Another Year Ending
I can never sleep anymore. It is 4:54 am, and I know I will not fall asleep until 6 am if I am lucky.
The night has always been my time.
I am laying in bed, and I am thinking about my sister. I do it when ever I am alone. So every night this month I have cried myself to sleep just about. Memories of her are the last thing that run through my head until I fall asleep, and I always hope I have a dream of her. They rarely come.
Today (New Years Eve) was the last day I saw my sister alive 2 years ago...and I hardly said good bye to her. If only I would of known...all the shit I would have done differently. I remember her senior year in high school, when she had the Senior All Night Party, and there was a psychic there. Erin told me how the psychic read her palm and said she would not live a very long life. When she told me that I remember laughing and saying "Thats wrong, I will definitely die before you do, you'll live forever." and her laughing saying that she thought that she was going to live forever too. You just never know.
There is so much that I need to tell her. So many words left unsaid from me. I regret that everyday that I live. It is a horrible burden to cary. I don't want to tell her in prayer, and no I don't think I would tell her in person either. I would write her a letter, give it to her, and walk away. I did that at her funeral, the letter didn't express all that needed to be, but I gave it to her anyway and walked away.
She still has yet to write back.
The night has always been my time.
I am laying in bed, and I am thinking about my sister. I do it when ever I am alone. So every night this month I have cried myself to sleep just about. Memories of her are the last thing that run through my head until I fall asleep, and I always hope I have a dream of her. They rarely come.
Today (New Years Eve) was the last day I saw my sister alive 2 years ago...and I hardly said good bye to her. If only I would of known...all the shit I would have done differently. I remember her senior year in high school, when she had the Senior All Night Party, and there was a psychic there. Erin told me how the psychic read her palm and said she would not live a very long life. When she told me that I remember laughing and saying "Thats wrong, I will definitely die before you do, you'll live forever." and her laughing saying that she thought that she was going to live forever too. You just never know.
There is so much that I need to tell her. So many words left unsaid from me. I regret that everyday that I live. It is a horrible burden to cary. I don't want to tell her in prayer, and no I don't think I would tell her in person either. I would write her a letter, give it to her, and walk away. I did that at her funeral, the letter didn't express all that needed to be, but I gave it to her anyway and walked away.
She still has yet to write back.