The Progression of Intimacy
Title: The Progression of Intimacy
Characters/pairings: China/Russia
Summary: China and Russia's relationship grows ever more dysfunctional, and neither wants to be the first to back down.
The first time China invites Russia over, he knows everything must be perfect. He spends weeks preparing, panders to Russia’s every need, because hospitality is very important to China. It is the only way he can show his respected guest how very honoured he is to host him. But even more importantly, it gives China the pride of knowing that he has successfully offered a part of himself to the other country. And this gives China a special connection, a binding intimacy with Russia that no one else has.
Intimacy develops into a silent trust. Russia is thankful for China’s patience, maturity, wisdom; God knows there isn’t enough stability in his life. Russia loves all of China’s elegantly embroidered robes, his dainty slippers and intricate headpieces, miles of finely spun silk piles of jade but he thinks China looks best when they are alone and all of that oriental decadence has been delicately arranged at the side of the canopy bed, because Russia knows that he is seeing a part of China that the rest of the world has not, and this is what he cherishes most about their relationship, hoarding every soft curve and sharp angle of China’s porcelain body away in his memory as if he owned them.
Personally, China believes that love tinged with possession is more binding, more vivid and consuming, the only true love that exists. So when their love grows it is obviously natural for it to become not merely tinged but saturated with possession, like Russia’s hair is with water as China pulls him back into the bath. And “what are you doing?” asks Russia with his childish impatience, “I need to get back now, I have things to attend to,” but what is more important to him than China? Love is about possession and possession is about control, if China lets Russia get the upper hand then he will fall behind in their race to love each other more fervently.
Possession is about the ability to hurt the one you love, Russia suggests, and they both agree that this is beautiful and haunting and poetic, but neither of the two countries wants it to happen to them. It does. It was inevitable. Russia knows there is a very fine line between love and destruction, that is why he doesn’t see any real problem when he spits in China’s face or refuses to touch him or touches him too much or calls him by past lovers’ names. He is only proving his love in the one way they have left, and the greater the pain inflicted, the more China belongs to him, the more they belong to each other. And when China retaliates by screaming and tearing at every inch of Russia he can reach, all his patient maturity scorched in ancient flames, it only makes Russia love him more, it makes him need to hurt China more to demonstrate this love.
At some point, China realizes that what they have is no longer love, it has morphed into something else, something that is possibly even more intimate, dangerously intimate. But by that time, it is much too late to stop playing the game; China never surrenders. And until they can decide who is doing a better job of loving/destroying who, the game can declare no winner.
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A/N: must stop listening to emo music. ;____; Dysfunctional relationships were like all I wrote about in grade 12, but I think I've gotten worse at writing them (then again, is this a bad thing or a good thing?). Tell me what you like/hate? ♥
Characters/pairings: China/Russia
Summary: China and Russia's relationship grows ever more dysfunctional, and neither wants to be the first to back down.
The first time China invites Russia over, he knows everything must be perfect. He spends weeks preparing, panders to Russia’s every need, because hospitality is very important to China. It is the only way he can show his respected guest how very honoured he is to host him. But even more importantly, it gives China the pride of knowing that he has successfully offered a part of himself to the other country. And this gives China a special connection, a binding intimacy with Russia that no one else has.
Intimacy develops into a silent trust. Russia is thankful for China’s patience, maturity, wisdom; God knows there isn’t enough stability in his life. Russia loves all of China’s elegantly embroidered robes, his dainty slippers and intricate headpieces, miles of finely spun silk piles of jade but he thinks China looks best when they are alone and all of that oriental decadence has been delicately arranged at the side of the canopy bed, because Russia knows that he is seeing a part of China that the rest of the world has not, and this is what he cherishes most about their relationship, hoarding every soft curve and sharp angle of China’s porcelain body away in his memory as if he owned them.
Personally, China believes that love tinged with possession is more binding, more vivid and consuming, the only true love that exists. So when their love grows it is obviously natural for it to become not merely tinged but saturated with possession, like Russia’s hair is with water as China pulls him back into the bath. And “what are you doing?” asks Russia with his childish impatience, “I need to get back now, I have things to attend to,” but what is more important to him than China? Love is about possession and possession is about control, if China lets Russia get the upper hand then he will fall behind in their race to love each other more fervently.
Possession is about the ability to hurt the one you love, Russia suggests, and they both agree that this is beautiful and haunting and poetic, but neither of the two countries wants it to happen to them. It does. It was inevitable. Russia knows there is a very fine line between love and destruction, that is why he doesn’t see any real problem when he spits in China’s face or refuses to touch him or touches him too much or calls him by past lovers’ names. He is only proving his love in the one way they have left, and the greater the pain inflicted, the more China belongs to him, the more they belong to each other. And when China retaliates by screaming and tearing at every inch of Russia he can reach, all his patient maturity scorched in ancient flames, it only makes Russia love him more, it makes him need to hurt China more to demonstrate this love.
At some point, China realizes that what they have is no longer love, it has morphed into something else, something that is possibly even more intimate, dangerously intimate. But by that time, it is much too late to stop playing the game; China never surrenders. And until they can decide who is doing a better job of loving/destroying who, the game can declare no winner.
*
A/N: must stop listening to emo music. ;____; Dysfunctional relationships were like all I wrote about in grade 12, but I think I've gotten worse at writing them (then again, is this a bad thing or a good thing?). Tell me what you like/hate? ♥