you can't always get what you want
Lindsey hadn’t stopped smiling since Christian was born, and it warmed my unbeating heart to see them together nearly as much as my pregnancy had sickened me. In the past days, I’d realized that it didn’t matter who the father was -- the boy was my child through and through, and I was utterly attached to him.
But I knew that it couldn’t last. For so many reasons, I could never be a mother to this child and he didn’t deserve the pain I was destined to bring to his life. My demon face calmed him now, made him giggle -- but years would pass and he’d have questions that I wouldn’t want to answer. Why his mother won’t get older. Why she couldn’t come to his baseball games that took place in the day. Why there was a constant trail of bodies following her.
It was ironic and tragic, really, that the one person I’d ever cared about was the one person I couldn’t be near. The one person I needed to protect. Luckily he had Lindsey, who’d gone absolutely insane for the child and was determined to be Christian’s father. Angel couldn’t have cared less. He was just relieved to have somebody else to pawn my child off on so that he could keep on with his current hobby of sleeping with anybody that moved.
Lindsey would be good for him, though. Lindsey would push him to greatness and make sure that he knew what his mother had loved him so much that she walked away. I just hoped that Lindsey could understand the necessity.
As soon as I put Christian to sleep, I went to find Lindsey. The three days I’d spent with him were three days too many. I was already attached. I found him with the baby, sitting by the crib. I walked in silently and looked at Christian sleeping for the last time, before turning to Lindsey.
“He’s yours now, Lindsey,” I said, bringing my face close to his and speaking in soft tones so as not to disturb my baby. “Take good care of him.”
But I knew that it couldn’t last. For so many reasons, I could never be a mother to this child and he didn’t deserve the pain I was destined to bring to his life. My demon face calmed him now, made him giggle -- but years would pass and he’d have questions that I wouldn’t want to answer. Why his mother won’t get older. Why she couldn’t come to his baseball games that took place in the day. Why there was a constant trail of bodies following her.
It was ironic and tragic, really, that the one person I’d ever cared about was the one person I couldn’t be near. The one person I needed to protect. Luckily he had Lindsey, who’d gone absolutely insane for the child and was determined to be Christian’s father. Angel couldn’t have cared less. He was just relieved to have somebody else to pawn my child off on so that he could keep on with his current hobby of sleeping with anybody that moved.
Lindsey would be good for him, though. Lindsey would push him to greatness and make sure that he knew what his mother had loved him so much that she walked away. I just hoped that Lindsey could understand the necessity.
As soon as I put Christian to sleep, I went to find Lindsey. The three days I’d spent with him were three days too many. I was already attached. I found him with the baby, sitting by the crib. I walked in silently and looked at Christian sleeping for the last time, before turning to Lindsey.
“He’s yours now, Lindsey,” I said, bringing my face close to his and speaking in soft tones so as not to disturb my baby. “Take good care of him.”