A Warmth that Left
Title: A Warmth that Left
Paring:Hangeng/Heechul
Genre: Angst
Rating:PG-13
Warning:Mentions of Alcohol; Use of the word 'bastard' XD
Summary:It was just another day without him.
Note: This is old stuff, I wrote this when Heechul's cyworld entry (the one with the poem and picture) came out. This was when I was losing hope, but right now I think that HanChul couldn't be anymore real. :) Still for my forever love totaalinenerror <3 AND! for my lovely beta, abi_minded ;)
When he woke up it was past noon already; the sun was up and bright outside but he could feel the loneliness hanging in the air.
He didn't have any schedule today but somehow he was expecting himself to wake up to the smell of Beijing fried rice and somebody's broken Korean. And at the thought he pondered which one he misses more but decided it was too early to think and made his way to the bathroom to wash his face.
He was a person that usually kept to himself and so he was used to being alone, but this day was hard to get through. He did what he usually did. Make breakfast, play some internet games, watch TV, surf the net, eat some snacks. Although everything he did reminded him of that person, he would quickly brush aside any thought of him, but Heechul swears his mind's betraying him. His efforts to take his mind away from that person were met with flashbacks of their memories.
He settled for sitting on the couch lazily. By this time he would already be updating his minihompy but he needed a good drink. He'd update it later.
While drinking he's 3rd can of beer his mind wandered off to when he learned about Hankyung filing a lawsuit. He remembers it vividly. He didn't ask why or force him to stay. He didn't demand for reasons. He didn't cry when Hankyung was packing up. He didn't even bother to say goodbye. But he called him, right after he went out the door. He said he'd miss him and that he hopes he'd be well. He didn't know why he didn't do it all the while the Chinese man was inside their dorm, maybe it was pride? Ego? He wasn't sure, but maybe he just didn't want to make it harder for Hankyung to fight for himself.
He's drinking his 5th can now, still lumped lazily on the couch, remembering Kyuhyun's cyworld entry. The day he read it, there had been shouting and throwing stuff. He doesn't quite remember who did what, he didn't bother remembering it -it was probably him anyway. He does remember, however, his confrontation with the maknae.
~
"What the hell is up with that?!" He asks angrily, Leeteuk was holding his arms, preventing him from getting any closer to Kyuhyun.
Kyuhyun just hung his head low, his hair covering his eyes. When Heechul finally escaped Leetuek's grip he slapped Kyuhyun. Hard.
The maknae didn't even bother fighting back, he's head still hung low, he just stared at the floor. Heechul was throwing a fit now, and from the corner of his mind he could hear Eunhyuk crying and another voice, he wasn't sure if it was Ryeowook or Sungmin. He couldn't care less at the moment though. He needs answers from Kyuhyun, and he needs it NOW.
More throwing things and shouting, but Kyuhyun still didn't respond, and so he violently shoved Kyuhyun which caused the maknae's back to meet the hard floor.
"What do you know you stupid brat? Weren't we supposed to be brothers? How dare you badmouth your hyung?!" Heechul shouted at Kyuhyun who already managed to sit up.
"...ish." Kyuhyun whispered almost inaudibly. Heechul being fed up grabbed him by the collar pulling him up so that he was standing. When Heechul managed to bring Kyuhyun to his feet, still clutching at his collar, Kyuhyun slapped his Hyung's hand away from him and took a step back.
"I said he was selfish!" Kyuhyun shouted angrily at his Hyung, finally looking up, revealing eyes red with the unstoppable flow of his tears.
"Brothers?" voice venomous and stinging, but the sight was heartbreaking. "Your right hyung! Aren't we supposed to be brothers?!" He continued angrily, looking straight at Heechul's eyes not even bothering to wipe the tears away.
"Then why?!" it was his turn to grab Heechul's collar, shaking him violently, then suddenly his hands dropped to his side.
"Why is he leaving us hyung?" It came as a mere whisper. Kyuhyun's hands made their way to Heechul's shirt, tiredly grabbing two fistfuls of his hyung's clothes, looking at the floor again. He couldn't manage to argue anymore, his sobs taking the best of him and so he just leaned against his hyung's chest, as if in defeat, crying.
"I'm sorry." it was the only thing Heechul could mutter, pulling the maknae into a hug. He didn't realize it, of course Kyuhyun is hurt too, it's not just him. He looked around the room, taking in the image of the other members: some where crying, the others just silently watching. Eunhyuk and Donghae in particular were cuddled up in a corner; the former was being comforted by the latter. He stares at their faces like he'd forget it any moment. And with that he finally realizes -that all along, it's not just him that's hurt.
"I'm really sorry." He said again, not only directed at the youngest member but to everyone else in the room. He hugged him tighter.
"Really now you brat, you could have said it in a nicer way." he whispered weakly into the other's head.
"But Hyung, I really just don't understand." Fighting back another round of tears, Kyuhyun answered him with all the strength he had left.
"Araso." He says softly, almost as soft as how Hankyung would have said it.
~
Weeks? Months? A year?
He really wasn't sure. But it felt like eternity.
Gulping down yet another can. He tries to remember how long it had been since he started living alone in that painfully quiet dorm. He couldn't even bring himself to call it 'Home', because from what he knows, a 'home' is a warm place. This place where he stays is far from that. It was cold and lonely, the warmth? It left a long time ago with the closing of that door; or was it when he called him and said those words with what he hoped was an uncaring tone and all Hankyung said was a soft 'Araso' and finally hung up? Finally leaving everything behind?
He opens another can, not sure if he could take more. But this is what he wanted. He wanted to drink his heart out so that he wouldn't feel the emptiness. But he was wrong. If anything, it only amplified the pain. 10 times worse? No, maybe a thousand times worse?
He couldn't even keep track of how many cans of beer he drank. He doesn't remember when he stood up from the couch. He just found himself helplessly crying in front of his laptop, Writing his feelings down his minihompy as he thinks about his Chinese friend, how he misses him, how it feels so quiet and empty in these four corners of concrete wall he used to call home.
As he gulps down what he thinks should be his last can of beer, he finishes his entry.
~
"Maybe, meeting you isn't my destiny, but it is my fate."
Paring:Hangeng/Heechul
Genre: Angst
Rating:PG-13
Warning:Mentions of Alcohol; Use of the word 'bastard' XD
Summary:It was just another day without him.
Note: This is old stuff, I wrote this when Heechul's cyworld entry (the one with the poem and picture) came out. This was when I was losing hope, but right now I think that HanChul couldn't be anymore real. :) Still for my forever love totaalinenerror <3 AND! for my lovely beta, abi_minded ;)
When he woke up it was past noon already; the sun was up and bright outside but he could feel the loneliness hanging in the air.
He didn't have any schedule today but somehow he was expecting himself to wake up to the smell of Beijing fried rice and somebody's broken Korean. And at the thought he pondered which one he misses more but decided it was too early to think and made his way to the bathroom to wash his face.
He was a person that usually kept to himself and so he was used to being alone, but this day was hard to get through. He did what he usually did. Make breakfast, play some internet games, watch TV, surf the net, eat some snacks. Although everything he did reminded him of that person, he would quickly brush aside any thought of him, but Heechul swears his mind's betraying him. His efforts to take his mind away from that person were met with flashbacks of their memories.
He settled for sitting on the couch lazily. By this time he would already be updating his minihompy but he needed a good drink. He'd update it later.
While drinking he's 3rd can of beer his mind wandered off to when he learned about Hankyung filing a lawsuit. He remembers it vividly. He didn't ask why or force him to stay. He didn't demand for reasons. He didn't cry when Hankyung was packing up. He didn't even bother to say goodbye. But he called him, right after he went out the door. He said he'd miss him and that he hopes he'd be well. He didn't know why he didn't do it all the while the Chinese man was inside their dorm, maybe it was pride? Ego? He wasn't sure, but maybe he just didn't want to make it harder for Hankyung to fight for himself.
He's drinking his 5th can now, still lumped lazily on the couch, remembering Kyuhyun's cyworld entry. The day he read it, there had been shouting and throwing stuff. He doesn't quite remember who did what, he didn't bother remembering it -it was probably him anyway. He does remember, however, his confrontation with the maknae.
~
"What the hell is up with that?!" He asks angrily, Leeteuk was holding his arms, preventing him from getting any closer to Kyuhyun.
Kyuhyun just hung his head low, his hair covering his eyes. When Heechul finally escaped Leetuek's grip he slapped Kyuhyun. Hard.
The maknae didn't even bother fighting back, he's head still hung low, he just stared at the floor. Heechul was throwing a fit now, and from the corner of his mind he could hear Eunhyuk crying and another voice, he wasn't sure if it was Ryeowook or Sungmin. He couldn't care less at the moment though. He needs answers from Kyuhyun, and he needs it NOW.
More throwing things and shouting, but Kyuhyun still didn't respond, and so he violently shoved Kyuhyun which caused the maknae's back to meet the hard floor.
"What do you know you stupid brat? Weren't we supposed to be brothers? How dare you badmouth your hyung?!" Heechul shouted at Kyuhyun who already managed to sit up.
"...ish." Kyuhyun whispered almost inaudibly. Heechul being fed up grabbed him by the collar pulling him up so that he was standing. When Heechul managed to bring Kyuhyun to his feet, still clutching at his collar, Kyuhyun slapped his Hyung's hand away from him and took a step back.
"I said he was selfish!" Kyuhyun shouted angrily at his Hyung, finally looking up, revealing eyes red with the unstoppable flow of his tears.
"Brothers?" voice venomous and stinging, but the sight was heartbreaking. "Your right hyung! Aren't we supposed to be brothers?!" He continued angrily, looking straight at Heechul's eyes not even bothering to wipe the tears away.
"Then why?!" it was his turn to grab Heechul's collar, shaking him violently, then suddenly his hands dropped to his side.
"Why is he leaving us hyung?" It came as a mere whisper. Kyuhyun's hands made their way to Heechul's shirt, tiredly grabbing two fistfuls of his hyung's clothes, looking at the floor again. He couldn't manage to argue anymore, his sobs taking the best of him and so he just leaned against his hyung's chest, as if in defeat, crying.
"I'm sorry." it was the only thing Heechul could mutter, pulling the maknae into a hug. He didn't realize it, of course Kyuhyun is hurt too, it's not just him. He looked around the room, taking in the image of the other members: some where crying, the others just silently watching. Eunhyuk and Donghae in particular were cuddled up in a corner; the former was being comforted by the latter. He stares at their faces like he'd forget it any moment. And with that he finally realizes -that all along, it's not just him that's hurt.
"I'm really sorry." He said again, not only directed at the youngest member but to everyone else in the room. He hugged him tighter.
"Really now you brat, you could have said it in a nicer way." he whispered weakly into the other's head.
"But Hyung, I really just don't understand." Fighting back another round of tears, Kyuhyun answered him with all the strength he had left.
"Araso." He says softly, almost as soft as how Hankyung would have said it.
~
Weeks? Months? A year?
He really wasn't sure. But it felt like eternity.
Gulping down yet another can. He tries to remember how long it had been since he started living alone in that painfully quiet dorm. He couldn't even bring himself to call it 'Home', because from what he knows, a 'home' is a warm place. This place where he stays is far from that. It was cold and lonely, the warmth? It left a long time ago with the closing of that door; or was it when he called him and said those words with what he hoped was an uncaring tone and all Hankyung said was a soft 'Araso' and finally hung up? Finally leaving everything behind?
He opens another can, not sure if he could take more. But this is what he wanted. He wanted to drink his heart out so that he wouldn't feel the emptiness. But he was wrong. If anything, it only amplified the pain. 10 times worse? No, maybe a thousand times worse?
He couldn't even keep track of how many cans of beer he drank. He doesn't remember when he stood up from the couch. He just found himself helplessly crying in front of his laptop, Writing his feelings down his minihompy as he thinks about his Chinese friend, how he misses him, how it feels so quiet and empty in these four corners of concrete wall he used to call home.
As he gulps down what he thinks should be his last can of beer, he finishes his entry.
~
"Maybe, meeting you isn't my destiny, but it is my fate."