(no subject)
i feel like such the bad ex b.f/friend..ive came to where when i glance at the old pix of carol and i, that seems like i dont even know her no more..seems like a total stanger. wev'e seen apart awhile..and at the begining we became really close friends..i dont know what was but just stoped. i feel like barely know her..i dont go see her..i dont call her..i dont try talk to her. she seems like she really wants to work out a friendship, but dumbass me is backing down. hearing rumors, i dont know why the hell i believe it right off hand. i dont even care really. im lossen someone very speacial and dear to me..and i seme like i dont care. i was laying down in bed staring at our pix and something hit me of how i feel like i dont even know her no more. starting to miss her friend wise. i cant recall last time i saw her. hoping to get down there this weekend if and when she is home. its 3:00, i do feel like calling up there and spilling out my guts of how sorry i am of how i been. i think ive been that way alot to everyone. i been a bitch lately, guess from all the presure im under at home. i feel sick, litarly and sick of my actions. theres many people: carol,samantha,jospeh,jessie,sammy,ect..i sometimes seem like a bitch or seem 'odd' and ive started to notice..when everyone left me cause way i am, cause my looks or my actions, so on..those are the people that stuck their with me. they are ones i called on the phone or talked to online and told me i was going to get through this or that. i think it was a total lie when i said only people i have in martinsville is my mom and brother. i didnt see till now, now it hit me that carol, jospeh and samantha are there for me. its wired..i dont seem like a very interesting or loving guy..but ill stop talking to this person or that person for bout a week and get a call that they miss me, they wanna see me or hang on, a i love u has never fazed me. i feel like such a heartless basturd right now for this. well im deciden to take my thursday to call up few people and let them know..ima try see jospeh next week and carol this week and spend a whole day with samantha while she is here.
**anyway, im not sure what to do right now bout these "friend only view" i was thinking og making my journal friends only bout its doutful..and so i put the personal or dumb founded ones in friends only..so not everyone will laugh at it. ^.^ anyway, my life? ive been living the week of a lil insomnia boi, going to sleep around 4:00 or so as the early brids wake up to annoy the fuck out lil me. god, i hear them now..and i see what my brother is talkign bout..poor him he must sleep listen to them every night just about..i cant sleep with out noise so i leave my music on or tv on what not...somthing loud and ..bleh. anyway yes! a short entry cause im dead ass sleepy ima go lay down nite my lil lj friend zes
**anyway, im not sure what to do right now bout these "friend only view" i was thinking og making my journal friends only bout its doutful..and so i put the personal or dumb founded ones in friends only..so not everyone will laugh at it. ^.^ anyway, my life? ive been living the week of a lil insomnia boi, going to sleep around 4:00 or so as the early brids wake up to annoy the fuck out lil me. god, i hear them now..and i see what my brother is talkign bout..poor him he must sleep listen to them every night just about..i cant sleep with out noise so i leave my music on or tv on what not...somthing loud and ..bleh. anyway yes! a short entry cause im dead ass sleepy ima go lay down nite my lil lj friend zes