Insane (Joncer oneshot)
May 28'th, 2006
I woke up sweating. I woke up almost afraid. I had that feeling that I was being watched again, except it was slowly going away. I turned on my lamp besides my bed to see no one was in my room, but my window was open. Strange, I thought it was closed and locked before I went to bed. I turned to see my alarm clock said it was three in the morning before I got up to shut the window. I lived in an apartment building, and my room was on the fifth story. With this fire escape outside my window, I never left it open. That wasn't safe when you lived in Los Angeles. As I was shutting the window I whispered to myself,
"Get ahold of yourself, Spencer... You probably did leave the window open..." When the window was firmly shut and locked, I sat on the edge of my bed and sighed deeply in thought. I was starting a tour tomorrow. I needed all the sleep I could get, and feeling like I was being watched was no help. Also, the stress of Brent not being such a good bassist lately wasn't good either. He was our friend, and he did find Brendon, but he just was getting so lazy on tours now. The stress continued to build. On the upside, the creepy feeling was gone. I crawled under my covers and closed my eyes. Attempting to go to sleep, and hoping a fangirl didn't get into my room...
When I woke up the next morning I looked over to my window to see it closed the way it should be. Maybe I had been dreaming. I prayed that I had been dreaming. Being the drummer in Panic! at the Disco, and leaving a window open was not smart. I shook away the fear and got dressed. After breakfest I got my bags and drove where we were going to meet. The two tour busses were parked in front of a recording studio's parking lot. It was a pretty big lot. The second bus was for The Academy Is..., a band that would be our opening. They were from Chicago, but got a plane over here. They had been here for about a week. As I pulled into the lot and parked, Brendon ran up to my car. As I got out he asked,
"Need help carrying bags?" I nodded my head yes. As we were carrying my bags onto our bus Brendon laughed,
"God, Spencer, do you have dead bodies in these bags?" As I finally dropped my bag onto a seat on our tour bus I said,
"If you're not careful then yes, I will." Brendon smiled at me,
"Is that a threat, Smith?" I smiled back,
"Only if you want it to be." Ryan came out of no where and asked,
"Who is ready for a tour?" Brendon groaned,
"Nobody..." He then fell dramatically onto the couch on the opposite side of where my bags were and sighed,
"On a tour bus most of the time doesn't sound like fun. What am I to do?" Ryan sat next to Brendon's head and replied,
"What, am I not good enough for you?" Brendon looked up at Ryan and smiled,
"Of course you are." Ryan then leaned over to kiss Brendon. I sat down next to my bags and sighed. Those two were lucky. They had each other. What did I have? A creepy "I'm being watched" feeling every now and then. Brent came onto the bus, and as he dropped his stuff onto the ground he sighed,
"Brendon, Ryan, really?! If I have to watch you two making out everyday, then I am so gonna kill you two." Brendon threw a pillow at Brent as he said,
"Then go in the back, killjoy!" Brent's face grew red. He threw the pillow onto the ground as he growled,
"Fine then. I will." As he left, Brendon propped himself up on his shoulders and laughed,
"That guy has anger problems. He can't take a joke!" Ryan played with Brendon's hair as he replied,
"I don't think people like pillows to be thrown at their face, Bren." Brendon slowly layed his head on Ryan's lap as he said,
"No, just Brent." Ryan shook his head, then looked up at me and asked,
"So, what's with you?" I began to tap my fingers on the couch and looked away as I whispered,
"Nothing..." Ryan tsked,
"I've known you forever Spencer, and you know I won't let that fly by..." I looked back at Ryan and uncomfortabley said,
"Lately I've been feeling like... Like someone is watching me." Ryan laughed,
"What do you expect, Spencer? You're in Panic! at the Disco! We're so popular right now! It's probably just some fangirl." Brendon shouted,
"OH THAT'S SO CUTE! LUCKY YOU, SPENCER!" Ryan flicked Brendon's nose as he said,
"Shh, Brendon." Brendon rubbed his nose as I said,
"But, Ryan... I woke up with my window opened last night! It was shut when I went to sleep!" Ryan looked at me as Brendon continued to rub his nose while whispering ow. After a few moments of Brendon's ows, Ryan replied,
"You need to move to a new place, Spence." I shrugged,
"Yea... I do..." Ryan smiled,
"When we're back you can stay with me until you get a new place." Before I could reply, Brendon squeaked,
"But Ryan..." Ryan playfully hit Brendon as he replied,
"You can go a few days without sex." Brendon sighed,
"Spencer, you have no idea how much I like you... Or else I wouldn't be doing this. I know if it were for Brent-"
"What?" We all turned to see Brent back. I smiled,
"Oh, we're just talking about how great a bassist you are." Saving Brendon wasn't easy... Brent eyed me angrily as he responded,
"No you weren't. What kind of band talks bad behind other band member's backs?!" He stormed to the back again. Ryan looked down at Brendon and sighed,
"Now look what you did. You made an angry bassist."
.:-:. .:-:.
The first place we stopped, the creepy feeling came back. I felt so strange. It hit me once we got out of the bus. I ran up to Ryan and whispered,
"The feeling is back, Ryan..." Ryan smiled,
"Spencer, we're about to preform. Of course you feel like someone is watching you! You're probably just feeling stage fright." I nodded my head,
"Yea... That's probably it..."
The Academy Is... played before us, and as we were going onstage their bass technician, Jon waved at me. I waved back. He was kinda cute, but I had bigger things to worry about. When I got onstage everything seemed so normal. It felt normal to be up there, yet why did this feeling stay with me? Probably because there was thousands of fans staring back at me. I played with everything I had, and the crowd was happy. After our preformance, Brendon suggested we go out to eat. Ryan shrugged,
"Sounds good to me." I looked at the two of them as if they were crazy and said,
"But what if we bump into fangirls?" Brendon shrugged,
"So, we'll make their night and sign stuff. Calm down Spenny." Brent stayed on the bus that night. Brendon got to pick the resteraunt, and we got a cab to take us. When we arrived, the creepy feeling came back. As we sat down at a table I whispered to Ryan,
"I'm feeling uncomfortable again, Ryan..." He rolled his eyes,
"Calm down! Just enjoy the night!" I took Ryan's advice. The last thing I needed was to not enjoy my free time. After we ordered out meals, William came out of no where and said,
"Mind if a few more join?" Brendon smiled,
"No, of course not!" William smiled,
"Alright, thanks!" The rest of his band and Jon pulled up some exra chairs. Jon sat next to me. As he sat next to me the creepy feeling left. When I looked at him, I noticed how cute he really was. He smiled and said,
"Hi, my name's Jon." I smiled back,
"Yea, I know... Mine is Spencer." He laughed,
"So I've heard." I felt myself blush, so I quickly took a sip of water. For the rest of the night we talked to each other, and I got to know this Jon Walker guy more. He was pretty cool, but I felt so nervous around him. I constantly had to wipe my hands on a napkin. When we were leaving the resteruant Ryan whispered to me,
"I saw you checking out the Walker guy." I shrugged akwardly,
"No, I was just talking to him..." Brendon jumped up and down as he replied,
"You totally have a crush for him! You want me to tell William? I bet he'd hook you two up!" I felt my face blush as I quickly yelled,
"No!" Ryan and Brendon looked at me and Ryan laughed,
"Aww, Spencer's got a crush!" Brendon elbowed Ryan as he said,
"We just gotta make sure our boy uses protection." I covered my face as I groaned,
"You guys! Stop!" Ryan chuckled,
"Fine. But only because the cab is here. Once we get to the hotel, you have to tell me more about Jon."
That night in our room, I told Ryan I did have a little crush on Jon. He offered to help me, but I told him I wanted to do this on my own. He shrugged and told me he was proud I was taking matters into my own hands. As we were going to bed, I was happy we were on the top floor of the hotel we were staying at, because that meant no creepy feeling tonight.
I woke up, however around four in the morning. The feeling had returned. As I sat up in bed I swore I saw the door being closed. As my eyes adjusted to the room I saw everyone was in here. I slowly got out of my bed so I wouldn't wake Brent, and went over to Brendon and Ryan's bed. I shook Ryan for a few moments before he woke up and whispered,
"What..?" I leaned to get closer to him as I whispered back,
"I just woke up to seeing our door being closed. That creepy feeling is back." Ryan put his face into his pillow and moaned,
"It was probably just some maid, Spencer!" I shook my head,
"No Ryan, I don't think they work at four in the morning." He turned to look at me and whispered,
"So you think a fangirl found a way to open a hotel door?" Ryan's sarcasm was right... It was probably just some weird maid. I told him I was sorry and tried to go back to sleep. The feeling had finally gone.
.:-:. .:-:.
On the tour bus I wouldn't feel the stalker feeling, but everywhere else I would. Everytime Jon was around that feeling completely left me. I guess it was because I had seriously grown to love this guy. He made me feel calm. What Ryan wanted me to be. Ryan noticed this too, and said I should already tell the guy I liked him. I couldn't becuase what if he was straight? Ryan said he didn't think Jon was straight. Half way through our tour Brent got fed up with us and left. He freaking left! Our only bassist! So, that is when we decided to all talk to Jon. We wanted to know if he would be our new bassist. We talked to William first, and he said sure. So, before our next preformance, we all talked to Jon...
"So, do you know all of our songs?" Ryan asked. Jon smiled,
"Yea! I learned them all on bass! They're so cool!" We were all sitting in our dressing room. Brendon smiled,
"Well then, welcome to Panic! at the Disco, Jon!" Jon's eyes filled up with happiness as he asked,
"Are you serious? Just like that? I'm in the band?!" Ryan nodded his head as he laughed,
"Yea Jon. You're in the band!" Jon stood up to shake all of our hands as he said,
"Thanks! This means so much!" As he sat down Ryan smiled,
"No problem, Jon. It means a lot that you can do this on such short notice. You might want to practice, we preform in two hours." Jon smiled back,
"I think I can do that." Brendon stood up as he said,
"Well, now that we have that all fixed up, who wants to get something to eat? I am so hungry and I'm craving chocolate." Ryan stood up and replied,
"I know right? Let's go get some chocolate!" As I was standing up to follow, Jon said,
"Can I talk to you Spencer? Alone?" Ryan winked at me as he left with Brendon. I sat back down. Jon had been sitting across from me, but he then sat next to me once they left. I looked at him, and I could feel my palms sweating again. Jon smiled,
"Spencer... I don't really know how to say this..." Was he going to ask me out? My heart was pounding a million miles per hour. Jon looked away from me. My voice quivered as I asked,
"What is it, Jon?" He turned back and smiled,
"I was wondering if... If after tonight's concert you'd go out to eat with me?" I felt my face blush. He looked away and sighed, "Yea, I was afraid you'd turn me down." I quickly responded,
"No, no, no, Jon! I mean yes! Yes I will go out to eat with you tonight! Is this a date?" He looked back at me and smiled,
"Of course it is! What else would this be?" I smiled back at him as I said,
"Wow, this is great! I can't believe this!" Jon shrugged,
"Yea, I didn't think you'd say yes... You almost got me there..." I didn't know what to say. I was in pure shock. Jon continued, "Well, I have to practice Spencer, and I know you do too so..." I stood up and replied,
"Oh yea, of course! Sorry!" He stood up next to me and smiled,
"No problem. So I'll see you after the concert?" I attempted to smile back,
"Uhh, yea. Of course." He continued to smile at me, then leaned foward to kiss me. Jon Walker kissed me! I was in heaven. As he pulled away he laughed,
"You blush so easily, Spencer! It's so cute." I laughed,
"Yea, well uhm, see you later!" He chuckled,
"Yea, I'll see you later."
.:-:. .:-:.
That night after the concert my date with Jon was wonderful. When I was with him I didn't feel like I was being watched at all. He made me feel so comfortable. I was falling so hard for this guy. After our date, Jon took me to my hotel room and kissed me. He smiled then left for his room. Even though he was in our band he still stayed with The Academy Is... I was so happy he made that decision, because I wouldn't have been able to sleep with Jon next to me. I'd be too nervous. That night when I went to sleep I woke up around two in the morning. That feeling was back. Even with Jon just down the hall, I had already gotten the feeling back! I looked around the room once my eyes got use to the dark, and I saw Brendon and Ryan snuggling in their bed. Everything was fine, yet I felt so strange. The only places I couldn't see were the dark corners, but I assumed if there was a fangirl there, then she'd probably scream by now. I had to remember that no fangirl could actually get inside the hotel room. The only people who had another key to this room was William. That was because if there were an emergency, he could easily come get us.
But William wouldn't be in the corner, and no one else from his band would be either.
So, I must have had a bad dream. I couldn't remember what I had been dreaming about, but it must have been a simple nightmare. I snuggled back into the sheets telling myself that I was just crazy. As I closed my eyes and my breathing began to slow down, almost drifting off to sleep, I almost swore I heard the door open and shut. It must have been my imagination. I told myself it was just my imagination.
The next day we were on the road again, and I kept to myself. Brendon and Ryan didn't notice much since they were busy with each other. Ryan did eventually check on me, and I told him the same story, but he said I was just not use to fangirls. I couldn't help but think he was wrong. I decided that when we stopped at the next place I would talk to Jon. He always made me feel better.
When we stopped at the next state and got into our dressing rooms, I asked Jon if I could talk to him alone. He said sure, but he looked worried. I think he thought I wanted to break up with him after only one day. We found an empty dressing room and sat down. I was sitting across from him, and he continued to look worried. I was giving off wrong messages. I looked down at my hands and quietly said,
"Jon, I've tried to tell Ryan, but he think I'm crazy... I'm hoping you don't but... I just... I feel like every waking moment someone is watching me. Unless you're around. You make me feel so safe, but when you aren't... I just feel so..." I buried my face into my hands and groaned,
"Ohh, I'm crazy!" I felt Jon sit next to me and put his arm around my shoulder. I felt so safe in that one moment. Like no one could hurt me. He replied,
"Spencer, you aren't crazy! It's normal to feel that way if you're in a band." I looked at Jon and asked,
"Then why do I feel like the only one?" Jon shrugged,
"Because you're the only one who is normal. Spencer, you are normal. Trust me! You had me thinking that you wanted to break up, and this whole time you thought you were crazy? Spencer, you are fine. Trust me." I smiled a little as I replied,
"You don't think I'm crazy?" Jon smiled back,
"Of course not." I sighed in relief as I leaned over to hug him. While still hugging him I said,
"You are the only thing keeping me sane." Jon kissed my cheek and replied,
"I'm happy to be here for you, Spencer."
.:-:. .:-:.
As the tour went on, and the feeling kept coming and going, Jon offered to sleep with me, but I just couldn't say yes. I told him I just wasn't ready for that, and that I was a little nervous. Jon would smile and respect my decision. He was so good about everything. The tour was almost coming to an end after four months. I was happy, but also sad. That mean Jon would be leaving for Chicago, and our relationship would be long distance. That made me want him to sleep in the same bed as me, but I just couldn't. I couldn't force myself to do something I wasn't ready for. Brent was different, because he was just a friend. But to sleep with someone I love was an entirely different level.
At the last town Jon and I had one more romantic date together. We were sad this was our last tour date. We became so close. That night at the hotel we stayed at the feeling woke me up. I was so use to waking up like this, that I closed my eyes and tried to keep them shut. Even if the feeling was too much. The next day when we were driving home I was asleep most of the time, since the night before was restless...
We arrived back in Los Angeles really late into the night, so everyone in The Academy Is... was going to get a hotel before they headed back to Chicago. I confronted Jon before he left and said,
"Jon, how about you stay at my place?" Jon raised his eyesbrows as he asked,
"Seriously? You're ready for that?" I paused before I replied,
"It's the last time I'll see you for a while, so yea. I'm sure I'm ready." Jon smiled,
"Actually Spencer, I was thinking about moving here." I gasped,
"Seriously?! Jon, you can stay at my place until you get all of your stuff down here! I'll help you and everything! This'll be so perfect! You're so amazing, Jon!" Jon leaned forward and whispered,
"No, I believe you're more amazing..." He then kissed me. Brendon came out of no where and yelled,
"OOOOOH! LOOK AT THESE TWO LOVE BIRDS!" Ryan was next to him and elbowed Brendon while saying,
"Leave them alone, Bren." Brendon began to laugh as he rubbed his side. The two walked away to Brendon's car. Jon smiled,
"Well, I better tell William my plans before we leave." I nodded my head,
"Okay, I'll be putting my stuff into my car." By the time I was done putting my stuff in the trunk, Jon was back and I helped put his stuff into the back. We talked the entire way to my house, and while carrying our stuff into my apartment. When we were finally done, Jon looked around my apartment and said,
"Reminds me a lot of my apartment in Chicago. Nice and comfortable." I smiled,
"I'm happy you're comfortable. I'll show you to my bedroom." He followed me into my bedroom and when we entered he said,
"Did you want me to sleep on the couch, Spencer?" I turned to him and quickly responded,
"No, you'll be sleeping in here with me!" He got closer to me and smiled,
"That sounds great... So, I'm kinda tired... Wanna go to bed?" I replied,
"Sure. Let me just change into my pajamas." I left to go to my bathroom to change into my pajama pants, but never wore a shirt to bed. When I walked back into my room, Jon had changed too, but he had a shirt on. I blushed as I said,
"I really hope you don't mind." He laughed,
"Trust me, I don't." I laughed nervously. I was going to sleep with Jon for the first time. I never really slept in the same bed with someone I loved. It was a new experience for me. I turned off the lights and crawled into bed close to Jon. He was on top of me the second I got in. I quietly laughed,
"So much for being sleepy..." Instead of replying he began to kiss me. I seriously did not mind. We were getting really into kissing too, when Jon broke our kiss to breath. He was heavily breathing, but he whispered,
"Spencer, you know what I think is the cutest thing about you?" I was heavily breathing, but I gasped out,
"What?" Jon kissed my neck before he whispered into my ear,
"The way you sleep. You're so cute. Did you know that you're a heavy sleeper?"