(no subject)
I listen to everything everyone ever says to me. I know a lot of the time it may seem like I don't...because one by one each word and each phrase seeps between the cracks in all of these walls I've built that I have learned to call home. These walls that I've spent forever feeling safe behind...they are strong, but the things people say to me are still able to get through. I haven't closed myself off from everyone, or anyone. I still listen..and I still care. I don't say much...because I don't feel like I can. But I hang onto your every words. I'm learning. and I'm growing. I'm learning how to grow.
I used to look for myself all the time. I used to look for myself within others, within songs, within everything that exists in this world except for me. Now I know where I am. I'm still trying to figure out who I might be...but I'm in no rush. All I need to know is that with each experience I'll suck it dry for what it's worth. Things will get to me. People will get to me. I might show it, I might not. I might care, I might not. But I will learn. and I will grow. and the next experience will be a little different. but I'll still gather all the seeds until their gone. I might turn around to wave goodbye, though I'll probably just glance beyond my shoulders.
The only thing I need to know in order to know myself is that I will know one day. Trying to figure out everything at once is too overwhelming for any human. Besides, if I knew who I was today I would probably change tomorrow anyways.
No declaration of who I am or what I want to be. I still don't know.
I don't exist inside anybody else...I find certain things about people that remind me of similar attributes...lyrics in songs may seep between every crack of every wall that has ever existed..they may get so close to me that the hair on the back of my neck stands taller than every seven foot giant I've never met, and they may get so far inside of me that they leave a little tug in the base of my throat* but that's just me sharing something with the words I could never put together myself.
I don't think I need to know who I am to know what it takes for me to feel, what it takes for me to breathe, or what it takes for me to exist. I know I don't need to know. Because I can feel, breathe, and exist just fine right now. And right now...I have no idea who I am, what I want to be...or where I will be in 36.7 years. who cares?
right now. that's all that matters.
it's raining outside right now.
I used to look for myself all the time. I used to look for myself within others, within songs, within everything that exists in this world except for me. Now I know where I am. I'm still trying to figure out who I might be...but I'm in no rush. All I need to know is that with each experience I'll suck it dry for what it's worth. Things will get to me. People will get to me. I might show it, I might not. I might care, I might not. But I will learn. and I will grow. and the next experience will be a little different. but I'll still gather all the seeds until their gone. I might turn around to wave goodbye, though I'll probably just glance beyond my shoulders.
The only thing I need to know in order to know myself is that I will know one day. Trying to figure out everything at once is too overwhelming for any human. Besides, if I knew who I was today I would probably change tomorrow anyways.
No declaration of who I am or what I want to be. I still don't know.
I don't exist inside anybody else...I find certain things about people that remind me of similar attributes...lyrics in songs may seep between every crack of every wall that has ever existed..they may get so close to me that the hair on the back of my neck stands taller than every seven foot giant I've never met, and they may get so far inside of me that they leave a little tug in the base of my throat* but that's just me sharing something with the words I could never put together myself.
I don't think I need to know who I am to know what it takes for me to feel, what it takes for me to breathe, or what it takes for me to exist. I know I don't need to know. Because I can feel, breathe, and exist just fine right now. And right now...I have no idea who I am, what I want to be...or where I will be in 36.7 years. who cares?
right now. that's all that matters.
it's raining outside right now.