sigh
I sit and wonder how much longer this can really last... He thinks he knows everything and is allways right He hits the children and I dont mean a love tap here and there I mean Punches dewayne in the chest.. and beats both of them with a studed leather belt hard enough to leave bruses on there legs.....he slaps them in the face.. he screams at me and hes hit me several times I am afraid of where its going to lead in 5 years or so... And I dont know what to do feel like I am right where I was when I was 17... and when hes done he kisses my ass and is all sweet and nice again like I am supposed to forget it all happened.. I feel so dead on the inside I dont want to get up in the morining I dont want to feel I dont want to love my children I just want to shut down and sit in a dark corner... I want drugs and liquor to numb the pain That has become every day again... I dont want to live because I feel ther is no point to why I put up with this every day and I feel so fucking helpless because I know I have no where elise to go and I feel s bad for the kids because they half to live like this because I feel as a mom I have failed and I have become my mother which is my worst fear ever.... and theres nothing I can do about it.... and it hurts so bad.... I reallyu dont want to be with him anymore i dont wnat to be around him I dont want to sleep in the sme room with him because he has pushed me so far away from what we used to be... and i dont know how to deal....