(no subject)
i just don't know anymore.... i thought things would be different, college was going to be amazing..i was going to leave high school and everything that defined high school. i was going to be able to leave my past and be the real me, the real Andrea...i wasn't going to care what people thought or said. i was going to be me no matter what. well i guess things don't always go as planned...idk what it is but i am just feeling so lost and alone. being here i feel out of place...its hard to explain..i mean i love college and being on my own..i love only having two classes a day and the freedom to do my own thing. yet a part of me feels that i just don't belong...i can't find my place..i can't be myself without feel like an outsider. maybes its the people im living with, or maybe its just me. i always have felt pretty comfortable with myself and who i am and what i believe in. its hard not knowing anyone and having no one know u and your background and your past. its hard not being able to say something and having at least one person understand. i need that...that understanding, that common bond, especially now...yet i can't find it...
so much has been running through my head that i can't keep it straight anymore...i can't even think. i don't know what to do, or say or even feel. i want it to stop..everything just needs to stop...i wish i could just stop thinking and analyzing everything, but i can't no matter how hard i try i can't. i guess that is just the way i am..and right now it sucks. oh how i wonder what life would be like if i didn't care so much...if i could just say screw it and go on living my life. would it be easier and less painful...im guessing yes, but i will never know a life like that..i guess im destined to go through life caring about everyone i meet..no matter what and just end up hurt some how in the end...at least i know that i have two people in my life that will never hurt me and i am so thankful for them everyday...i don't know what i would do with out them...i love u guys..
i just wish i could make this all go away and be happy again...and someday that will happen and hopfully soon....
4days!!!! i can't wait...i need you here more then you know....love u