don't stand around like friends at a funeral...

[cloudlessclimes]

I used to think it would be nice if a day could come with a "do over" button. Now I'm kind of thinking it would be good to have a "do over" button for a week. How is it not Friday? I sort of want to crawl into bed, pull the covers over my head and stay there until it's all better.

queen_geek your voice mail made me smile. I am so lucky to know you

Comments

[queen_geek]

So Gerard has all this paraphernalia, right, for his hamster? Including this fucking purple running ball that he puts the Demon Rodent into and the thing runs hither and yon, all over the house. Sometimes Frank thinks of opening the front door and just, like, punting the stupid ball, bloodthirsty fluffball and all, out into the wild blue yonder. Then he thinks of how crushed Gerard would be, and he rethinks it.

One day, Gerard doesn't snap the little closure on the top all the way shut, and Mr. Nibbles escapes! Gerard is frantic, and Frank is alternately terrified that he's going to step on the fucking thing, and that he's going to wake up with it, like, feasting on his eyeball or some shit. It is a very tense Tuesday.

Gerard's wandering around the house, lifting things up and putting them down, opening and closing cupboards, the whole time going, "Mr. Nibbles! Where are you? This isn't funny, Mr. Nibbles!" Frank is watching The Price is Right, when all of a sudden the skin on the back of his neck starts prickling. He turns around very slowly, and there, sitting on the back of the couch, eyeing Frank's right earlobe with bloodlust in it's beady little eyes, is Mr. Nibbles.

Frank is man enough to admit that he shrieks like a tiny little girl. Gerard comes running, but by the time he gets to the room, the hamster has disappeared. Gerard begins rummaging in earnest, while Frank curls himself up as tiny as he can go -- which is, admittedly, pretty fucking tiny -- and thinks about gluing the door to the hamsterball shut, once the miniscule beast is back inside it.

Gerard finally apprehends Mr. Nibbles, who is sitting in Frank's cereal bowl. He spends a ridiculous amount of time cooing at his cupped hands, where only Mr. Nibbles' twitchy, pink, evil nose can be seen poking out. Gerard baby-talks his way into the next room, puts Mr. Nibbles into his cage, and triple-checks the latch on the top.

Frank grabs Guitar For Dummies -- a gag-gift to Gerard from Ray -- and puts it on top of the cage, just for extra insurance.

[cloudlessclimes]

EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!! OMG Amy I love you!!! Hampire returns!!! I have read this like, 5x and laughed like a moron every single time!!! *hugs*

[queen_geek]

Zany hampire shenanigans, good for what ails you.

So, hey, we should talk about Saturday night/Sunday shenanigans, yes? Will we be shenaniganating this weekend? Inquiring minds and all that.

[cloudlessclimes]

Yes, of course we will be shenaniganating! I am doing...something *hurts thinker* during the day on Sat but in the pm I can head to Hamilton or you can mosey up to the T. Dot Or something. Boy howdy now ain't that a bullet proof plan. xo

[0nlymemories]

MADE OF WIN.

*misses his hamster*

[queen_geek]

Have you seen the Original Tales Of Mr. Nibble the Hampire? They are quite astoundingly good, if I do say so myself.

[cloudlessclimes]

I could post it. Cuz really. So totally made of win.

[cloudlessclimes]

gah! hamsters! *shudders* Vermin! With their wee beady eyes, just waiting to sink their fangs into you...

Hampires Will Never Hurt You

[cloudlessclimes]

Read this:

Frank hissed and pulled his hand out of the cage quickly. "Jesusfuck, Gerard, your hamster just bit me!" A jewel of blood glistened on the tip of his index finger.
"What? Mr. Nibbles would never do that!" Gerard reached into the cage and extracted the tawny ball of evil and cuddled it to his chest.
"Mr. Nibbles? What about Mr. Gnaws Your Fucking Hand Off? Fuck." Frank looked into the animal's beady, soulless eye and shuddered. "Gee, maybe youshouldn't hold that thing so close to your heart. It has the taste of blood now, and we can't replace you."
Gerard cast a withering glare at Frank and rubbed a soothing finger over the rodent's head. "Don't listen to him, Mr. Nibbles, he's just afraid of things smaller than he is."
Frank would swear on an entire stack of Justice League first editions that the hamster was gloating at him. The drop of blood rolled off Frank's finger and spatted onto the hardwood. "Alright, Gerard, side with your pet, but if I turn into a vampire overnight, get rid of Mr. Enjoys Tasty Flesh." Frank turned to go to the bathroom to rinse his finger with an entire bottle of peroxide.
Gerard followed him, still clutching his twitchy pet to his chest. "You wouldn't turn into a vampire from a hamster bite." Frank looked back at him in the mirror and saw the instant some horrible, punny thought appeared in Gerard's tiny, hamster-loving brain. "Maybe a HAMpire, though." Gerard giggled -- giggled! like a fucking tiny, hamster-loving girl! -- at his own joke.
"It's like I don't even know you." Frank turned his attention from his best friend to inspect his fingertip. Although the cut wasn't bleeding any more, it stung like a bitch. Probably from the hamster venom.

See? Amy really is that awesome. Hampires? Will never not be hilarious.