I'm.........
It's me & my Lyme against the house, and the house is winning.
This morning, I slept until at least 10:30. I got up, we got dressed, Mike took us to IHop for breakfast. After that, we stopped at Walgreens on the way home. Know what I had to do when we got home? Take a nap because going out exhausted me. Sheet. It was only about 1 or 1:30! I wanted to clean the house some, do laundry, SEW. I haven't been able to sew in MONTHS. I want to do cross-stitch. I want to LIVE.
I want to come home from work and not have to take a nap until 7 just so I can have enough energy to cook supper, help Ryan with his homework, maybe do a load of laundry, make sure the boys are clean (they won't take showers unless I harp on them. You'd think they were bachelors.....), and get Ryan to bed on time.
I want to live like I was living. I want "normal" back. I don't like this normal, THIS IS NOT THE NORMAL I KNOW AND LOVE. I want to be able to go out with the girls. I want to be able to go to family gatherings and help out, instead of sitting in a chair with a blanket on my lap. I want to help get the kids plates together and set them all down again. I want to stay and help clean up.
I'm a "doer," a helper-elf. I don't like NOT being a helper-elf anymore. Now I'm a lump. I sit like a bump on a log. I get to watch the babies, but that's easy. Watching the babies is the job they normally give to the old people. I'M NOT OLD.
I don't like being sick, and I want it to go away.
So far since I got up from my nap, I switched laundry over from the washer to the dryer (I set it to wash again before we went to IHop because it's a load I washed on Friday morning and didn't have the energy to put in the dryer) and did a sink full of dishes.
I still have so much to do so that we're not living in a pigsty.
I'm not depressed, which is surprising. That's why a lot of people who aren't around me a LOT (like the house next door, Mike & Ryan) do not know how sick I really am. They have no clue how much this is affecting my life. In public, I'm still my smiling and happy-go-lucky self. I'm not depressed.....I'm......angry? Upset? Pissed off? No, I don't think any of those are really describing it. Frustrated? Maybe that's closer to it. It's a feeling I've never had before, I guess because this is something I've never dealt with before.
I was talking with someone at work about things the other day. Mickey, my second supervisor, was listening. She didn't know how sick I am. She didn't know I had Lyme, she didn't know about the naps and such. She told me I couldn't be sick, they really needed me (everyone HATES my job and nobody wants to do it). I told her that I truly believed that if I didn't have a sit-down job, I wouldn't be there right now. I told her that I felt that if I was out working in the warehouse, I don't think I could be doing it. There's no heat in the warehouse (the cold really gets to me. Mike and Ryan are roasting, I keep the house at 80 or better), and we have 3 floors of inventory. I wouldn't be able to keep going up and down all those stairs, never mind picking up all those boxes.
If I read back posts from last Winter, I believe the Lyme was kicking my butt then, too, but I don't think it was kicking it this bad. Maybe it was. I think later I'll read back posts from last Winter. Maybe I'm having it better.
I'm still working on indexing all my posts to add tags.
This morning, I slept until at least 10:30. I got up, we got dressed, Mike took us to IHop for breakfast. After that, we stopped at Walgreens on the way home. Know what I had to do when we got home? Take a nap because going out exhausted me. Sheet. It was only about 1 or 1:30! I wanted to clean the house some, do laundry, SEW. I haven't been able to sew in MONTHS. I want to do cross-stitch. I want to LIVE.
I want to come home from work and not have to take a nap until 7 just so I can have enough energy to cook supper, help Ryan with his homework, maybe do a load of laundry, make sure the boys are clean (they won't take showers unless I harp on them. You'd think they were bachelors.....), and get Ryan to bed on time.
I want to live like I was living. I want "normal" back. I don't like this normal, THIS IS NOT THE NORMAL I KNOW AND LOVE. I want to be able to go out with the girls. I want to be able to go to family gatherings and help out, instead of sitting in a chair with a blanket on my lap. I want to help get the kids plates together and set them all down again. I want to stay and help clean up.
I'm a "doer," a helper-elf. I don't like NOT being a helper-elf anymore. Now I'm a lump. I sit like a bump on a log. I get to watch the babies, but that's easy. Watching the babies is the job they normally give to the old people. I'M NOT OLD.
I don't like being sick, and I want it to go away.
So far since I got up from my nap, I switched laundry over from the washer to the dryer (I set it to wash again before we went to IHop because it's a load I washed on Friday morning and didn't have the energy to put in the dryer) and did a sink full of dishes.
I still have so much to do so that we're not living in a pigsty.
I'm not depressed, which is surprising. That's why a lot of people who aren't around me a LOT (like the house next door, Mike & Ryan) do not know how sick I really am. They have no clue how much this is affecting my life. In public, I'm still my smiling and happy-go-lucky self. I'm not depressed.....I'm......angry? Upset? Pissed off? No, I don't think any of those are really describing it. Frustrated? Maybe that's closer to it. It's a feeling I've never had before, I guess because this is something I've never dealt with before.
I was talking with someone at work about things the other day. Mickey, my second supervisor, was listening. She didn't know how sick I am. She didn't know I had Lyme, she didn't know about the naps and such. She told me I couldn't be sick, they really needed me (everyone HATES my job and nobody wants to do it). I told her that I truly believed that if I didn't have a sit-down job, I wouldn't be there right now. I told her that I felt that if I was out working in the warehouse, I don't think I could be doing it. There's no heat in the warehouse (the cold really gets to me. Mike and Ryan are roasting, I keep the house at 80 or better), and we have 3 floors of inventory. I wouldn't be able to keep going up and down all those stairs, never mind picking up all those boxes.
If I read back posts from last Winter, I believe the Lyme was kicking my butt then, too, but I don't think it was kicking it this bad. Maybe it was. I think later I'll read back posts from last Winter. Maybe I'm having it better.
I'm still working on indexing all my posts to add tags.