No Tournament For Me
I've decided not to go to the Hwa Rang Do tournament in Wisconsin, despite chesh's very generous offer to cover my transportation costs. The reasons are financial. I hope. I think I'm being responsible and making the right choice. I'm posting this to help clarify my own thoughts.
Decision-Making Process
I listen to the nagging voices that say I should/should not do things. If it's important enough for my conscience, dedication, self-respect and/or ambition to speak up, it's important enough for me to do what they say. Because if you don't listen to those little voices, they get quieter and quieter until they go away altogether...and you wake up one morning wondering why your life is shit. (Note: This is why I am a hard-ass about certain things)
I also listen to the voices of fear and let's-procrastinate, but only in order to force myself really hard in the opposite direction. With varying degrees of intelligence and success, of course.
The problem with deciding was that I had both kinds of voices going at once, and it was difficult to sort out what was what. Voice Number One said, "You can't afford this right now." Voice Number Two said, "New people! New place! People watching you! Eeek! Run and hide!" (I was also, of course, thinking "Fun!" and "I could kick ass!" and "New people good!" and "Friends good!"--but these are luxuries )
Did I mention that my voices are sneaky about coming up with good excuses? Usually, I'd obey Voice Number One and force myself to fight Voice Number Two. But these two urges were conflicting.
If I Went
Yes, I might make new friends. Yes, it would be a fun social bonding experience. Yes, I'd love fighting new people. Yes, I have a decent chance of winning the sparring competition for my division (where "decent chance"= "chance > 0"...est. chance about 20%).
But...
I wouldn't be competing in forms or the break-a-thon, just sparring. I would be abandoning my poor Muse on his birthday week-end. I wouldn't gain new skills, really. If I spend money on martial-artsy things, it should be so that I can learn.
All else is vanity and weakness.*
Cost
Even without worrying about transportation, the cost (between the [relatively low] entrance fee, hotel room, and food) would probably come out to about $75-$100. That would be an irresponsible amount for me to spend on what would basically be an indulgence. Financially, the timing is just bad--between having to shell out nearly $1000 in taxes, having put most major purchases in the last month and a half on the credit cards because of anticipating said tax payment, and (maybe) needing to get the roof fixed sometime soon.... I spent my martial arts money already, when I got a grappling uniform and swords. I'll be buying a punchcard sometime in the next couple of weeks to let me take grappling classes.
I need to put the extra money I've earned this month towards paying off student loans, credit card debt, buying the Muse a birthday present, and maybe getting myself a couple of pairs of shorts and some sandals for summer.
No, I am NOT willing to work extra hours to get more money. That's another post, though.
* So spake the Ice Bitch.
After making the decision, I felt a little bit of regret and wistfulness, but no "wrong-decision, must-try-not-to-think-about-results/alternatives," so I'm pretty sure that I made the right choice for the right reasons. I had trouble sleeping last night because I was fretting over this; I'll sleep well tonight, I hope.
I might have to tolerate some instructorly disapproval, though....
Decision-Making Process
I listen to the nagging voices that say I should/should not do things. If it's important enough for my conscience, dedication, self-respect and/or ambition to speak up, it's important enough for me to do what they say. Because if you don't listen to those little voices, they get quieter and quieter until they go away altogether...and you wake up one morning wondering why your life is shit. (Note: This is why I am a hard-ass about certain things)
I also listen to the voices of fear and let's-procrastinate, but only in order to force myself really hard in the opposite direction. With varying degrees of intelligence and success, of course.
The problem with deciding was that I had both kinds of voices going at once, and it was difficult to sort out what was what. Voice Number One said, "You can't afford this right now." Voice Number Two said, "New people! New place! People watching you! Eeek! Run and hide!" (I was also, of course, thinking "Fun!" and "I could kick ass!" and "New people good!" and "Friends good!"--but these are luxuries )
Did I mention that my voices are sneaky about coming up with good excuses? Usually, I'd obey Voice Number One and force myself to fight Voice Number Two. But these two urges were conflicting.
If I Went
Yes, I might make new friends. Yes, it would be a fun social bonding experience. Yes, I'd love fighting new people. Yes, I have a decent chance of winning the sparring competition for my division (where "decent chance"= "chance > 0"...est. chance about 20%).
But...
I wouldn't be competing in forms or the break-a-thon, just sparring. I would be abandoning my poor Muse on his birthday week-end. I wouldn't gain new skills, really. If I spend money on martial-artsy things, it should be so that I can learn.
All else is vanity and weakness.*
Cost
Even without worrying about transportation, the cost (between the [relatively low] entrance fee, hotel room, and food) would probably come out to about $75-$100. That would be an irresponsible amount for me to spend on what would basically be an indulgence. Financially, the timing is just bad--between having to shell out nearly $1000 in taxes, having put most major purchases in the last month and a half on the credit cards because of anticipating said tax payment, and (maybe) needing to get the roof fixed sometime soon.... I spent my martial arts money already, when I got a grappling uniform and swords. I'll be buying a punchcard sometime in the next couple of weeks to let me take grappling classes.
I need to put the extra money I've earned this month towards paying off student loans, credit card debt, buying the Muse a birthday present, and maybe getting myself a couple of pairs of shorts and some sandals for summer.
No, I am NOT willing to work extra hours to get more money. That's another post, though.
* So spake the Ice Bitch.
After making the decision, I felt a little bit of regret and wistfulness, but no "wrong-decision, must-try-not-to-think-about-results/alternatives," so I'm pretty sure that I made the right choice for the right reasons. I had trouble sleeping last night because I was fretting over this; I'll sleep well tonight, I hope.
I might have to tolerate some instructorly disapproval, though....