. She *was* me, physically at least. "What?" I blinked at her and snorted.
"Does it look like I have 'brainiac' written all over my forehead?" I asked, trying to mimic the way Cordy talked. Waving my hand toward my forehead, I nearly poked my eye out again with those nails. I remember those digging into my shoulder or chest on occasion. They're far more lethal looking from up close.
"We will return to the Wolf, the Ram and the Hart," Illyria announced. "The halfbreeds will explain if you cannot."
What? No! Oh no, no, no. We will not go and see *any* halfbreeds. I mean, Angel or Spike. Christ. They cannot find out, ever. I shared a glance with Cordelia and we were obviously both thinking the same. "Uhm... A spell has gone wrong and uhm... That's basically it. Now please stop intrudin- I mean, stop yakking around. I need to do more rese-. I mean Wesley, needs to do his research...stuff...mojo...thing." Bloody hell, trying to talk like Cordelia is hard.
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"Does it look like I have 'brainiac' written all over my forehead?"
My mouth opened and I looked at Wesley, shocked, stunned-- And so very impressed by his acting skills. At first, I sort of wanted to laugh, but then? I realised it'd ruin the charade.
"Yes, well, Cordelia," I said pointedly, throwing enough frustration in my voice to make Illyria think I was really Wesley, "Nor do I. You're just going to have to be pati--"
"We will return to the Wolf, the Ram and the Hart, the halfbreeds will explain if you cannot."
Noooo. No, no, no and NO. I didn't want to walk into Wolfram and Hart like *this*. I wanted to see the look on Angel's face when he realised I was back from the dead and stuff and--
"Uhm... A spell has gone wrong and uhm... That's basically it. Now please stop intrudin- I mean, stop yakking around. I need to do more rese-. I mean Wesley, needs to do his research...stuff...mojo...thing."
Stop yakking around? I stifled a laugh behind my hand again, and nodded at Illyria, "She's right. We, uh, we tried a spell to make her all go-throughable again--" Not sounding like Wesley here! "--And we... She... You can see that she's confused. Falling over a lot..." Geez, we needed to get him flat shoes. And they so did nothing for my calves. "I just need to make sure Cordelia's not, like-- Uhm. Not blowing a fuse inside that head of hers. Yes. Hence the needing to research. A lot..."
Okay, talking like Wesley? So very, very hard. At least with me you could just think of any Valley Girl and have my mannerisms down pat - what'd I have with Wesley? Giles? I think not.
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I scowled at Cordelia when she mentioned that I was confused and falling over a lot. "You try walking on these torture devices," I muttered, shifting a little on my feet. Oh wait. She *can* walk on those things. Dammit, there goes that trump out the window. Looking over at..myself, I tried to figure out what Cordelia was thinking. And how incredibly strange is it to try and read your own facial expression?
What does she mean 'blowing a fuse?' As though she's not on the verge of doing that herself! "Yes, I mean...yeah," This is just horrible. I'm sounding like Harmony here. "I'm a little confused. And uhm...like I, I mean Wesley, needs to do research like now." I don't think Cordy say's 'like' that much.
Illyria looked at us both dubiously. She moved her fingers in this eerie way of hers and blinked once. "I shall revert to the courtyard. I need to converse about this with beings of higher intelligence." She turned around quickly on the balls of her feet and stalked out of the building. Right through the boarding of the door.
I watched her stalk off and vowed to myself that as long as I was in Cordy's body? I'd treat it with respect. Unlike how Illyria used Fred's body. Her...shell. "Did she just say that plants are more intelligent then humans?" I asked incredulously. Sighing, I leaned back against the desk and tried to cross my arms in front of my chest again. "Bloody hell. What a mess," I muttered, squirming a little and dropping my arms at my side again. "Are you certain this isn't a push up bra?"
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"Just be thankful it's not my time of the month," I muttered under my breath, watching Wesley as he told her that he was a little confused.
Little? Please. Was he always King of the Understatement?
"I shall revert to the courtyard. I need to converse about this with beings of higher intelligence."
I watched Fre-- Illyria leave, my spirits sinking a little. Fred used to do that... Not walk through boards or anything, she wasn't that strong. But-- Talking with the plants. I guessed she really was a genius beyond her means, huh?
"Bloody hell. What a mess," Wes murmured, drawing me back to the present again, "Are you certain this isn't a push up bra?"
Scowling, I folded my own arms - uh, his - across my chest, "Hey, you should know, Mr. I'll Cop a Feelski While I think No-one's Watching." And just for effect, I looked down. "Is having man-parts always this uncomfortable? Or did you shove something down there to make it look bigger?"
I was beginning to understand why men were always rearranging down there. First it was to the left, then it was to the right and-- Ewwww, my life just could not be more suckier.
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My head jerked up as she started about my man...parts again. I had no idea Cordelia could blush, but it certainly felt like it. It was so very strange to have someone else's body react to my feelings and emotions. Automatically I glanced at my own crotch and then back up to my face with a stern look.
"That is completely authentic," I said dryly, trying to ignore the fact that I was blushing like...a girl. "I've no need to use any socks or the likes." And, I thought squirming a little again, neither did Cordelia. But this bra? Another torture device. Why the hell do women need to dress so terribly uncomfortably? And bloody painful? I don't understand that.
"Well, when you're quite done exchanging anatomic un-pleasantries? I think we should try to find a way to reverse this rather uncomfortable side effect. And I'd hate to say this, but the quickest way will be if we..I mean..I...you...err...used the templates over at Wolfram and Hart." And how in the blazes are we going to do that? I don't think either of us wishes anyone else to see us like this.
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And I would totally have grabbed them-- Except me mauling myself when I was in Wesley's body was just oh-so-gross.
"Well, when you're quite done exchanging anatomic un-pleasantries? I think we should try to find a way to reverse this rather uncomfortable side effect. And I'd hate to say this, but the quickest way will be if we..I mean..I...you...err...used the templates over at Wolfram and Hart."
I was about to come back with some quick quip about how *my* anatomy wasn't particular unpleasant when Wesley mentioned templates. And Wolfram and Hart.
And no.
"Nuh-uh, nope and also? No." I shook my head, "There is no way in hell we're getting Wolfram and Hart involved in this one, Wesley. You really think I want someone there taking over my body? At least when it's you controlling I know you won't go knock me up and let hellspawn give birth to itself. Wolfram and Hart? Totally different matter."
I pretty much knew we were running out of options but... Wolfram and Hart? Did we have to?
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And how incredibly surreal was it to hear words such as 'boobs' and 'penis' coming out of your very own mouth? Without the accustomed accent? It was like watching one of those dubbed foreign movies with yourself in the lead role. Well, isn't that just a perfect Cordelia analogy. I wonder if my thinking is effected by her brain.
I sighed when she protested against going over to Wolfram and Hart. It wasn't unexpected. And it wasn't as though I was jumping for joy either. Far from it. If Angel runs into me...I mean, Cordelia in my body? Padded cell, here I come. But it *was* the fastest way.
"Cordelia," I sighed, rubbing my temples without poking any appendages. Hey look, I'm learning. "It's the quickest way. I can look in the books we've here. But the big question is *if* it is even in these books. We were very luck to find a spell this fast. That'll never happen twice." That has to be a universal rule.
"But if you don't want to do that. Then we'll have to take most of these books and go back to my flat. And hope that we'll find something when I combine these books with mine. And even then it... God, it could take weeks. Months even." Bloody hell. And with the template it might only take a minute.
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I knew he was right. Of course, I also hated that he was right but... This was Wesley. I always hated when he was right, it wasn't just reserved for the moments when he was in my body and looking at my boobs.
"But if you don't want to do that. Then we'll have to take most of these books and go back to my flat. And hope that we'll find something when I combine these books with mine. And even then it... God, it could take weeks. Months even."
"Months?" I blinked, "It could take months?" Oh, this was bad. This was very, very bad.
"So say I go to Wolfram and Hart," I said carefully, "*Not* that I'm thinking it's a great idea... I can just put my hand on the book, right? I mean, I don't have to see anybody I can, like... Stake?" Because I so would stake Angel if I saw him right now. I had my body back, I could do it!
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But then realization hits Cordelia. I blink at her and then frown. "Well no," I shrug. I lean against the counter with my elbow, crossing my...her...ankles over each other. It Dawns on me that such a manly pose must look rather ridiculous while being in Cordy's body. Any posture I do in this body feels off balanced. I'm actually surprised at how well Cordelia is handling this.
Sighing, I stand up straight again, smoothing out the skirt. And can I just take this opportunity to say how uncomfortable skirts are? They are. "You need to get the right template and then you whisper at...it." I wrinkle my nose at the looks she gives me and realize that is must sound rather...insane.
"That's how it works," I say defensively. "Just ask it and it'll show up on the pages. Until then it's an empty book." Oh dear lord. Cordelia going over there alone? That'll never go well. She'll be bound to either run into Angel or not being able to find the bloody book. And I really think I look rather spooky with that look in my eyes. "I'm not sure you should go there by yourself." Narrowing my...her...eyes, I giver her a thoughtful look.
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I watch him for a while, mumbling something about templates. He really should stop doing all those manly gestures in my body. Butch, I am not.
"That's how it works, just ask it and it'll show up on the pages. Until then it's an empty book."
"So you're telling me you just say to the book, 'oh dear and wordy one, please give me your wisdom' or whatever and it just... Shows up?" Uh-huh, and ask me again how much I wasn't believing that? Please.
"I'm not sure you should go there by yourself."
What? I took in his narrowed eyes, his arms folded across his very ample chest, and frowned. "What? Why?"
What did he think I was going to go over there and, like, let all kinds of havoc break loose? I was more sane than he was these days and that was saying something. "Look, if you're that worried about me? You can sit outside or something... But you're not coming in with *that* body. Nuh-uh. I want it nowhere near that place. Or Angel."
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