according to the nifty thing at the top of the screen
It has been 23 weeks since i have posted. That is a long time. I thought i had things to say upon stumbling back to this site. But, now that i am here i am not sure what i want to post or if i should. Its been over five months, since i got hateful messages. Its been over five months and i still can't handle it. I guess i never will. I want to believe in second third and a millionth chances (in most cases) but the law does not agree. Well it could but the thing is if i went though the work to get the restraining order then changed it would it be worth it? What if i want through all of it then all the shit began agian? Then the whole proccess would start all over again and it would be harder to deal with and harder to get again.
In other words i am single again. I think it is an ok thing. i have been too codependent on people that i have dated and it has not been healthy for any of us. I hope that if/when i attempt do date again things will be healthier. I am not sure that i will be ready for that for a very long time. I think what has happened over the last year is that i have become extreamly untrusting and afraid. I don't think i will be able to trust someone to tough me again for a long time. Its strange even pathetic possibly even though nothing was physical just pyschological I have still lost a lot of confidence in my body. I am working on getting it back. Since i have been home i have lost a good amount of weight and i am getting back into shape. Which is really exciting.
I had a long talk with a friend from higsh school and she said that people want to be around you when you are happy. And it seems that for a long time after relationships we take a while to get back on our feet and then once we get to walking happy beings others are attracted to us. we get into a relationship it ends and we start all over again. i almost want to avoid relationships until i can have my peroid of happiness without someone. the problem is taht I want to cuddle so badley. But ya know what fixes that? lots of exercise and a comfy bed.
In other words i am single again. I think it is an ok thing. i have been too codependent on people that i have dated and it has not been healthy for any of us. I hope that if/when i attempt do date again things will be healthier. I am not sure that i will be ready for that for a very long time. I think what has happened over the last year is that i have become extreamly untrusting and afraid. I don't think i will be able to trust someone to tough me again for a long time. Its strange even pathetic possibly even though nothing was physical just pyschological I have still lost a lot of confidence in my body. I am working on getting it back. Since i have been home i have lost a good amount of weight and i am getting back into shape. Which is really exciting.
I had a long talk with a friend from higsh school and she said that people want to be around you when you are happy. And it seems that for a long time after relationships we take a while to get back on our feet and then once we get to walking happy beings others are attracted to us. we get into a relationship it ends and we start all over again. i almost want to avoid relationships until i can have my peroid of happiness without someone. the problem is taht I want to cuddle so badley. But ya know what fixes that? lots of exercise and a comfy bed.