(no subject)
I hate my family. It is like my parents want everyone else to be misrible because they are. I don't know what to think. My dad told us he was moving out once he got his liscense back. Well he told my mom cause I wasn't hear becuase I was trying to avoid all the yelling. I hate this. They will probably get a divorce now. I don't know what to think about it. I can't feel anything. Not just with my family but with everyone. I need someone that understands what I am feeling and actually WANTS to hear what I have to say, but there is no one. I don't want to burden anyone else with all this drama. Real drama is almost worse than all the teenage girl drama I have to go through everyday.
Like nikki fighting with sean. I can tell he is hurt even though he won't admit it. I don't know how she feels. But I love them both so it is hard to sit there and listen to them talk about one another. I just really try to listen. I can't take all that drama when I have this whole family thing going on. I hate it. I wish for once things would go right in my life. I mean my grades suck cause trying to concentrate in school is pointless because now I barly sleep at all. Everything has happened at once, not all of it is bad but most of it is and is taking a lot out of me. Like it makes me on edge all the time. I snapped at Heather today for no reason, I can't even remember what it was about, it was that dumb.
I am also scared. Scared of my future. Cause I don't know. I mean I just keep thinking that once highschool is done I will have no future. What if I never see any of my friends again? What is it going to feel like when I don't get to see everyone everyday? I keep worrying that my dream will never come true and that if it doesn't I won't have anything to fall back on cause my grades are so bad right now. I don't know whats wrong with me. For a little while I had really high self esteem and could find the best in situations. But now I have no self esteem and I can't find the best in any situation. I look at myself in the mirror and I see a sad ugly depressed girl who has no potentional to be beautiful or smart or funny. I hate feeling that way. I really hate it. I need to talk to someone and the one person I can think of to talk to that doesn't have all the other teenage drama to worry about won't pick up their phone.
I have to stop feeling sorry for myself, but it is kind of hard. I will just stop talking.
Like nikki fighting with sean. I can tell he is hurt even though he won't admit it. I don't know how she feels. But I love them both so it is hard to sit there and listen to them talk about one another. I just really try to listen. I can't take all that drama when I have this whole family thing going on. I hate it. I wish for once things would go right in my life. I mean my grades suck cause trying to concentrate in school is pointless because now I barly sleep at all. Everything has happened at once, not all of it is bad but most of it is and is taking a lot out of me. Like it makes me on edge all the time. I snapped at Heather today for no reason, I can't even remember what it was about, it was that dumb.
I am also scared. Scared of my future. Cause I don't know. I mean I just keep thinking that once highschool is done I will have no future. What if I never see any of my friends again? What is it going to feel like when I don't get to see everyone everyday? I keep worrying that my dream will never come true and that if it doesn't I won't have anything to fall back on cause my grades are so bad right now. I don't know whats wrong with me. For a little while I had really high self esteem and could find the best in situations. But now I have no self esteem and I can't find the best in any situation. I look at myself in the mirror and I see a sad ugly depressed girl who has no potentional to be beautiful or smart or funny. I hate feeling that way. I really hate it. I need to talk to someone and the one person I can think of to talk to that doesn't have all the other teenage drama to worry about won't pick up their phone.
I have to stop feeling sorry for myself, but it is kind of hard. I will just stop talking.