(no subject)
im single. again. haha it seems like long term relationships are my thing... except they're not because then they end...? i havent been in a relationship shorter than 1 year in over 5 years.... wowzah.
it's funny... the guy i was dating, pol, was PERFECT. but i think i confused stability for love. not that i didn't love him, because i did... but it wasnt the love that it should've been or maybe it was? who the heck knows.
i was so comfortable with him though. i was me. that's all. i was just me. and he accepted it and loved it and took care of it. and now im not with him, and i feel lost. the hardest thing in the world is to let down your guard in front of someone. to remove all the bullshit you put up for society to be "normal"... and i was completely naked with him (not that way, haha) and now... i got nothin'
but unfortunately, we both wanted different things. he wants marriage no earlier than 30. and i want marriage by 26, haha. i know it's lame to give an ultimatum like that, but that's what everything revolves around. time. time and doing what's best and right and what's expected.
surprisingly, i've been doing well with it. it's been over for a few weeks, and i feel that my school work and other guys (distractions) have made it easier. but at times, like this, i just wish i knew i had him and that i could be myself with someone again.
i got a job working at INOVA fair oaks hospital in the neonatal intensive care unit! im hella excited. :)
it's funny... the guy i was dating, pol, was PERFECT. but i think i confused stability for love. not that i didn't love him, because i did... but it wasnt the love that it should've been or maybe it was? who the heck knows.
i was so comfortable with him though. i was me. that's all. i was just me. and he accepted it and loved it and took care of it. and now im not with him, and i feel lost. the hardest thing in the world is to let down your guard in front of someone. to remove all the bullshit you put up for society to be "normal"... and i was completely naked with him (not that way, haha) and now... i got nothin'
but unfortunately, we both wanted different things. he wants marriage no earlier than 30. and i want marriage by 26, haha. i know it's lame to give an ultimatum like that, but that's what everything revolves around. time. time and doing what's best and right and what's expected.
surprisingly, i've been doing well with it. it's been over for a few weeks, and i feel that my school work and other guys (distractions) have made it easier. but at times, like this, i just wish i knew i had him and that i could be myself with someone again.
i got a job working at INOVA fair oaks hospital in the neonatal intensive care unit! im hella excited. :)