It sometimes feels as though the world is divided into people who have children and people who don't want kids around
I couldn't agree more. We're the only ones in our social group to have had a baby. Unfortunately not only are most of our friends child-free by choice, but they have little or no tolerance for children and in one case actively despise them. We've grown a lot closer to the very few in the group who do want a family one day, but our social group is otherwise falling to pieces. I feel like I'm bending over backwards to beg attention from the child-free nowadays in any form, and make enormous sacrifices so I can meet up with them "as usual" on their terms from time to time, yet aside from a few begrudging token gestures that happened at the start, there's been no offers of compromise. "It's you who had the baby, you deal with the problems; it's no concern of ours. And don't you dare talk about the baby even though it's 100% of your life right now. I can talk about my life though, that's fine." - it's (mostly) unsaid, but it's been made quite clear.
I always assumed when one had a baby that one *chooses* to not see friends any more but in fact, at least in my case, it seems the reverse is true. I'm just as willing as I ever was but nobody seems to want to bother to make an extra bit of effort that pales compared to the logistics we have to go through in order to have a night out these days.
I guess I'm a bit bitter! ;-)
It's fantastic you had a time out socially where you could combine the two. It *is* easily done so long as the people you're socialising with don't have a chip on their shoulder over a mere baby. It's not like we're asking them to look after the baby for us!
Like you, through lack of choice I suspect I'll be going down the "mummy" route as at least other mums understand and appreciate it.
I always assumed when one had a baby that one *chooses* to not see friends any more but in fact, at least in my case, it seems the reverse is true.
I'm feeling a bit that way as well. I'm quite surprised by some of the people who have made a big effort to stay in touch, as they aren't neccesarily the most keen on kids by any means, and this has involved a certain amount of discomfort on their part in some cases, which I really appreciate.
I think you must have some very good friends :-) You certainly do find out who are your real friends and who are fair weather friends when you start a family, that's for sure. I did expect a little more of my friends, especially as I've often made compromises as a result of their lifestyle changes in some cases, but I think I was naive. Those who've stuck by me I really do treasure though, like you say :-)
I think that the only people who understand the amount of effort involved in going out (or evenhaving friends round) are the ones who've been there themselves. Still, I've managed to get Kit to take milk froma bottle, and she's mostly feeding every 4hours now rather than every hour or two, so I feel a lot less tied down.
That's cool! It's a huge relief when they take the bottle; Bethan fortunately had no problems with it thank goodness. I've gone out a couple of times, but I've had to pump (and often dump) afterwards which is heartbreaking because it feels like such a waste. It's really put me off going out or getting drunk! When I was pregnant I was desperate to have a drink and get properly tipsy again, but now I can but at the expense of my precious milk I'm just not as interested.
I don't after a couple either. It's only if I'm likely to be drinking more than two and I'm out somewhere; which has probably only happened 3/4 times in the last six months, including the hen night and the wedding. If I can deal with the engorgement I will just wait and then feed her later because it's not like alcohol stays in the milk (magic!)
However it is such a hassle I think I won't be going out anywhere much at all until she's weaned or at least drinking a lot less; which I'm not intending to do until she decides!
I couldn't agree more. We're the only ones in our social group to have had a baby. Unfortunately not only are most of our friends child-free by choice, but they have little or no tolerance for children and in one case actively despise them. We've grown a lot closer to the very few in the group who do want a family one day, but our social group is otherwise falling to pieces. I feel like I'm bending over backwards to beg attention from the child-free nowadays in any form, and make enormous sacrifices so I can meet up with them "as usual" on their terms from time to time, yet aside from a few begrudging token gestures that happened at the start, there's been no offers of compromise. "It's you who had the baby, you deal with the problems; it's no concern of ours. And don't you dare talk about the baby even though it's 100% of your life right now. I can talk about my life though, that's fine." - it's (mostly) unsaid, but it's been made quite clear.
I always assumed when one had a baby that one *chooses* to not see friends any more but in fact, at least in my case, it seems the reverse is true. I'm just as willing as I ever was but nobody seems to want to bother to make an extra bit of effort that pales compared to the logistics we have to go through in order to have a night out these days.
I guess I'm a bit bitter! ;-)
It's fantastic you had a time out socially where you could combine the two. It *is* easily done so long as the people you're socialising with don't have a chip on their shoulder over a mere baby. It's not like we're asking them to look after the baby for us!
Like you, through lack of choice I suspect I'll be going down the "mummy" route as at least other mums understand and appreciate it.
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I'm feeling a bit that way as well. I'm quite surprised by some of the people who have made a big effort to stay in touch, as they aren't neccesarily the most keen on kids by any means, and this has involved a certain amount of discomfort on their part in some cases, which I really appreciate.
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However it is such a hassle I think I won't be going out anywhere much at all until she's weaned or at least drinking a lot less; which I'm not intending to do until she decides!
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