I like to unload bullets in a People Magazine.
Someone, who knew I kept a plethora of firearms out in the open, once asked me if I worried about my cats being a danger. I gave the only appropriate response I could think of.
"If Pants learns to operate a firearm with her paws, I have bigger problems than the lack of a safe."
I'm aware they were referring to hair and such getting into the internals and what have you, but I cannot resist a good smart assed remark. It is a vice.
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Excerpt from my living will.
I want my organs donated. I’m dead, I can’t use them, so find someone who can. And, I’m not sure how much power these wills have in a court of law with regards to that bullshit waiting list for organs, but I figure, that once I die, you have about 24 hours to find someone that deserves my organs. Really, go handpick them. The rule of dibs may even apply, here, say, if you know your living is failing and I am a match, quickly call dibs to lay your claim. If the paramedics already rushed it off to slap into some 80 year old alcoholic, inform them that you have, in fact, claimed dibs on my liver and it should be promptly removed as it was my last wish. The highlighter my lawyer should have issued to you all would be quite handy here, once again.
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Random fact: I now prefer long shorts and pants in hot weather to hide the fact that I wear two knee braces. Earlier in life, my preference was simply because I have a bizarre and outdated sense of style.
"If Pants learns to operate a firearm with her paws, I have bigger problems than the lack of a safe."
I'm aware they were referring to hair and such getting into the internals and what have you, but I cannot resist a good smart assed remark. It is a vice.
---
Excerpt from my living will.
I want my organs donated. I’m dead, I can’t use them, so find someone who can. And, I’m not sure how much power these wills have in a court of law with regards to that bullshit waiting list for organs, but I figure, that once I die, you have about 24 hours to find someone that deserves my organs. Really, go handpick them. The rule of dibs may even apply, here, say, if you know your living is failing and I am a match, quickly call dibs to lay your claim. If the paramedics already rushed it off to slap into some 80 year old alcoholic, inform them that you have, in fact, claimed dibs on my liver and it should be promptly removed as it was my last wish. The highlighter my lawyer should have issued to you all would be quite handy here, once again.
---
Random fact: I now prefer long shorts and pants in hot weather to hide the fact that I wear two knee braces. Earlier in life, my preference was simply because I have a bizarre and outdated sense of style.