(no subject)
this entire day, i have felt like i need to cry. during the ACT this morning (oh god...the science portion...) when i was writing my essay, the prompt was amazing actually, it was about theatre, and i was writing about the theatre program at groves and forensics and such, and i honestly felt like i was going to cry. i didn't thankfully, but aside from my stuttering paper (where i actually did cry while writing it), i have never felt like that. it made me realize how much the theatre and forensics programs mean to me.
then just now i felt like i needed to cry because i am missing my brother so much it hurts. the house feels so empty...i see him in 25 days. so, yeah, i just want to cry. you know when you need to sneeze, and it won't come, and after wards you feel like you're still waiting for it...and waiting...and you just feel so uncomfortable? that's how it is with crying right now. plus, it's raining outside, and the urge to cry is only intensified by rain. that's my scientific decision.
anyway, today i played piano for over an hour and i am so happy that i did. i don't want to ever forget about it, and i haven't had time to just sit and play for hours and hours. i missed it. i REALLY want to curl up and read the 6th HP, just because it is the only HP book that i haven't reread. i feel like i can't do that though...i started emma, and i need to finish it to feel like a good person.
my sister broke up with her boyfriend...her boyfriend who wanted to move to chicago to be with her. i don't know what genes my sister got that i didn't get. she had a 10 freaking year long relationship with this amazing guy who wanted to marry her...then she breaks his heart. and now she just ended a 2 year relationship with this guy who was willing to pick up and move, just for her? well, maybe my time will come. after all...she didn't exactly have the normal high school dating scene experience...she didn't date anyone till senior year, and even then, it was her freaking swim coach who ends up being the guy she dates for 10 years. so, my time will come. maybe i'll date my swim coach...scandal scandal.
ok...this is important. i need feedback. am i really intimidating? i have had 3 guys tell me that i am. is it the height? am i scary? am i mean? please, i need information. why are people intimidated by me.
i have oh so many things to say, but unfortunately they cannot be said on lj.
i'll leave you with this:
You must know... surely, you must know it was all for you. I believe you spoke with my aunt last night, and it has taught me to hope as I'd scarcely allowed myself before. If your feelings are still what they were last April, tell me so at once. My affections and wishes have not changed, but one word from you will silence me forever. If, however, your feelings have changed, I will have to tell you: you have bewitched me, body and soul, and I love, I love, I love you. I never wish to be parted from you from this day on.
oh, mr. darcy. why don't you exist? (i watch pride and prejudice far too often)
love love love,
clare.
then just now i felt like i needed to cry because i am missing my brother so much it hurts. the house feels so empty...i see him in 25 days. so, yeah, i just want to cry. you know when you need to sneeze, and it won't come, and after wards you feel like you're still waiting for it...and waiting...and you just feel so uncomfortable? that's how it is with crying right now. plus, it's raining outside, and the urge to cry is only intensified by rain. that's my scientific decision.
anyway, today i played piano for over an hour and i am so happy that i did. i don't want to ever forget about it, and i haven't had time to just sit and play for hours and hours. i missed it. i REALLY want to curl up and read the 6th HP, just because it is the only HP book that i haven't reread. i feel like i can't do that though...i started emma, and i need to finish it to feel like a good person.
my sister broke up with her boyfriend...her boyfriend who wanted to move to chicago to be with her. i don't know what genes my sister got that i didn't get. she had a 10 freaking year long relationship with this amazing guy who wanted to marry her...then she breaks his heart. and now she just ended a 2 year relationship with this guy who was willing to pick up and move, just for her? well, maybe my time will come. after all...she didn't exactly have the normal high school dating scene experience...she didn't date anyone till senior year, and even then, it was her freaking swim coach who ends up being the guy she dates for 10 years. so, my time will come. maybe i'll date my swim coach...scandal scandal.
ok...this is important. i need feedback. am i really intimidating? i have had 3 guys tell me that i am. is it the height? am i scary? am i mean? please, i need information. why are people intimidated by me.
i have oh so many things to say, but unfortunately they cannot be said on lj.
i'll leave you with this:
You must know... surely, you must know it was all for you. I believe you spoke with my aunt last night, and it has taught me to hope as I'd scarcely allowed myself before. If your feelings are still what they were last April, tell me so at once. My affections and wishes have not changed, but one word from you will silence me forever. If, however, your feelings have changed, I will have to tell you: you have bewitched me, body and soul, and I love, I love, I love you. I never wish to be parted from you from this day on.
oh, mr. darcy. why don't you exist? (i watch pride and prejudice far too often)
love love love,
clare.