Eldrid Unne (LJi s8e14)
CHORUS: A “modern” Greek chorus in masks, led by a person who wears a brown Domo baseball cap
ASH LAD: A perplexed young man, entangled in the world around him
RAVEN FELLOWS: Ash’s misguided guiding light, a leader of the pack
LILIN AGRAT: Fellows’ girlfriend and consort
ANTSY PIX: One of the pack and Ash’s best friend
PENELOPE WILLS: A beautiful, older woman
LITTLE ST. MICHAEL: A lost, mischievous little angel with a pipe-cleaner halo and small white wings strapped to his back, unsure of his surroundings
INTERVAL PROCESSION: A parade of people: a Templar Crusader, a modern Indian-American woman, a fiery redhead femme fatale, an English gentleman, a woman covered in scars, a young British man with darker features, and a young girl with auburn hair and glasses
PLACE: The stage, which represents the experiences and how they’re remembered or thought upon
TIME: 2006
ELDRID UNNE
SETTING: The bare stage. UP RIGHT is the place usually reserved for the CHORUS. UP LEFT are some very sheer, light, pastel fabrics as a curtain. DOWN CENTER is possibly a ground marker for monologues. Everything else is bare.
BEFORE CURTAIN: The CHORUS is standing UP RIGHT, their reserved place where they shall be the only action. Each member wears a facial-obscuring mask. Their LEADER is conspicuously pointed out by a baseball cap as he stands to the center of the group. Most other features about the CHORUS are interchangeable and indistinguishing.
(CURTAINS PART to reveal only the chorus. The LIGHTS RISE with the leader standing out from the bunch, addressing the audience over the moans and chanting of the CHORUS)
CHORUS: (In unison) Days, days! Years and months! Life! Half a decade of War! Half a decade of love!
LEADER: Carpe Diem!
CHORUS: (in unison) May Douglas Adams, Jimi Hendrix, and Artaud hear of the day that a lad insane…
LEADER: Ash Lad.
CHORUS: (in unison) A lad impassioned broke down his emotional walls!
LEADER: May his story be sung in glory on high that all inspiration rain down upon thee.
CHORUS: (in unison) Oh! Muses, hear his story!
LEADER: A country torn at war!
CHORUS: (in unison) Thousands dead! Behold, your daddy, your daddy!
LEADER: In turbulent times, a lad ventures. Half a decade after the turn of the millennia, a boy-turned-man wonders what it means to be a man. He holds onto a child’s mind in vain.
CHORUS: (in unison) Behold, your daddy, your daddy!
LEADER: His journey is confusing, to him, most of all. May all who have had doubts and wonder if their eyes lay down to a path see his trouble.
CHORUS: (in unison) Behold, your daddy, your daddy!
LEADER: Beyond the realms of imagination is a pack lead by the crow-ell-er, Raven Fellows, who forces a steep vision upon those around him. What is a lad confused to do? (Cue MUSICAL INTERLUDE #1. The LIGHTS flash RED then DIM, leaving LIGHTS on the LEADER (or SPOTLIGHT.) The CHORUS EXITS RIGHT, passing LITTLE ST. MICHAEL ENTERING RIGHT. LITTLE ST. MICHAEL walks up to the LEADER and tugs on his clothing. The LEADER leans down, shaking his head) No, I don’t know which direction Shea Stadium is. (LITTLE ST. MICHAEL kicks the LEADER in the knee and runs to EXIT RIGHT. The LEADER follows, shaking a fist. Cue MUSICAL INTERLUDE #2, LIGHTS RISE, ASH LAD, ANTSY PIX, RAVEN FELLOWS and LILIN AGRAT ENTERING LEFT. They move to DOWN CENTER throughout the dialogue)
RAVEN: A glorious day, huh, Ash?
ASH: Day, night, it’s the same, it’s all time
ANTSY PIX: The glass is half empty, wrong ways make wake ways for that one (jerks a thumb at ASH)
RAVEN: He is a dreamer, Antsy; dreamers often drift on clouds, finding themselves waking up on hard box springs. (LILIN laughs)
ASH: And what of it? Could I find some peace from waking? Is hell a place we are damned to after life or a life we are damned to live?
LILIN: Hell is a figment, much like dreams.
ASH: Dreams are real… as real as you or I. (faces others, never turns back on audience) …Emotion is what makes us human. Dreams are what fuel emotion. And love?
RAVEN: A lie. The obfuscation of lust, companionship, and need.
ASH: (to ANTSY) And you call me the pessimist.
ANTSY: Hasty words, perhaps.
RAVEN: (to LILIN) Run along. (pats LILIN on the butt) Man talk.
LILIN: Pig. (EXITS LEFT)
RAVEN: (After LILIN EXITS) My dear gentlemen, though gentle might be inaccurate, may we commence tonight’s activities? There is land to break, might to show, information to gain; the world is our oyster to fucking shuck!
ANTSY: Raven Fellows, the crow-ell-er. His wings stretch through the night, and he’s off in flights of black feathers.
ASH: Will the world ever change?
RAVEN: Why would we want it to? (ASH pauses, shakes his head and follows ANTSY to EXIT RIGHT. LIGHTS DIM, SPOTLIGHT on RAVEN DOWN CENTER) …Why others don’t see what I see, I may wonder always. If perfection is not achieved through the plan, the flawed were obviously never meant to be perfected. But…they are still useful. They can be molded. They’re capable of much gross entertainment to amuse an almighty that doesn’t exist and the god that does. Love? I don’t give love. I don’t need a reason to hate them. Love is in the mind; chemicals in the brain meant to express a biological need to further the species. Love is as nonexistent as the father god… I will show them all, or they will know these painful facts as I have in as excruciating detail. I don’t need a cause to humiliate them. Mark. My. Words. (SPOTLIGHT lowers, LIGHTS RAISE as RAVEN EXITS RIGHT. Cue SOUND EFFECT #1 and an ORANGE GLOW at RIGHT EXIT with ANTSY and ASH rushing on stage from RIGHT EXIT to MIDDLE CENTER)
ASH: Flights of black wings indeed. I think the pusher is off to push into his busher.
ANTSY: (facing RIGHT) The sun sets and we don’t give light a moment’s rest, do we, Ash?
ASH: (to RIGHT) And what of it!?! Burn it all! Burn the oil even after midnight! Is there anything worth saving? (to ANTSY) Is there any value in the material, a love of an unloving dream?
ANTSY: (Pauses) Do you ever wonder, though....
ASH: Wonder, my dear Pix? Pix, Pix, Antsy Pix, never quits, and full of shits.
ANTSY: I see you’ve been taking poetry lessons from my mother again.
ASH: What is there to wonder?
ANTSY: Raven.
ASH: Are you jealous? I think he’s set on Lilin, the harpy-harp.
ANTSY: No, damn it. It’s his words. (ASH pauses, listening) …The doctrine of one Mister Fellows. It’s full of unanswerable questions and contradictions. It is as belief, though he would never call the plight of perfection a belief. It’s so easy to catch these devolutions of logic, astonishing and confounding, billed brainlessly by a bully.
ASH: Mighty big talk from a small minded man.
ANTSY: I care to see the narrow view already before us. In the end, we are all small in metal boxes or powder-filled vases.
ASH: (sighs) So, it is time again…
ANTSY: We are limited. We won’t be young forever.
ASH: (smiles, patting ANTSY on the back of the neck) This is what I love about you. You can talk yourself into anything, no matter the cost. And your reasoning for our debts today?
ANTSY: I grow tired of this. We wake. We rush to know everything we can. We burn oil or ground or sickly sticky sweets or buildings or mind and copulate, then sleep with wishes of pixie sticks and Twix bars dancing through our heads. Every day, we do this.
ASH: I, too, want more, Antsy. I promise if I find it before you, I will show you where it is.
ANTSY: Tonight, the world has burned its last.
ASH: (nods) Bedways is rightways now, so said Dim by Burgess.
ANTSY: (groans) Codpieces frighten me. What are they hiding under there..? (Both EXIT LEFT as the LIGHTS DIM. The CHORUS and LEADER ENTER RIGHT, taking their position at UPPER RIGHT.)
LEADER: (waves arm) Waning into stagnation, an edge grows dull; such is the way of young men.
CHORUS: (in unison) A way! A way! A horrible, lurid way!
LEADER: But there is hope. Picture it, a compass to any adventurer. Only hope can light the dark that prevails after the day has burned long past its due.
CHORUS: (in unison) Only Ash Lad’s hope can break the chains of his mental bondage.
LEADER: Others share his concern. What does the ending of listless dreams unto the dawn of hope bring?
CHORUS: (in unison) Ideals everlasting. (LIGHTS DIM. CHORUS and LEADER EXIT RIGHT. Cue MUSICAL INTERLUDE # 3 as LIGHTS RAISE. During the end of the music, LITTLE ST. MICHAEL rapidly ENTERS RIGHT, facing the RIGHT periodically. In a paranoid rush, he giggles and EXITS LEFT. PENELOPE ENTERS RIGHT as LITTLE ST. MICHAEL leaves. She is an older woman than RAVEN’s pack, but youthful for her age)
PENELOPE: Now, I know I just…saw…(scratches head) …Ow. My whiskey loves me. I should have loved the coffee too… (PENELOPE staggers out to DOWN CENTER in a daze. ASH ENTERS RIGHT in a stroll, peering back. He pauses as he notices PENELOPE, approaching slowly)
ASH: Am I awake and dreaming, or asleep and walking? Though… she seems the sleepwalker.
PENELOPE: (stage whisper) …pink…giggles…angel…
ASH: Me thinks she’s dreaming. (loudly) Hello!
PENELOPE: (startled) Ah!...Hi!
ASH: Beds are for sleeping in, streets are for… fun.
PENELOPE: I wasn’t sleeping… well, not yet.
ASH: And why aren't you bright eyed and bushy tailed this morning? (grins)
PENELOPE: Why are you?
ASH: Cute. (checks her over) Hmm. I don’t know you.
PENELOPE: There was a little.. and the laughing..
ASH: Excuse me?
PENELOPE: Oh! (slaps forehead, offers hand) I’m Penelope.
ASH: (shakes hand) Supple skin; skinny, weak wrists.
PENELOPE: I am not weak.
ASH: (smiles) Okay, let’s go with that.
PENELOPE: You’re very odd.
ASH: Oh?
PENELOPE: And not the usual sort. Are you from here?
ASH: I am, though I checked out long ago.
PENELOPE: It’s a shame…
ASH: Why?
PENELOPE: I could use a cup of coffee. (ASH smiles and nods as the lights dim. PENELOPE EXITS LEFT. ASH steps to DOWN RIGHT beyond the curtain as the CURTAINS CLOSE. SPOTLIGHT on ASH)
ASH: Raven doesn’t believe in love. Considering what we’ve seen, he has his reasons. A long time ago, in a land very different than ours, ruled and full of rules, coupling was akin to buying a new car. (CURTAINS RISE, SPLOTLIGHT DIMS, LIGHTS RAISE) First up, we have this sad sport. (TEMPLAR from the INTERVAL PROCESSION ENTERS LEFT. He walks to DOWN CENTER) A chivalrous ka-nig-get. Self-righteous and well-spoken, he tried to be virtuous. Oh, but wait, who’s this? (INDIAN-AMERICAN GIRL ENTERS LEFT, walking to DOWN CENTER) Ahh, a young girl. (TEMPLAR falls to knees and holds his hands out to INDIAN- AMERICAN GIRL) A profession of love? That’s sweet, or is it? (FEMME FATALE ENTERS LEFT in a sashay. TEMPLAR faces FEMME FATALE, gets off of knees, pushes INDIAN-AMERICAN GIRL away and wraps arms around FEMME FATALE) I guess he was male after all. Still, it’s not like the religious and corrupt are a huge scandal. But doesn’t he just seem like an asshole? Is this love? (ASH shakes head) No, no. Fine. (ASH waves to everyone else on stage) Shoo! (TEMPLAR, FEMME FATALE and INDIAN-AMERICAN GIRL EXIT RIGHT) The opposite side now? Sure. (SCARRED WOMAN ENTERS LEFT, standing CENTER LEFT) Okay, she’s sort of a fixer-upper. And the culprit? (OLDER ENGLISHMAN ENTERS LEFT) This guy! Fucking unbelievable. And this only makes her want him more …What a fucked up story. (OLDER ENGLISHMAN strolls to CENTER RIGHT. SCARRED WOMAN ogles OLDER ENGLISHMAN coyly as he pays her no attention) Look at him, he couldn’t give a shit! Now, I ask you, is this love? (ASH pauses) …Yes, it is, actually. (SCARRED WOMAN and OLDER ENGLISHMAN unite, arm in arm as they EXIT RIGHT) In a dream, in a story, reality set in, she was the man and he was the woman. And other success stories exist too. (YOUNG BRITISH MAN and AUBURN-HAIRED GIRL ENTER LEFT, arm-in-arm. They stroll out to EXIT RIGHT) When you blend a story with dream and lose sight of the illusion of the real, it all becomes identical. What is real? Do you write the story, knowing it will end? Do you dream the dream, knowing you will wake? Lovers might say, the trick is to never stop dreaming… It’s all terribly confusing, especially to Raven. (ASH pauses) But then I had one cup of coffee, one conversation, one moment, and I was as confused as Fellows. I never felt more alive. I was twitterpated. (LIGHTS DIM, ASH EXITS LEFT. Cue MUSICAL INTERLUDE # 4. LILIN ENTERS LEFT. She glances around stage, then overhead of AUDIENCE, walking to DOWN CENTER in concern. SPOTLIGHT on LILIN)
LILIN: Raven said to wait for him. (hugs elbows) He says lots of things. I wonder where the truth begins. What lies lie underneath? Before I met him, there wasn’t much peace either. If it seemed edgy, I was it. I tried to be fashionable. But, my largest fear was that I would grow old and die. (sighs) I tried to never let age get to me. Then his words, his eyes, he spoke and I only listened. He told me, our first anniversary that I would be the perfect woman. I’ll never tell him this, but… I was scared. I don’t know how to be perfect. Who does? I wonder if I’m a trophy to him; a pawn to move around a board, something flashy. Will I be replaced? Can the man that doesn’t believe in love ever learn to love me for me? (shakes head) It’s silly, huh? I’ll go back to a façade of being strong when I know strength is admitting any of this is true. I wish I could drop my guard around him. (SPOTLIGHT DIMS. LILIN moves to CENTER LEFT. LIGHTS RISE, followed by SOUND EFFECT of birds chirping in the morning. ANTSY, ASH and RAVEN ENTER RIGHT, chattering as friends do. The three mosey to DOWN CENTER. LILIN perks up as RAVEN approaches)
RAVEN: (to LILIN) My tulip!
ANTSY: Don’t let him fool you. He’s after all four lips.
LILIN: (to ANTSY) Pig. (ASH smiles)
ANTSY: (to ASH) You seem especially chipper today.
ASH: My dear Pix, I have met a girl.
RAVEN: A girl?
ASH: Well, a woman. And she is all woman.
ANTSY: He’s bluffing.
LILIN: You’re jealous.
ANTSY: So?
ASH: She’s meeting me today.
RAVEN: We should meet this figment then?
ASH: (back to LEFT) Ah, here comes the Maiden Wills. (PENELOPE ENTERS LEFT)
PENELOPE: You didn’t happen to see a pipe-cleaner halo anywhere around here, did you?
ASH: Antsy Pix, Raven Fellows, Lilin Agrat, I present to you my strawberry fields, the source of my infectious affection, Miss Penelope Wills; wise as she is beautiful and twice as smart.
PENELOPE: (to ASH) You are adorable.
RAVEN: He’s a liar.
ASH: (scowl at RAVEN) …What?
RAVEN: Are you really taken in by this woman, Ash? She’s old. Well, older. What do we know about her?
ANTSY: Besides that she makes him happy?
ASH: (to ANTSY) Thank you.
ANTSY: You’d do the same for me.
RAVEN: (to ASH) And after she’s gone, you’ll only have us.
ASH: And if she’s never gone?
RAVEN: You would choose her over us?
ASH: I would choose to be happy.
ANTSY: I’d prefer that.
RAVEN: She’s …not perfect.
ASH: None of us are, nor were we ever meant to be. (faces LILIN then ANTSY)
RAVEN: Love is a myth, a dream, a lie.
ASH: Then I am gladly gullible and choose to never wake up and live happily in Valhalla because I have died in my battles and now find calm.
RAVEN: That is it! Leave! Take your whore with you!
ASH: You dare call her a whore? (slaps RAVEN hard) And what if I love her? What if I found something that disagrees with you? Your logic, you are no god. This is no religion. I choose to live without your dogma. You are abusive. I’ve lived too long under your manner darkly. (ASH narrows his hand into a claw and touches RAVEN’s chest) And with these words, I tear your still heart from your breast and show you that if it still beats for any you call brother or for the woman who is hopelessly in love with you, it’s because I am still beating it. (In shock and disbelief, RAVEN and LILIN move to EXIT RIGHT. ANTSY pauses, offering his hand to ASH)
ANTSY: I suppose you found it before I did. I now know what I need. (ASH chuckles, shaking ANTSY’s hand, pulling him over to embrace. ANTSY nods as he EXITS RIGHT)
PENELOPE: That was… dramatic.
ASH: Revolutions often are.
PENELOPE: (takes ASH’s hand) And now?
ASH: I haven’t planned that yet. (They move to UPPER LEFT, under the sheer pastel curtain)
PENELOPE: I’m sorry but… I think I love you.
ASH: I know. I love you too. (They kiss, and the curtain swirls around the two of them as the LIGHTS DIM. ASH and PENELOPE move to EXIT LEFT. The CHORUS and LEADER ENTER RIGHT and post at UPPER RIGHT. LIGHTS RAISE)
LEADER: Love is confusing. It’s a rollercoaster of ups and downs, a trembling ground where one hopes the blood and sweat equate the tears of joy. Maybe Ash and Penelope’s story is confusing to some. But to the lovers? (LITTLE ST. MICHAEL ENTERS LEFT, moving to DOWN CENTER)
LITTLE ST. MICHAEL: Just wait until I’m born!
PENELOPE: (off-stage) Come along, you silly boy. Your father and I are waiting!
CHORUS: (in unison) The lovers know to never wake up. (LIGHTS DOWN, cue CURTAIN CALL MUSIC, LIGHTS UP, CURTAIN CALL, CURTAIN)
PROPERTIES
ON STAGE:
Sheer Pastel Curtain (preferably pink, UPPER LEFT)
Orange Light (RIGHT EXIT)
Sound System (P.A., hidden speakers, ect., NOT MANDIATORY)
SUGGESTED SOUND:
Pink Floyd - Goodbye Blue Sky (MUSICAL INTERLUDE #1)
Yakety Sax - 0:00 - 0:20 (MUSICAL INTERLUDE #2)
Pink Floyd - Time - 0:00 - 1:10 (MUSICAL INTERLUDE #3)
Sentenced - Mourn - 0:00 - 2:03 (MUSICAL INTERLUDE #4)
Sentenced - You are the One (CURTAIN CALL MUSIC)
SFX #1 - Wood popping as it’s burned
SFX #2 - Morning birds chirping or a rooster crowing
*All sound is suggested. Substitutions or removal of sound also possible
COSTUMES:
No special costumes are needed outside of the Chorus, Templar and Michael. Ash should be dressed in bright, clashing colors, mismatching if possible. Lilin and Femme Fatale should be dressed provocatively. Antsy and the Older Englishman should be dressed conservatively. Raven Fellows should be primped and dressed fashionably. Penelope should have a sort of retro look. The chorus and leader should all be wearing masks with the leader being marked by a Domo baseball cap if possible. These are all suggestions, meant to evoke the mood; it is all open to substitutions and interpretation.
APPENDIX
ASH LAD: Askeladden, a Norwegian folklore spirit of fate for those who always get the short end of the stick. Askeladden is said to always win the kingdoms and women of the doomed.
RAVEN FELLOWS: Fellow of raven. The raven is a Native American trickster spiritual archetype. Ravens in myth were known to talk others into doing their bidding or perverting and corrupting the weak willed.
LILIN AGRAT: Lilin and Agrat Bat Mahlat are two of the only named succubi in the Kabbalah; seductress demons who steal the souls of men. It has been argued in feminism that the succubi myth was meant to oppress women by encouraging distrust.
ANTSY PIX: Anti-Pix were a brand name of rose-colored goggles placed over the eyes of chickens to hinder vision and dissuade fighting between farm hens. Rosy goggles represent a static, stable idealism of the character in the play.
PENELOPE WILLS: The will of Penelope. Penelope is a queen from Homer’s Odyssey, faithful and unobtainable by anyone but her destined lover.
LITTLE ST. MICHAEL: Pure potential from a passion as hot as a sword of flame itself. Savior, destroyer, and hope.
ASH LAD: A perplexed young man, entangled in the world around him
RAVEN FELLOWS: Ash’s misguided guiding light, a leader of the pack
LILIN AGRAT: Fellows’ girlfriend and consort
ANTSY PIX: One of the pack and Ash’s best friend
PENELOPE WILLS: A beautiful, older woman
LITTLE ST. MICHAEL: A lost, mischievous little angel with a pipe-cleaner halo and small white wings strapped to his back, unsure of his surroundings
INTERVAL PROCESSION: A parade of people: a Templar Crusader, a modern Indian-American woman, a fiery redhead femme fatale, an English gentleman, a woman covered in scars, a young British man with darker features, and a young girl with auburn hair and glasses
PLACE: The stage, which represents the experiences and how they’re remembered or thought upon
TIME: 2006
ELDRID UNNE
SETTING: The bare stage. UP RIGHT is the place usually reserved for the CHORUS. UP LEFT are some very sheer, light, pastel fabrics as a curtain. DOWN CENTER is possibly a ground marker for monologues. Everything else is bare.
BEFORE CURTAIN: The CHORUS is standing UP RIGHT, their reserved place where they shall be the only action. Each member wears a facial-obscuring mask. Their LEADER is conspicuously pointed out by a baseball cap as he stands to the center of the group. Most other features about the CHORUS are interchangeable and indistinguishing.
(CURTAINS PART to reveal only the chorus. The LIGHTS RISE with the leader standing out from the bunch, addressing the audience over the moans and chanting of the CHORUS)
CHORUS: (In unison) Days, days! Years and months! Life! Half a decade of War! Half a decade of love!
LEADER: Carpe Diem!
CHORUS: (in unison) May Douglas Adams, Jimi Hendrix, and Artaud hear of the day that a lad insane…
LEADER: Ash Lad.
CHORUS: (in unison) A lad impassioned broke down his emotional walls!
LEADER: May his story be sung in glory on high that all inspiration rain down upon thee.
CHORUS: (in unison) Oh! Muses, hear his story!
LEADER: A country torn at war!
CHORUS: (in unison) Thousands dead! Behold, your daddy, your daddy!
LEADER: In turbulent times, a lad ventures. Half a decade after the turn of the millennia, a boy-turned-man wonders what it means to be a man. He holds onto a child’s mind in vain.
CHORUS: (in unison) Behold, your daddy, your daddy!
LEADER: His journey is confusing, to him, most of all. May all who have had doubts and wonder if their eyes lay down to a path see his trouble.
CHORUS: (in unison) Behold, your daddy, your daddy!
LEADER: Beyond the realms of imagination is a pack lead by the crow-ell-er, Raven Fellows, who forces a steep vision upon those around him. What is a lad confused to do? (Cue MUSICAL INTERLUDE #1. The LIGHTS flash RED then DIM, leaving LIGHTS on the LEADER (or SPOTLIGHT.) The CHORUS EXITS RIGHT, passing LITTLE ST. MICHAEL ENTERING RIGHT. LITTLE ST. MICHAEL walks up to the LEADER and tugs on his clothing. The LEADER leans down, shaking his head) No, I don’t know which direction Shea Stadium is. (LITTLE ST. MICHAEL kicks the LEADER in the knee and runs to EXIT RIGHT. The LEADER follows, shaking a fist. Cue MUSICAL INTERLUDE #2, LIGHTS RISE, ASH LAD, ANTSY PIX, RAVEN FELLOWS and LILIN AGRAT ENTERING LEFT. They move to DOWN CENTER throughout the dialogue)
RAVEN: A glorious day, huh, Ash?
ASH: Day, night, it’s the same, it’s all time
ANTSY PIX: The glass is half empty, wrong ways make wake ways for that one (jerks a thumb at ASH)
RAVEN: He is a dreamer, Antsy; dreamers often drift on clouds, finding themselves waking up on hard box springs. (LILIN laughs)
ASH: And what of it? Could I find some peace from waking? Is hell a place we are damned to after life or a life we are damned to live?
LILIN: Hell is a figment, much like dreams.
ASH: Dreams are real… as real as you or I. (faces others, never turns back on audience) …Emotion is what makes us human. Dreams are what fuel emotion. And love?
RAVEN: A lie. The obfuscation of lust, companionship, and need.
ASH: (to ANTSY) And you call me the pessimist.
ANTSY: Hasty words, perhaps.
RAVEN: (to LILIN) Run along. (pats LILIN on the butt) Man talk.
LILIN: Pig. (EXITS LEFT)
RAVEN: (After LILIN EXITS) My dear gentlemen, though gentle might be inaccurate, may we commence tonight’s activities? There is land to break, might to show, information to gain; the world is our oyster to fucking shuck!
ANTSY: Raven Fellows, the crow-ell-er. His wings stretch through the night, and he’s off in flights of black feathers.
ASH: Will the world ever change?
RAVEN: Why would we want it to? (ASH pauses, shakes his head and follows ANTSY to EXIT RIGHT. LIGHTS DIM, SPOTLIGHT on RAVEN DOWN CENTER) …Why others don’t see what I see, I may wonder always. If perfection is not achieved through the plan, the flawed were obviously never meant to be perfected. But…they are still useful. They can be molded. They’re capable of much gross entertainment to amuse an almighty that doesn’t exist and the god that does. Love? I don’t give love. I don’t need a reason to hate them. Love is in the mind; chemicals in the brain meant to express a biological need to further the species. Love is as nonexistent as the father god… I will show them all, or they will know these painful facts as I have in as excruciating detail. I don’t need a cause to humiliate them. Mark. My. Words. (SPOTLIGHT lowers, LIGHTS RAISE as RAVEN EXITS RIGHT. Cue SOUND EFFECT #1 and an ORANGE GLOW at RIGHT EXIT with ANTSY and ASH rushing on stage from RIGHT EXIT to MIDDLE CENTER)
ASH: Flights of black wings indeed. I think the pusher is off to push into his busher.
ANTSY: (facing RIGHT) The sun sets and we don’t give light a moment’s rest, do we, Ash?
ASH: (to RIGHT) And what of it!?! Burn it all! Burn the oil even after midnight! Is there anything worth saving? (to ANTSY) Is there any value in the material, a love of an unloving dream?
ANTSY: (Pauses) Do you ever wonder, though....
ASH: Wonder, my dear Pix? Pix, Pix, Antsy Pix, never quits, and full of shits.
ANTSY: I see you’ve been taking poetry lessons from my mother again.
ASH: What is there to wonder?
ANTSY: Raven.
ASH: Are you jealous? I think he’s set on Lilin, the harpy-harp.
ANTSY: No, damn it. It’s his words. (ASH pauses, listening) …The doctrine of one Mister Fellows. It’s full of unanswerable questions and contradictions. It is as belief, though he would never call the plight of perfection a belief. It’s so easy to catch these devolutions of logic, astonishing and confounding, billed brainlessly by a bully.
ASH: Mighty big talk from a small minded man.
ANTSY: I care to see the narrow view already before us. In the end, we are all small in metal boxes or powder-filled vases.
ASH: (sighs) So, it is time again…
ANTSY: We are limited. We won’t be young forever.
ASH: (smiles, patting ANTSY on the back of the neck) This is what I love about you. You can talk yourself into anything, no matter the cost. And your reasoning for our debts today?
ANTSY: I grow tired of this. We wake. We rush to know everything we can. We burn oil or ground or sickly sticky sweets or buildings or mind and copulate, then sleep with wishes of pixie sticks and Twix bars dancing through our heads. Every day, we do this.
ASH: I, too, want more, Antsy. I promise if I find it before you, I will show you where it is.
ANTSY: Tonight, the world has burned its last.
ASH: (nods) Bedways is rightways now, so said Dim by Burgess.
ANTSY: (groans) Codpieces frighten me. What are they hiding under there..? (Both EXIT LEFT as the LIGHTS DIM. The CHORUS and LEADER ENTER RIGHT, taking their position at UPPER RIGHT.)
LEADER: (waves arm) Waning into stagnation, an edge grows dull; such is the way of young men.
CHORUS: (in unison) A way! A way! A horrible, lurid way!
LEADER: But there is hope. Picture it, a compass to any adventurer. Only hope can light the dark that prevails after the day has burned long past its due.
CHORUS: (in unison) Only Ash Lad’s hope can break the chains of his mental bondage.
LEADER: Others share his concern. What does the ending of listless dreams unto the dawn of hope bring?
CHORUS: (in unison) Ideals everlasting. (LIGHTS DIM. CHORUS and LEADER EXIT RIGHT. Cue MUSICAL INTERLUDE # 3 as LIGHTS RAISE. During the end of the music, LITTLE ST. MICHAEL rapidly ENTERS RIGHT, facing the RIGHT periodically. In a paranoid rush, he giggles and EXITS LEFT. PENELOPE ENTERS RIGHT as LITTLE ST. MICHAEL leaves. She is an older woman than RAVEN’s pack, but youthful for her age)
PENELOPE: Now, I know I just…saw…(scratches head) …Ow. My whiskey loves me. I should have loved the coffee too… (PENELOPE staggers out to DOWN CENTER in a daze. ASH ENTERS RIGHT in a stroll, peering back. He pauses as he notices PENELOPE, approaching slowly)
ASH: Am I awake and dreaming, or asleep and walking? Though… she seems the sleepwalker.
PENELOPE: (stage whisper) …pink…giggles…angel…
ASH: Me thinks she’s dreaming. (loudly) Hello!
PENELOPE: (startled) Ah!...Hi!
ASH: Beds are for sleeping in, streets are for… fun.
PENELOPE: I wasn’t sleeping… well, not yet.
ASH: And why aren't you bright eyed and bushy tailed this morning? (grins)
PENELOPE: Why are you?
ASH: Cute. (checks her over) Hmm. I don’t know you.
PENELOPE: There was a little.. and the laughing..
ASH: Excuse me?
PENELOPE: Oh! (slaps forehead, offers hand) I’m Penelope.
ASH: (shakes hand) Supple skin; skinny, weak wrists.
PENELOPE: I am not weak.
ASH: (smiles) Okay, let’s go with that.
PENELOPE: You’re very odd.
ASH: Oh?
PENELOPE: And not the usual sort. Are you from here?
ASH: I am, though I checked out long ago.
PENELOPE: It’s a shame…
ASH: Why?
PENELOPE: I could use a cup of coffee. (ASH smiles and nods as the lights dim. PENELOPE EXITS LEFT. ASH steps to DOWN RIGHT beyond the curtain as the CURTAINS CLOSE. SPOTLIGHT on ASH)
ASH: Raven doesn’t believe in love. Considering what we’ve seen, he has his reasons. A long time ago, in a land very different than ours, ruled and full of rules, coupling was akin to buying a new car. (CURTAINS RISE, SPLOTLIGHT DIMS, LIGHTS RAISE) First up, we have this sad sport. (TEMPLAR from the INTERVAL PROCESSION ENTERS LEFT. He walks to DOWN CENTER) A chivalrous ka-nig-get. Self-righteous and well-spoken, he tried to be virtuous. Oh, but wait, who’s this? (INDIAN-AMERICAN GIRL ENTERS LEFT, walking to DOWN CENTER) Ahh, a young girl. (TEMPLAR falls to knees and holds his hands out to INDIAN- AMERICAN GIRL) A profession of love? That’s sweet, or is it? (FEMME FATALE ENTERS LEFT in a sashay. TEMPLAR faces FEMME FATALE, gets off of knees, pushes INDIAN-AMERICAN GIRL away and wraps arms around FEMME FATALE) I guess he was male after all. Still, it’s not like the religious and corrupt are a huge scandal. But doesn’t he just seem like an asshole? Is this love? (ASH shakes head) No, no. Fine. (ASH waves to everyone else on stage) Shoo! (TEMPLAR, FEMME FATALE and INDIAN-AMERICAN GIRL EXIT RIGHT) The opposite side now? Sure. (SCARRED WOMAN ENTERS LEFT, standing CENTER LEFT) Okay, she’s sort of a fixer-upper. And the culprit? (OLDER ENGLISHMAN ENTERS LEFT) This guy! Fucking unbelievable. And this only makes her want him more …What a fucked up story. (OLDER ENGLISHMAN strolls to CENTER RIGHT. SCARRED WOMAN ogles OLDER ENGLISHMAN coyly as he pays her no attention) Look at him, he couldn’t give a shit! Now, I ask you, is this love? (ASH pauses) …Yes, it is, actually. (SCARRED WOMAN and OLDER ENGLISHMAN unite, arm in arm as they EXIT RIGHT) In a dream, in a story, reality set in, she was the man and he was the woman. And other success stories exist too. (YOUNG BRITISH MAN and AUBURN-HAIRED GIRL ENTER LEFT, arm-in-arm. They stroll out to EXIT RIGHT) When you blend a story with dream and lose sight of the illusion of the real, it all becomes identical. What is real? Do you write the story, knowing it will end? Do you dream the dream, knowing you will wake? Lovers might say, the trick is to never stop dreaming… It’s all terribly confusing, especially to Raven. (ASH pauses) But then I had one cup of coffee, one conversation, one moment, and I was as confused as Fellows. I never felt more alive. I was twitterpated. (LIGHTS DIM, ASH EXITS LEFT. Cue MUSICAL INTERLUDE # 4. LILIN ENTERS LEFT. She glances around stage, then overhead of AUDIENCE, walking to DOWN CENTER in concern. SPOTLIGHT on LILIN)
LILIN: Raven said to wait for him. (hugs elbows) He says lots of things. I wonder where the truth begins. What lies lie underneath? Before I met him, there wasn’t much peace either. If it seemed edgy, I was it. I tried to be fashionable. But, my largest fear was that I would grow old and die. (sighs) I tried to never let age get to me. Then his words, his eyes, he spoke and I only listened. He told me, our first anniversary that I would be the perfect woman. I’ll never tell him this, but… I was scared. I don’t know how to be perfect. Who does? I wonder if I’m a trophy to him; a pawn to move around a board, something flashy. Will I be replaced? Can the man that doesn’t believe in love ever learn to love me for me? (shakes head) It’s silly, huh? I’ll go back to a façade of being strong when I know strength is admitting any of this is true. I wish I could drop my guard around him. (SPOTLIGHT DIMS. LILIN moves to CENTER LEFT. LIGHTS RISE, followed by SOUND EFFECT of birds chirping in the morning. ANTSY, ASH and RAVEN ENTER RIGHT, chattering as friends do. The three mosey to DOWN CENTER. LILIN perks up as RAVEN approaches)
RAVEN: (to LILIN) My tulip!
ANTSY: Don’t let him fool you. He’s after all four lips.
LILIN: (to ANTSY) Pig. (ASH smiles)
ANTSY: (to ASH) You seem especially chipper today.
ASH: My dear Pix, I have met a girl.
RAVEN: A girl?
ASH: Well, a woman. And she is all woman.
ANTSY: He’s bluffing.
LILIN: You’re jealous.
ANTSY: So?
ASH: She’s meeting me today.
RAVEN: We should meet this figment then?
ASH: (back to LEFT) Ah, here comes the Maiden Wills. (PENELOPE ENTERS LEFT)
PENELOPE: You didn’t happen to see a pipe-cleaner halo anywhere around here, did you?
ASH: Antsy Pix, Raven Fellows, Lilin Agrat, I present to you my strawberry fields, the source of my infectious affection, Miss Penelope Wills; wise as she is beautiful and twice as smart.
PENELOPE: (to ASH) You are adorable.
RAVEN: He’s a liar.
ASH: (scowl at RAVEN) …What?
RAVEN: Are you really taken in by this woman, Ash? She’s old. Well, older. What do we know about her?
ANTSY: Besides that she makes him happy?
ASH: (to ANTSY) Thank you.
ANTSY: You’d do the same for me.
RAVEN: (to ASH) And after she’s gone, you’ll only have us.
ASH: And if she’s never gone?
RAVEN: You would choose her over us?
ASH: I would choose to be happy.
ANTSY: I’d prefer that.
RAVEN: She’s …not perfect.
ASH: None of us are, nor were we ever meant to be. (faces LILIN then ANTSY)
RAVEN: Love is a myth, a dream, a lie.
ASH: Then I am gladly gullible and choose to never wake up and live happily in Valhalla because I have died in my battles and now find calm.
RAVEN: That is it! Leave! Take your whore with you!
ASH: You dare call her a whore? (slaps RAVEN hard) And what if I love her? What if I found something that disagrees with you? Your logic, you are no god. This is no religion. I choose to live without your dogma. You are abusive. I’ve lived too long under your manner darkly. (ASH narrows his hand into a claw and touches RAVEN’s chest) And with these words, I tear your still heart from your breast and show you that if it still beats for any you call brother or for the woman who is hopelessly in love with you, it’s because I am still beating it. (In shock and disbelief, RAVEN and LILIN move to EXIT RIGHT. ANTSY pauses, offering his hand to ASH)
ANTSY: I suppose you found it before I did. I now know what I need. (ASH chuckles, shaking ANTSY’s hand, pulling him over to embrace. ANTSY nods as he EXITS RIGHT)
PENELOPE: That was… dramatic.
ASH: Revolutions often are.
PENELOPE: (takes ASH’s hand) And now?
ASH: I haven’t planned that yet. (They move to UPPER LEFT, under the sheer pastel curtain)
PENELOPE: I’m sorry but… I think I love you.
ASH: I know. I love you too. (They kiss, and the curtain swirls around the two of them as the LIGHTS DIM. ASH and PENELOPE move to EXIT LEFT. The CHORUS and LEADER ENTER RIGHT and post at UPPER RIGHT. LIGHTS RAISE)
LEADER: Love is confusing. It’s a rollercoaster of ups and downs, a trembling ground where one hopes the blood and sweat equate the tears of joy. Maybe Ash and Penelope’s story is confusing to some. But to the lovers? (LITTLE ST. MICHAEL ENTERS LEFT, moving to DOWN CENTER)
LITTLE ST. MICHAEL: Just wait until I’m born!
PENELOPE: (off-stage) Come along, you silly boy. Your father and I are waiting!
CHORUS: (in unison) The lovers know to never wake up. (LIGHTS DOWN, cue CURTAIN CALL MUSIC, LIGHTS UP, CURTAIN CALL, CURTAIN)
PROPERTIES
ON STAGE:
Sheer Pastel Curtain (preferably pink, UPPER LEFT)
Orange Light (RIGHT EXIT)
Sound System (P.A., hidden speakers, ect., NOT MANDIATORY)
SUGGESTED SOUND:
Pink Floyd - Goodbye Blue Sky (MUSICAL INTERLUDE #1)
Yakety Sax - 0:00 - 0:20 (MUSICAL INTERLUDE #2)
Pink Floyd - Time - 0:00 - 1:10 (MUSICAL INTERLUDE #3)
Sentenced - Mourn - 0:00 - 2:03 (MUSICAL INTERLUDE #4)
Sentenced - You are the One (CURTAIN CALL MUSIC)
SFX #1 - Wood popping as it’s burned
SFX #2 - Morning birds chirping or a rooster crowing
*All sound is suggested. Substitutions or removal of sound also possible
COSTUMES:
No special costumes are needed outside of the Chorus, Templar and Michael. Ash should be dressed in bright, clashing colors, mismatching if possible. Lilin and Femme Fatale should be dressed provocatively. Antsy and the Older Englishman should be dressed conservatively. Raven Fellows should be primped and dressed fashionably. Penelope should have a sort of retro look. The chorus and leader should all be wearing masks with the leader being marked by a Domo baseball cap if possible. These are all suggestions, meant to evoke the mood; it is all open to substitutions and interpretation.
APPENDIX
ASH LAD: Askeladden, a Norwegian folklore spirit of fate for those who always get the short end of the stick. Askeladden is said to always win the kingdoms and women of the doomed.
RAVEN FELLOWS: Fellow of raven. The raven is a Native American trickster spiritual archetype. Ravens in myth were known to talk others into doing their bidding or perverting and corrupting the weak willed.
LILIN AGRAT: Lilin and Agrat Bat Mahlat are two of the only named succubi in the Kabbalah; seductress demons who steal the souls of men. It has been argued in feminism that the succubi myth was meant to oppress women by encouraging distrust.
ANTSY PIX: Anti-Pix were a brand name of rose-colored goggles placed over the eyes of chickens to hinder vision and dissuade fighting between farm hens. Rosy goggles represent a static, stable idealism of the character in the play.
PENELOPE WILLS: The will of Penelope. Penelope is a queen from Homer’s Odyssey, faithful and unobtainable by anyone but her destined lover.
LITTLE ST. MICHAEL: Pure potential from a passion as hot as a sword of flame itself. Savior, destroyer, and hope.