Fucking science
You can't just disappear in a veil of smoke anymore without the fucking world knowing wtf is going on. Maybe I'd like to be mysterious on purpose. Maybe I don't wanna fucking tell my friends I was a fuck up for ONE moment of my life I'd like to forget for-fucking-ever. Maybe it's why I tried to fucking kill myself and, YAH, that didn't fucking work either. I'm not trying to 'AVOID' my situation. I'm facing that shit head the fuck on. So what if my ENTIRE life is all on the shoulders of a VERY choice few people that are going to be VERY selective of my situation.
So what if I've been training my body for enduring pain instead of doing wtf I was supposed to be doing (looking for college/work). I've given into the fact that I'm fucking done for. I've given in to the fact that my whole "life choices" thing has finally "caught up" with me.
Like I give a fuck anymore.
For 31 years I've been this wonderball of "wtf is gonna happen next?". It's like I go through my life and it's like "hey look! I'm pretty awesome here!"
Then I graduate HS after a maelstrom of fucking hard as fuck fails trying to have a HS sweetheart cause, you know, that's what is "supposed to happen". So, after HS, I said FUCK DAT, IMMA GO ARMY BITCHEZZZZZZZZ
So I go army...3.5 years later, I experience what it's like to lose a friend that was the ONLY person that made me feel "human" in my platoon. So he's dead, and I get booted for trying to get some sleep with a slew of fuck ups that, basically, fucked me over.
Fast forward through a house, 3 ex-g/fs, countless hours of "whoring about", drugs and whatnot of all shapes and sizes, friendships lost because some people took drugs too far or were just fed up with our friendship(s), trying to repair a love that I was "told" was supposed to be... that worked out well XD.
So here I am, in the "hangman's noose" as it were and all I can think is... "well FUCK dude, you've done everything else you were "supposed" to do, so lets go be YOU for awhile somewhere no one else can share in your adventures, just like before, and you'll come out of it dead or "changed" for life, AGAIN.
I've already been told "Look at the bright side of this".
I honestly can't. I dishonored the family. That, alone, fucking kills. I give a fuck if I lose all my friends... I've had to replace many of them over the years. In fact, I really don't have that many, just the few from HS, anymore. Every "new" friend I made was tossed into the furnace with that dumb cunt I spent 3 goddamn years of my wasted life trying to fucking fix what couldn't be fixed.
Waste of my godddamn life. Worthless POS she was...
Who am I to talk? I've got to just take this, one step at a time, like fucking boring as hell stupid as fuck works the fuck out as god damned always. HEY LOOK COLLEGE, pffft. I don't fucking think so.
I'm going to go beat the shit out of myself some more so I can endure more than most people can dream of. This new ankle weight is RIDICULOUS btw.
So what if I've been training my body for enduring pain instead of doing wtf I was supposed to be doing (looking for college/work). I've given into the fact that I'm fucking done for. I've given in to the fact that my whole "life choices" thing has finally "caught up" with me.
Like I give a fuck anymore.
For 31 years I've been this wonderball of "wtf is gonna happen next?". It's like I go through my life and it's like "hey look! I'm pretty awesome here!"
Then I graduate HS after a maelstrom of fucking hard as fuck fails trying to have a HS sweetheart cause, you know, that's what is "supposed to happen". So, after HS, I said FUCK DAT, IMMA GO ARMY BITCHEZZZZZZZZ
So I go army...3.5 years later, I experience what it's like to lose a friend that was the ONLY person that made me feel "human" in my platoon. So he's dead, and I get booted for trying to get some sleep with a slew of fuck ups that, basically, fucked me over.
Fast forward through a house, 3 ex-g/fs, countless hours of "whoring about", drugs and whatnot of all shapes and sizes, friendships lost because some people took drugs too far or were just fed up with our friendship(s), trying to repair a love that I was "told" was supposed to be... that worked out well XD.
So here I am, in the "hangman's noose" as it were and all I can think is... "well FUCK dude, you've done everything else you were "supposed" to do, so lets go be YOU for awhile somewhere no one else can share in your adventures, just like before, and you'll come out of it dead or "changed" for life, AGAIN.
I've already been told "Look at the bright side of this".
I honestly can't. I dishonored the family. That, alone, fucking kills. I give a fuck if I lose all my friends... I've had to replace many of them over the years. In fact, I really don't have that many, just the few from HS, anymore. Every "new" friend I made was tossed into the furnace with that dumb cunt I spent 3 goddamn years of my wasted life trying to fucking fix what couldn't be fixed.
Waste of my godddamn life. Worthless POS she was...
Who am I to talk? I've got to just take this, one step at a time, like fucking boring as hell stupid as fuck works the fuck out as god damned always. HEY LOOK COLLEGE, pffft. I don't fucking think so.
I'm going to go beat the shit out of myself some more so I can endure more than most people can dream of. This new ankle weight is RIDICULOUS btw.