(no subject)
Life. A tumultuous journey. Some have it easy. I'm afraid to say that I am not lucky enough to say I am one of the prestigious few. Instead, I've lived a life, full of fear, deceit, and hatred. First off, my family. I fucking hate every one of them. So much. My parents give me no respect or credit whatsoever. They find my life a joke, always saying one bad thing I did like four months ago. I hate them so much. My dad says all the friends I have are losers. Except of course, all of the ones I start naming that actually aren't. Then he says, well, most of them are. I hate him the most. He used to beat the shit out of me and ground me for getting Bs on a report card. Now, he "doesn't care". What he does is list how my life is and will be so fucked up. How he hears all these stories about kids who want to like rule the world. He says,
"One girl took that SAT last year, got a 1440, and is re-taking it this year to get a perfect. She already took it once already and got a 2400. She is already accepted to Brown University. Now she wants to get a 2500 and go to Harvard. She's going to be a doctor. If I have heart trouble, I want her to operate on me. Not any of your friends, like Santiago." (By the way, my dad likes to pick on Santiago. He knows nothing about you except what you look like in the dark after school and your name. And he thinks you are my only friend. He's close, but no cigar.) So I ask him how often he hears stories like this. He changes the subject. "In my childhood my parents would have beat me for 90% of what you do. I retorted, well what's new? I got a crack in the head. Then he started lecturing about how he had to eat vegetables on the toilet because he opted not to at the dinner table and then threw up. I replied with my stories of how I was forced to go to school, not 15 minutes after vomitting in three different places. And then, after vomitting, getting my ass kicked for vomitting on his pavement. Nobody cares about how our house looks. None of his co-workers live within 20 minutes of us. They haven't once come to see our family in 3 years. Not a single one. The only person he's worked with that's visited is his old boss, Carmel. Carmel however has taken a liking to me. He finds me funny and charismatic. He wanted to take me skiing last winter. My dad said no. He gave no reason as to why. Carmel has invited me skiing every year since I was 8. I've gone with him not once. I've recieved a plausable excuse from my father just as many times. I made that apparent to him. He then changed the subject yet again. Now it's, "Hey Andrew, I don't know what you want anymore. I don't know who you are anymore." I said, I don't want you to know these things. You'd find them unreasonable. Those things, by the way, are, I want to write. I don't know why. I just enjoy it. I think I could write myself a few decent books. Live a decent life off of them too maybe. I want to film movies as well. I love doing it... perhaps I could film a book? I don't know. Anyways, i want to go to some school and major in writing or something. I could also be a psychologist. I am pretty decent at listening to people if they give me the chance. I also understand where a lot of those kids are coming from. That's what I want to do. Write, film, or be a teen psychologist. My dad would find these ideas laughable. I hate school too. My teachers are almost all over the age 50. Ramirez. Teesch. Schack. Martineau. Zub is in mid-to late-40s. Casulo looks 30 to me. Their material is just too hard for me. Not only that, kids at school hate me. For no reason whatsoever. I don't do anything to them. They just hate me. Like, this one sophomore, I don't think he wants to befriend me. I think he only talks to me so I could give him stuff I don't want. That's how they all are there. Or almost all. If you have something they don't, they'll be nice until they get it. Then they'll talk shit about you while they're using it. If you don't, they'll talk shit about you anyway. They all think they're so far above me. Some are. Most aren't. My moral standards overcome their wealth and social stature. I detest St. Thomas however. It's unberable. At the moment, I'm grounded and my door is open. I shouldn't be doing this. I am however, because my dad spat in my face before smacking me around some. He said he wished I'd kill myself...
"One girl took that SAT last year, got a 1440, and is re-taking it this year to get a perfect. She already took it once already and got a 2400. She is already accepted to Brown University. Now she wants to get a 2500 and go to Harvard. She's going to be a doctor. If I have heart trouble, I want her to operate on me. Not any of your friends, like Santiago." (By the way, my dad likes to pick on Santiago. He knows nothing about you except what you look like in the dark after school and your name. And he thinks you are my only friend. He's close, but no cigar.) So I ask him how often he hears stories like this. He changes the subject. "In my childhood my parents would have beat me for 90% of what you do. I retorted, well what's new? I got a crack in the head. Then he started lecturing about how he had to eat vegetables on the toilet because he opted not to at the dinner table and then threw up. I replied with my stories of how I was forced to go to school, not 15 minutes after vomitting in three different places. And then, after vomitting, getting my ass kicked for vomitting on his pavement. Nobody cares about how our house looks. None of his co-workers live within 20 minutes of us. They haven't once come to see our family in 3 years. Not a single one. The only person he's worked with that's visited is his old boss, Carmel. Carmel however has taken a liking to me. He finds me funny and charismatic. He wanted to take me skiing last winter. My dad said no. He gave no reason as to why. Carmel has invited me skiing every year since I was 8. I've gone with him not once. I've recieved a plausable excuse from my father just as many times. I made that apparent to him. He then changed the subject yet again. Now it's, "Hey Andrew, I don't know what you want anymore. I don't know who you are anymore." I said, I don't want you to know these things. You'd find them unreasonable. Those things, by the way, are, I want to write. I don't know why. I just enjoy it. I think I could write myself a few decent books. Live a decent life off of them too maybe. I want to film movies as well. I love doing it... perhaps I could film a book? I don't know. Anyways, i want to go to some school and major in writing or something. I could also be a psychologist. I am pretty decent at listening to people if they give me the chance. I also understand where a lot of those kids are coming from. That's what I want to do. Write, film, or be a teen psychologist. My dad would find these ideas laughable. I hate school too. My teachers are almost all over the age 50. Ramirez. Teesch. Schack. Martineau. Zub is in mid-to late-40s. Casulo looks 30 to me. Their material is just too hard for me. Not only that, kids at school hate me. For no reason whatsoever. I don't do anything to them. They just hate me. Like, this one sophomore, I don't think he wants to befriend me. I think he only talks to me so I could give him stuff I don't want. That's how they all are there. Or almost all. If you have something they don't, they'll be nice until they get it. Then they'll talk shit about you while they're using it. If you don't, they'll talk shit about you anyway. They all think they're so far above me. Some are. Most aren't. My moral standards overcome their wealth and social stature. I detest St. Thomas however. It's unberable. At the moment, I'm grounded and my door is open. I shouldn't be doing this. I am however, because my dad spat in my face before smacking me around some. He said he wished I'd kill myself...