what the fuckkkkkkkkkkkkk...important!!!!!!
i have just waged war. a war of huge proportions. this is what i battled...
that fucker was in my apartment. he was about 8 inches long and weighed about 3 pounds. he was hopping around from wall to wall. just as i was about to sleep i heard thunderous chirping. it shook me out of bed. i got up and shut the door thinking it would go away. it didn't. i opened up my door again just to see if it would get louder and it did. i turned on the lights hoping to scare whatever it was away and it stopped chirping. so i went to investigate. as i walked into my living room there was that fucker sitting on my wall like the asshole he is. he was fucking around with me. and if you know me well enough you know i'm scared shitless of any bugs. this was like a test. so first thing's first...i don't want to get anywhere near him. so i go to my room and grab a gq magazine, a thick one, and hurl it across the room. it brushes the big guy and he starts flapping around like a little bitch. but he's still on the wall. so i grab my japanese binder from last year. it's got a good weight to it. i hurl that across the room. i finally get him on the ground. so i'm like shit, i need something long to hit him with cuz i'm definitely not getting close enough to him to hit him with a shoe. so i grab a 3 foot long wooden dowel rod sitting in my room that i just happened to have handy. and i start wacking away at this bitch. like, over the head dual handed wacking. he just keeps jumping around like a bitch. so he lands on top of some paper from my japanese binder. an idea pops into my head. get him under the paper. so i start pushing at him and he just keeps walking around on the paper. finally i get him under the paper. and i start wailing away with my dowel rod on the top of the paper. just hitting the shit out of this paper. like 7 or 8 good solid hits to the paper. i then peek under the paper and he's kind of twitching when my conscious kicks in and i start feeling bad for what i've done to him. but i need my sleep, not his chirping. so he's kind of laying there twitching so i replace the paper and come at him with a shoe. two good hits with the shoe and his legs fall off and he dies. i hate bugs. this is big news for me. call me a murderer, i don't care. this thing would have eaten a small child if i hadn't intervened. fuck that bitch. and now there's a fly in my room fucking with me too and i want to sleep and not eat a fly tonight. fuck that. i hate ann arbor.
that fucker was in my apartment. he was about 8 inches long and weighed about 3 pounds. he was hopping around from wall to wall. just as i was about to sleep i heard thunderous chirping. it shook me out of bed. i got up and shut the door thinking it would go away. it didn't. i opened up my door again just to see if it would get louder and it did. i turned on the lights hoping to scare whatever it was away and it stopped chirping. so i went to investigate. as i walked into my living room there was that fucker sitting on my wall like the asshole he is. he was fucking around with me. and if you know me well enough you know i'm scared shitless of any bugs. this was like a test. so first thing's first...i don't want to get anywhere near him. so i go to my room and grab a gq magazine, a thick one, and hurl it across the room. it brushes the big guy and he starts flapping around like a little bitch. but he's still on the wall. so i grab my japanese binder from last year. it's got a good weight to it. i hurl that across the room. i finally get him on the ground. so i'm like shit, i need something long to hit him with cuz i'm definitely not getting close enough to him to hit him with a shoe. so i grab a 3 foot long wooden dowel rod sitting in my room that i just happened to have handy. and i start wacking away at this bitch. like, over the head dual handed wacking. he just keeps jumping around like a bitch. so he lands on top of some paper from my japanese binder. an idea pops into my head. get him under the paper. so i start pushing at him and he just keeps walking around on the paper. finally i get him under the paper. and i start wailing away with my dowel rod on the top of the paper. just hitting the shit out of this paper. like 7 or 8 good solid hits to the paper. i then peek under the paper and he's kind of twitching when my conscious kicks in and i start feeling bad for what i've done to him. but i need my sleep, not his chirping. so he's kind of laying there twitching so i replace the paper and come at him with a shoe. two good hits with the shoe and his legs fall off and he dies. i hate bugs. this is big news for me. call me a murderer, i don't care. this thing would have eaten a small child if i hadn't intervened. fuck that bitch. and now there's a fly in my room fucking with me too and i want to sleep and not eat a fly tonight. fuck that. i hate ann arbor.