thought and self fufilling proficies

[clschizo9]

i can't spell
i have was told and foud that i could not spell a long time ago. Its one of those sores that doesn't go away. But would i get over it if i decided that i did have good grammer if i just decided and focused would it go away?
my shoulders are fucked but are they becasue i let them?

There should be songs playing in the back of this entry...i would make my journal play sounds if i knew how.
Jonny Cash's cover of hurt would play and so would radiohead "just" overlapping because you truley do everything to yourself.

there are someother self established things that have been said and now for all intensive purposes are true... wont be listed
i am worried about future i am worried my fright could fufill it all.
mainly i want to go to sleep and not work to day and feel ok
not that any of that is possible
i donno what to do with myself
maybe i have caught some crazy new deise and that is why i am loosing it and i am getting more deranged. god damn

so so scared!
i need to chill and relax and studdy i need to go read. read and cry. i am so not ready for anything right now!