Never feeling good enough
so today I was supposed to go help a friend out to make her daughter and nieces birthday cake , but as I have been sick all week my fiance put his foot down and said I am not to go , he said you will cough all over the food and get the girls sick .
He made me call her and tell her I am not coming ... This is one of the hardest situations for me telling someone that I cant make it or cant help them when I have told them I will ... I started to get stomach cramps and feel nauseous., sweaty and just felt completely shit .. So I called her to let her know she sounded so disappointed in me and it made me fell so bad. I am not strong enough to tell someone no .. like do you ever get those visitors where they call all the time and use you cause they are" bored" and know one else is free so you are the "last resort" that's what i like to call it.. because when they are "occupied and "Busy " you never hear from them ???
or the visitors that come when they have "problems " boyfriends . girlfriends problems" or just all "problems.. and they literally pour there whole;e guts to you making you feel so sorry for them and how this is the most tragic experience in life ... "the world will end""... they bring you down to the hole sort of throw there feelings at you and then they leave happy and off to somewhere else .. while you sit there and think oh poor thing thinking wow they must be such a good friend to come here to tell me there problems I must mean so much to them ..
BULLSHIT .. no they came to depress you they have no other people who are idiots yourselves me!!!) who will sit there and listen to it .. Come on what do you think this is a fucking counseling session does it say therapist on my head .. okay once twice three times four ,.5 ,6 7, 8 , 9 ... but it seemed this one person was doing this for 2 years to me every 2nd month or so she would come and pour out her shit and leave!!.. or another person comes and crashes at my house stays and then you dont see her for 4 weeks ,.. I mean is this how a friendship is meant to be..
It all comes down to self esteem , not FEELING GOOD ENOUGH TO SAY NO!! wow it is so easy on here to say no . no i do mind if you borrow my shoes and stretch ,, no that is my eyeshadow why make a lie your aunty gave it you ,, when the name on it is from the school i used to do makeup artistry ..
No its not find if you come tonight im sorry but hey im just buggered and do not want to listen to you sad stories.
It just seems like it is getting worse the FEELING NOT GOOD ENOUGH , you see i bought my friends daughter and her niece two coll presents which i think are great for a 4 year old and 2, both similar but for different age group ,..... anyway I am in the middle of wrapping them and all of a sudden I think shit what happens if it is a lousy present if they dont like it maybe its not good enough for them and my head just goes completely in to a panic .. I mean I spent decent amount of money and so forth but yet i feel like it just may not be good enough,
Two other friends of mine , one married the other getting married in 4 months , pretty well off always talking about money this and money that... what they need to buy who will buy it how they need more money... and it is not just the girls it is there partners who are like this to just not so bad... well anyway they like me even more now since I have been in a relationship which is one and half years.. as now we have "so much in common".. but my man aint like that we dont care about money right now we are not working I am a student and he was too but chose to follow another career path.. so we dont have money to go for big expensive dinners which we hate any way .. we are simple and love bargains and specials!! we dont car about name brands hey take me to an op shop and ill be fine.. anyway i keep going off the track guess cause there is so much thet i wanna type down.. what i was getting to before i got side tracked is now we are not good enough to go for dinners or what not .. we are not in there hierarchy ... they slowly slowly have drifted off just them two mind you i knew one of them since i was 5 .. the calls have stopped and what not .. so anyway i finally saw them this week and I told them we are moving renting of course .. and one of them said why dont you just rent in a caravan park?? its cheap!! she mentioned this neighbor of hers was who are like the biggest Aussie pigs moving to one.. well i know what she thinks of me then ??... I dont feel good enough being around them and I dont think I ever will be able to .. .. Maybe its time I just forget them to!!!!
He made me call her and tell her I am not coming ... This is one of the hardest situations for me telling someone that I cant make it or cant help them when I have told them I will ... I started to get stomach cramps and feel nauseous., sweaty and just felt completely shit .. So I called her to let her know she sounded so disappointed in me and it made me fell so bad. I am not strong enough to tell someone no .. like do you ever get those visitors where they call all the time and use you cause they are" bored" and know one else is free so you are the "last resort" that's what i like to call it.. because when they are "occupied and "Busy " you never hear from them ???
or the visitors that come when they have "problems " boyfriends . girlfriends problems" or just all "problems.. and they literally pour there whole;e guts to you making you feel so sorry for them and how this is the most tragic experience in life ... "the world will end""... they bring you down to the hole sort of throw there feelings at you and then they leave happy and off to somewhere else .. while you sit there and think oh poor thing thinking wow they must be such a good friend to come here to tell me there problems I must mean so much to them ..
BULLSHIT .. no they came to depress you they have no other people who are idiots yourselves me!!!) who will sit there and listen to it .. Come on what do you think this is a fucking counseling session does it say therapist on my head .. okay once twice three times four ,.5 ,6 7, 8 , 9 ... but it seemed this one person was doing this for 2 years to me every 2nd month or so she would come and pour out her shit and leave!!.. or another person comes and crashes at my house stays and then you dont see her for 4 weeks ,.. I mean is this how a friendship is meant to be..
It all comes down to self esteem , not FEELING GOOD ENOUGH TO SAY NO!! wow it is so easy on here to say no . no i do mind if you borrow my shoes and stretch ,, no that is my eyeshadow why make a lie your aunty gave it you ,, when the name on it is from the school i used to do makeup artistry ..
No its not find if you come tonight im sorry but hey im just buggered and do not want to listen to you sad stories.
It just seems like it is getting worse the FEELING NOT GOOD ENOUGH , you see i bought my friends daughter and her niece two coll presents which i think are great for a 4 year old and 2, both similar but for different age group ,..... anyway I am in the middle of wrapping them and all of a sudden I think shit what happens if it is a lousy present if they dont like it maybe its not good enough for them and my head just goes completely in to a panic .. I mean I spent decent amount of money and so forth but yet i feel like it just may not be good enough,
Two other friends of mine , one married the other getting married in 4 months , pretty well off always talking about money this and money that... what they need to buy who will buy it how they need more money... and it is not just the girls it is there partners who are like this to just not so bad... well anyway they like me even more now since I have been in a relationship which is one and half years.. as now we have "so much in common".. but my man aint like that we dont care about money right now we are not working I am a student and he was too but chose to follow another career path.. so we dont have money to go for big expensive dinners which we hate any way .. we are simple and love bargains and specials!! we dont car about name brands hey take me to an op shop and ill be fine.. anyway i keep going off the track guess cause there is so much thet i wanna type down.. what i was getting to before i got side tracked is now we are not good enough to go for dinners or what not .. we are not in there hierarchy ... they slowly slowly have drifted off just them two mind you i knew one of them since i was 5 .. the calls have stopped and what not .. so anyway i finally saw them this week and I told them we are moving renting of course .. and one of them said why dont you just rent in a caravan park?? its cheap!! she mentioned this neighbor of hers was who are like the biggest Aussie pigs moving to one.. well i know what she thinks of me then ??... I dont feel good enough being around them and I dont think I ever will be able to .. .. Maybe its time I just forget them to!!!!