Someone cut my heart out. Real life rant.

[cloudy_chan]

I really wish I would stop feeling so terrible. I both know and don't know what is doing it. I have always harbored feelings of inadequacy but recently when they hit me they are overwhelming and I just cry. Im not looking for an ego boost or someone to tell me how awesome I am, I just need to put these feelings out there. I dont like being a burden to my friends so I keep a lot of these feelings inside most of the time but I think that's just a bad idea. I have been going at school non stop since January and I just want it to stop. My grandmother passed away a couple of weeks ago and I was the only one in the family that didn't get to see her to say goodbye. My boyfriend is going to Iraq in 3 weeks and im so fucking scared inside for him. Im confused by my own feelings and hate that I cant just come to terms with them and set them aside. Im graduating college in a month and a half and even though I should be happy about it, that scares me too because I am going to be paying on loans and need to find a job.

The only light in my life right now is that fact that I have amazing friends and the fact that im going to Otakon in a month. If that falls through...I dont know what I am going to do. Sorry about the rambling I just needed to get it all out of my system.

There...thats it. /deep breath.