"Racing Thoughts" - A Dirge one-shot
I scream. And immediately I scream more, over and over until my throat is bleeding and I'm still trying to coax the sound from my mouth, because I WANT that feeling, I NEED it, I can't LIVE without it, don't you understand? Please understand, I want-no, I need your understanding, all of it please, I promise I'll be good if you give me your understanding, if you let me know that you understand. I need to know, please tell me, tell me everything because I need to KNOW and I want you to tell me everything, everything you ever heard or thought or read or felt, ALL of it please I need all of it. I want to stop, I want the wanting to stop, I need to not need anything, because don't you understand I NEED IT! I NEED to stop NEEDING!
…
…you're not going to give me what I want, are you? Then at least please stay with me, keep me company because I need your company and if I don't get it I might die because I need it so badly…
Your shoulder feels warm. I want more of that. I want to feel warmth and I want to feel it all, I want to take the heat from the earth's core, I want all the heat in the universe until I'm so hot that I become the sun itself, no I want more than that I want more heat I just- hey what are you doing I don't want a hug, wait yes I do, I want to hug you for hours and keep hugging you for all eternity because it's what I want, you see, I want that so I must have it, I need it can't you see.
No, no, don't hush me, I don't want to be hushed I want to talk and yell and scream until all the glass in the world-the universe-infinity-shatters, and your ears bleed and oh no, no no no I don't really want that because I love you see I love you and I don't want your ears to bleed because I never want to hurt you, I never want to harm you in any way I want to love you and I want you to love me, please love me because I need your love and if I don't have it I think my very spark will stop beating because I'll die without you you see.
What, what do you mean listen, okay I'll listen, I'll listen to what you have to say and your voice because I want your voice, you have a beautiful voice and it's kind of calming I like being calmed it feels nice…hm?
No, no I'm not I just-
Oh ok right listen I'll listen to you. I want more of your voice.
……
Wow, I went a long time without talking I mean that was pretty long for me, are you proud of me? Because I want you to be proud and-oh, okay.
..can I have another hug?
Thank you, that made me happy, can I have another?
Oh, okay.
…Can I lean on your shoulder again, then? Please?
Mmm, you ARE warm. And I feel all warm inside.
Hm? What is it?
..
Okay, I'll try.
…
…you're not going to give me what I want, are you? Then at least please stay with me, keep me company because I need your company and if I don't get it I might die because I need it so badly…
Your shoulder feels warm. I want more of that. I want to feel warmth and I want to feel it all, I want to take the heat from the earth's core, I want all the heat in the universe until I'm so hot that I become the sun itself, no I want more than that I want more heat I just- hey what are you doing I don't want a hug, wait yes I do, I want to hug you for hours and keep hugging you for all eternity because it's what I want, you see, I want that so I must have it, I need it can't you see.
No, no, don't hush me, I don't want to be hushed I want to talk and yell and scream until all the glass in the world-the universe-infinity-shatters, and your ears bleed and oh no, no no no I don't really want that because I love you see I love you and I don't want your ears to bleed because I never want to hurt you, I never want to harm you in any way I want to love you and I want you to love me, please love me because I need your love and if I don't have it I think my very spark will stop beating because I'll die without you you see.
What, what do you mean listen, okay I'll listen, I'll listen to what you have to say and your voice because I want your voice, you have a beautiful voice and it's kind of calming I like being calmed it feels nice…hm?
No, no I'm not I just-
Oh ok right listen I'll listen to you. I want more of your voice.
……
Wow, I went a long time without talking I mean that was pretty long for me, are you proud of me? Because I want you to be proud and-oh, okay.
..can I have another hug?
Thank you, that made me happy, can I have another?
Oh, okay.
…Can I lean on your shoulder again, then? Please?
Mmm, you ARE warm. And I feel all warm inside.
Hm? What is it?
..
Okay, I'll try.