there are certain things about me that you just have to understand. i'm horribly emotional. but privately. i'm bad at saying things i feel, bad about convaying them. i feel them, i just don't let people know i do most of the time. it's one of those compact little shell things. also, i have to let myself be and not think too much about everything, i have to just live, or i get all bogged down in emotions and forget to live, and then the days crawl by. i can't even explain it. i mean i know how i am, i know the things i do, but i can't put them into words. i guess i get so good at hiding at school, that i forget to drop the act other times. i'm working on it though. i really am. since that party, since amanda and nic know, since the two people that i thought would take it the wrong way, and would be the weirdest about it.... since they found out, and they actually respect me more now that they know... i've started to realize that it doesn't matter anymore what they think...what anyone else thinks... becuase it doesn't change anything. i will still feel the same way about you whether they agree with it or not.
it's things like that that I NEED to hear. I feel like I'm over here all alone, and that I'm the only one feeling anything. I don't care if you tell ANYBODY or nobody...but TELL ME. because I need to know. Those are things that I need to hear.
Jenni, I don't know what it is about you, but like I said, I'm falling, and I really want you here. Nothing in my life feels stable anymore, and as much as I'm used to change, I still need a feeling of stability. But the way I feel about you is the only thing steady in my life...and when that doesn't feel so solid, it's like my whole world is crashing. (I HATE FEELING LIKE THAT...I hate feeling like I need you around). I want you around, but I don't want to have to need you.
I know I have a lot of self adjustments to make, and I'm sorry for this little roller coaster I keep putting you through, but I'm not going anywhere, and I hope that neither will you.
you're not all alone, that's for sure. even though i may not show it or say it or convay it at all, there are very few times that you aren't on my mind. i'm not going anywhere at all. i know how sometimes it can feel like things aren't solid between us, but they are. i mean we both feel the same way, and we both think the same things, or so it seems. there is a lot to get used to on both of our parts, and i think that's what makes us feel so lost sometimes, you know, the person you really want to be there when you're dealing with something difficult isn't there.
i'm definitely not going anywhere, and i'm glad you aren't either.
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Jenni, I don't know what it is about you, but like I said, I'm falling, and I really want you here. Nothing in my life feels stable anymore, and as much as I'm used to change, I still need a feeling of stability. But the way I feel about you is the only thing steady in my life...and when that doesn't feel so solid, it's like my whole world is crashing. (I HATE FEELING LIKE THAT...I hate feeling like I need you around). I want you around, but I don't want to have to need you.
I know I have a lot of self adjustments to make, and I'm sorry for this little roller coaster I keep putting you through, but I'm not going anywhere, and I hope that neither will you.
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i'm definitely not going anywhere, and i'm glad you aren't either.
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