The Wings are Wide
He hurriedly locks the door.
He’s pretty sure they made it out, that his contacts are still good. At least Hiro had kept up his end of the bargain, though Mohinder thinks that has more to do with what Matt can do than anything Mohinder has to offer.
Mohinder is their oppressor, apparently. Mohinder is the man making everything difficult for them.
Hiro says he can change that. That he can make a bigger difference then he has.
Apparently, Matt’s the key.
He says that they can’t stay at this apartment for much longer, that the Network has set them up with a place to go to. That they need to pack up whatever they may need, get Molly and meet Hiro and rendezvous location.
They have to pack up their lives and go.
“This is a nice place,” Mat says.
He’s pacing around nervously and Mohinder wishes he would just sit.
“I suppose.”
“It feels… homey. Lived in, you know.”
“It’s all the toys.”
“And the crayon drawings. She’s… that’s very artistic.”
Mohinder nods.
“So, I’ve got to get packed. If you could just… sit? Missus Garber should be here with Molly any minute now. I don’t know how I’m going to tell her that she’s leaving another home,” Mohinder mutters.
Matt frowns.
“You haven’t told her yet?”
“It’s not exactly the kind of thing you bring up in casual conversation. I don’t think she’s that happy here anyway.”
“She’s a kid, Mohinder. Kid’s like to stay in one place.”
“Yes, I know, but eventually… how’s the medication working?”
Matt frowns at the sudden change of subject, but shakes his head.
“Fine, I guess. I don’t… I can’t hear anything. Which is a relief.”
Mohinder gives him a small smile.
“I can’t imagine.”
“It’s like, you hear this static all your life, for so long and you get used to it and then all of a sudden, someone fixes the antenna on your television set and you don’t hear it anymore.”
Mohinder frowns.
“It’s weird,” Matt adds.
“I… good weird, right?”
Matt looks around the apartment again and nods.
“Yeah, good weird. For now.”
“We’ll figure it out as we go along. I promise that if I can’t make more of the cure, if it fades or wears off or anything… I’ll figure out a way. Just…”
“Trust you, yeah, I know. I do. I’m just…”
“Just what?” Mohinder questions.
“I’ve gone so long with this that I’ve gotten used to just living it, Mohinder. I just… I don’t know what it’s going to be like not living it. I don’t know how long it’s going to last. I don’t want to get used to it and then have the rug pulled out from under me.”
Mohinder nods and walks over to Matt, pulls both of Matt’s hands away, keeps them from wringing and smiles.
“I promise that if this isn’t a permanent solution that I will find a way to fix this.”
“Your mind’s going a mile a minute,” Matt says.
Mohinder frowns.
“I thought…”
“I can’t it’s just… you are. I can just tell.”
Mohinder nods.
“God because I need you not to be crazy while we make our hasty getaway.”
Matt frowns.
“I thought we made it already?”
“This is the first part. The Company is going to figure we wouldn’t come here, but they’ll come here eventually. They didn’t want you to leave Matt.”
“How do you know they don’t already have Molly then?”
“Because they don’t. Hiro would have told me if they did. Look, so far everything is going according to plan, but who knows what the Company’s next move will be. They’re unpredictable.”
Matt nods.
“You’re taking a big risk.”
“I know. I just… you have to trust that I know what I’m doing okay.”
“I do,” Matt says.
He doesn’t even hesitate and Mohinder mentally thanks him for that even if Matt can’t hear him anymore.
“I’m just wondering who you’re trusting.”
“They’re good people,” Mohinder says.
“Yeah, I’m sure. I just…”
There’s a knock on the door that makes both of them jump. Mohinder frowns and runs to it. He looks through the peep hole and sees Molly and Mrs. Garber. He opens the door.
“Hello, Mrs. Garber.”
“Mister Suresh. I didn’t… Molly said you were home and to knock, but I just thought she was being hopeful.”
“We are home,” Mohinder says.
Mrs. Garber looks inside the apartment and sees Matt. Her eyebrows furrow.
“I can see that. Well…”
“Thank you for bringing her home, Missus Garber,” Mohinder says.
She glares at him and Matt, eyes peering inside the house. Her eyes land on the hasty backed bags by the door.
“Are you going somewhere?” She asks.
“Just on a small vacation. To get out of the city. I don’t know how long we will be gone for, so don’t worry about watching Molly for awhile. I’m sorry that this is so last minute,” Mohinder says as politely as he can.
Mrs. Garber doesn’t seem so soothed by it.
“I…”
“I think maybe you should leave now, Missus Garber. Mohinder is taking Molly on a very nice vacation. That’s all you need to know.”
She looks like she’s about to say something when she gets that glazed look on her face, the one that Mohinder’s seen before.
The one that says Matt’s using his powers.
“Uh… fine. I’m… have a nice trip Mister Suresh,” she says.
She leaves and Mohinder can see the confusion all over her face.
He turns to Matt.
“I’m sorry.”
“Not, it’s not… I mean… I didn’t know…”
“I didn’t either. I had to… it took a lot of work,” Matt says.
“I…”
He’s about to say more when Molly hugs him.
“You’re home early,” she says.
Mohinder smiles.
“Yes, I am.”
“We’re going on a trip?”
Mohinder’s smile tightens.
“I… yes, we are.”
“We’re are we going?”
“I’m not quite sure yet.”
“It’s a surprise?”
“Sort of.”
“Oh.”
Molly gives him a bright smile and turns. Her attention focuses on Matt and Matt fidgets as Molly runs to him and hugs him.
“Hi,” Molly says.
She smiles brightly and Mohinder watches as Matt awkwardly pats her on the head.
“I remember you,” she says.
“Yeah, I… I wasn’t sure…”
“You’re the one that saved me from the bad man.”
“He was already gone by the time we got there. I just… I just found you,” Matt says.
“Are you coming with us on our trip?”
Matt smiles.
“Yeah, yeah I am.”
Molly’s smile lights up the room.
“Cool. Are we ready to go?”
“I don’t know. Why don’t you go and see if there’s anything I left that you want to take. We’re going to be gone for some time,” Mohinder says.
“Okay,” she says cheerily.
She runs to her room.
“Are you going to tell her that we might not be coming back?” Matt asks.
“Eventually.”
“Mohinder.”
“It’s hard enough that she has to leave. I want to at least let her ease into the idea. I will tell her, eventually. I just… we have to get out first.”
“Yeah. Okay. Let’s get out of here.”
~*~
Intellectually Mohinder knows he probably shouldn’t have gotten comfortable with his new life.
Things just don’t work like that, not after you’ve had to fight every step of the way.
Not when things are their lives.
But it had just felt so good, so normal. They’d spent a month barely breathing around each other, jumping at every creak and odd noise. Mohinder’s sure they’ve given Molly more complexes then a therapist can properly work out.
She’d been tough through it all, resilient and patient, cautious when necessary. She hadn’t pouted when she couldn’t go to school like a normal child, though Mohinder guesses an indefinite amount of time away from school would make any child happy.
She likes to sit with Matt, quite and listening to him read, though Mohinder suspects that it’s just stories he makes up completely with funny faces and voices. He’s read some of the books Molly thrusts at him and nowhere in them are there Indian princes and evil bald, glasses wearing ogres.
At the end of that month, that month that Mohinder doesn’t like to think about, Hiro had come to him.
“You’re safe,” he’d said.
Mohinder had frowned.
“How can you know that?” Mohinder had asked.
“Because we have people on the inside,” He’d said.
Like that should be word of God, like Mohinder wasn’t still going to freak out at random noises.
But Matt had taken it in stride, put on a brave face and pushed for Molly to start having a normal life, a life that included school and friends and talking to people other than Matt and Mohinder.
He’d been utterly terrified the first day Molly had gone to school, jumping and calling the school repeatedly to check that Molly was still there.
They think Mohinder’s crazy. Matt does most of the talking to the teachers.
Mohinder wonders what that says about him that the former mental patient does all the social talking.
He thinks Matt is adjusting though. He goes to town and smiles at little old ladies and starts conversations with mechanics at the gas station. He wanders off into the small woods area by their cabin and just breaths in the air.
He cleans the yard, fixes the pickup truck that he bought from said mechanic at the gas station, helps Mohinder with dinner even though he’s total crap at it. He smiles and he hip checks Mohinder when they’re cleaning dishes and flicks bubbles at him.
It’s good. It’s normal.
Mohinder should’ve known.
“Matt I…”
He walks into Matt’s bedroom. He hadn’t been outside, which Mohinder found weird, but Mohinder figures there’s only so much communing with nature a person can do.
He doesn’t expect Matt to be curled up in his bed, blankets and sheets wrapped tightly around him.
The room is a wreck.
“Matt?”
“Stop, don’t… just… God do you always think this loudly?”
Mohinder freezes.
“Matt.”
“Yes, fuck, yes it stopped… oh God it stopped. I can… I can hear everything.”
He walks over to Matt, his hand goes out and Mohinder wants to touch him, wants to ask what’s wrong, wants to ask how bad it is, if there still might be time for something.
Matt surprises him by jumping out of the bed like a shot. His hair is mussed and his eyes are wide, darting across the room quickly.
“Matt.”
“Stop thinking,” Matt shouts.
“I can’t,” Mohinder shouts back.
He doesn’t mean to, but things are slipping. Things are completely slipping after they’d just be so close to perfect and he’s probably losing it, which isn’t good for anyone.
“I know. God, I… I know. It’s not… it’s not that bad.”
“But it’s bad.”
Matt swallows and nods.
“I… for moments in time I can’t hear anything, but then… then I can hear everything. Mostly it’s just a buzz. Mostly I can just hear you, but there are moments when I can hear everything and… I tried you know. I tried to make the most of it because I knew this was going to happen, but I just… I can’t go back. I don’t want to go back.”
Mohinder frowns and quickly walks over to Matt, places his hands on Matt’s forearms and tries to let some of the strength he isn’t feeling bleed through into Matt.
“We’re going to fix this.”
“You don’t even know how.”
“We’ll figure it out. If the treatment doesn’t work then we’ll figure something out.”
“You don’t…”
“I didn’t do all this work just to watch you slip away. We will figure something out. Don’t worry…”
And suddenly Matt’s kissing him. It’s just a brush of lips really, nothing fierce or full of need and desperation like Mohinder sometimes experiences when he’s alone in his room and thinking about Matt.
Matt pulls away, eyes wide and he shakes his head.
“I’m sorry.”
“I…”
“Good, you’ve… you’ve been thinking about it. You’ve been thinking about it and I just… it’s not the only thing you’re thinking about. I know that. You’re… you’re always thinking about us and how this is going to work out and it just… filters through sometimes.”
“Matt, I didn’t mean.”
“I know you didn’t mean, but you’ve… you’ve wanted it and sometimes it’s completely overwhelming and sometimes it’s sickeningly sweet and I don’t know which one is worse..”
“I didn’t…”
“Yes you did.”
“Matt…”
“You’ve wanted to do that for awhile. Since before… since we were in that place. I know, okay. I know. Just… just don’t lie to me okay.”
Mohinder frowns.
“You weren’t supposed to be able to…”
“Fuck, who cares about that, Mohinder. I can know. I’m… there’s… its slipping okay. It’s not working anymore.”
Mohinder’s frown deepens. Intellectually, he knew this might happen. He knew because the cure had been experimental to begin with. So it’s not a surprise that it’s starting to not, that he’s starting to slip.
“Okay, look, we can… we can…”
But he’s cut off by Matt pushing him against the wall, by Matt’s lips brushing insistently against his own.
It’s rougher than he’d imagined because he’s let himself imagine this. Quietly, in his own mind even though he had known that Matt couldn’t hear him. Late at night when he can still hear Molly’s soft breathing through the baby monitor and Matt’s snuffling snore coming from the down the hall.
He’s imagined Matt’s lips on his own and how it would feel to have Matt’s hands on him and it was slightly gentler than this, but he can work with this too.
This is a bit more heated, but it’s still Matt and he can smell the shampoo that he bought at the local K-Mart and the decaf coffee and it’s all Matt, warm and surrounding him and it’s just so…
“No,” Matt says pushing him away roughly.
Mohinder frowns, eyebrows knitting together. He’s pretty sure his shoulder is going to be bruised and he’s not sure why Matt stopped because he hadn’t wanted him to stop.
“You… stop thinking.”
“I can’t,” Mohinder says.
“I know. God… I… you’re thinking and I don’t know if it’s me or if it’s you and I want…”
“What?”
Matt’s still really close. Mohinder can feel him breathing, can still smell his skin and his lips are red and swollen from their kisses. He looks so good and Mohinder’s always thought so, but now…
“That. I want… I want that.”
Mohinder takes a deep breath.
“I want…”
“Yeah, I know you want, but I don’t know if I want.”
“Oh.”
Mohinder feels like an idiot. Of course Matt doesn’t really want him. Of course it’s a projection, mind-reading, empathy thing. Of course…
“God stop thinking that, okay. It’s not… you’re… fuck it’s not you okay. It’s so not you. It’s me, okay. It’s always going to be me, Mohinder.”
“I don’t…”
“Don’t say you don’t care, okay. Don’t say the fact that I’m utterly fucked up in the head doesn’t matter to you because it does. It should alright.”
“Because I didn’t help you escape. Because I didn’t ruin my career and possibly my life for you. Because I’m not living in the middle of nowhere. Because all of that isn’t true, right? Because I haven’t already proven that it just doesn’t matter to me.”
“Mohinder.”
“Matt, I can’t… I can’t help feeling the way I do. I’m sorry about that. I can’t…”
“God you can’t love me alright. Because people how love me… they all end up a certain way okay. A certain dead way.”
“So I don’t love you.”
“Mohinder.”
“I don’t. I haven’t said it. I don’t love you. I mean I… I don’t.”
“You’re lying.”
“You’re using your powers. It doesn’t count.”
Matt snorts.
“Sometimes it’s the only thing that counts.”
“Not here, okay. Not between us. It doesn’t count. I don’t love you and you’re not going to hurt me. We’re just two people remember. Two people out in the middle of nowhere. I’m just a man with a daughter and a bunch of fake ids and credit cards with fake names on them and you’re just the guy along for the ride.”
Matt nods and Mohinder offers him a small smile.
And then Matt’s leaning in and Mohinder thinks maybe he’s going to kiss me again and he’s honestly not sure what he’d do if Matt did. But he doesn’t. He just leans in, head resting on Mohinder’s shoulder and then Mohinder gets it, pulls him closer until they’re actually hugging.
“It’s just, here’s the thing. I can’t… I can’t loose the two of you because you’re the only people that give a shit about me at this moment in time.”
“You’re not…”
“I’m screwing this up and now I’m slipping.”
“We will figure that out. I promised you that I would get you through this.”
“It’s not…”
“It is,” Mohinder says.
He tries to get him to understand, tries to get him to see that they aren’t going to leave Matt like this, that they’re going to try everything they can to fix this.
“Stop, I… I know. Some part of me knows.”
“So, you’ll… you have to try and trust me.”
Matt smiles.
“I do. I trust you.”
Mohinder smiles back.
“That’s all I can ask.”
~*~
Hiro had given him a way of contacting him.
Bury it, he’d said. Bury it and I’ll find it. He’ll check every day and, if Mohinder buries it, he’ll know and he’ll be there as soon as he can.
Mohinder’s not sure how the time travel works. He’s not sure how any of their powers work, but he does it because he thinks this is necessary.
Matt couldn’t even get out of bed the next day.
Hiro had told him that he should go to the diner in town the next day after he buried it.
“You showed up,” Mohinder says, voice full of surprise.
“I told you I would,” Hiro says.
He sits gracefully, with an ease that the present Hiro just doesn’t possess.
“I had doubts. I… honestly I don’t know how this whole thing works. Space and time. Aren’t you not ruining things by stopping by so much?”
Hiro tilts his head slightly.
“Yes, and no. Yes because if I see myself, things could get ugly. Though not as ugly as some science fictions show would have you think. No because I am just making things right.”
“But letting Peter blow up New York City?”
Hiro’s face is grim he shakes his head
“That time has passed. Ted Sprague is dead. That much had been predicted at least. But… he blew up Claire and her family to do it.”
Mohinder frowns.
“I thought…”
“That they had all escaped. That they were on the run. Claire escaped. As did her father. Claire wasn’t able to save all of them though. They are on the run now.”
“I didn’t…”
“Not many people do. It’s a secret for a reason. I think it’s part of the reason Nathan did not allow for Peter to stick around in New York long enough to see if Isaac Mendez’s predictions were going to come true. Claire was around with him a lot more.”
Mohinder nods.
“What’s wrong?”
“I…”
“You would not have called me if something were not wrong. What is it?”
“The medication isn’t working anymore.”
Hiro takes a deep breath and nods.
“Yes, we knew this was going to happen.”
“He’s not… he’s not going to last again. Right now it isn’t so bad, but he’s never… I can’t see him locked up like that again. Not after…”
“You care about him a lot.”
Mohinder nods.
“That is not a bad thing. Caring about someone. Matt is lucky to have you because this journey… it will be a difficult one. It was difficult for all of us, but people like him. People who can’t control their powers all that well like Peter… it is made much harder by this very fact.”
“But Peter can control his powers.”
“Yes, he can. It has taken him much training.”
“How…”
“He will teach Matt. You will go to him and he will teach Matt. I cannot guarantee that it will be successful. Matt may never be able to fully integrate into the world, but he will be able to have a somewhat normal life, free from the Company’s grasp.”
Mohinder nods.
“We’d have to move again.”
“Yes.”
Mohinder sighs.
“We just settled down here. I…”
“It has to be done.”
Mohinder takes a deep breath.
“I know.”
“It will be alright.”
“I know.”
But Mohinder really doesn’t.
~*~
“You’re packing,” Matt says.
“Very observant,” Mohinder says sarcastically.
“Why are you packing?”
“Because we have to leave.”
“Again?”
“Yes, again.”
“Why?”
Mohinder sighs.
“Because Hiro says we have to.”
“Hiro says you have to.”
“Yes.”
He throws a few more things into his bag. He’s going to work on Molly’s room next. She’s going to be so angry with them, but they have to leave. It’s what Hiro said.
“Whoa, slow down, okay. Slow down and talk to me or I’m gonna think that you’re trying to do all this alone instead of us being a team.”
“I… I’m sorry. It’s just… Hiro said that the Company hasn’t given up, that they’re still searching and you with your powers going crazy…”
“What are we supposed to do?”
“Hiro has sent us to see Peter.”
“Peter?”
“Petrelli.”
“He’s… he’s still alive?”
“Very much so. He… he sort of runs a halfway home for people with powers. Matt… I don’t know how much you know about the situation right now. I know that you can hear the Company people saying things, but I… they only let me keep Molly because I promised them a more effective weapon.”
“The cure.”
Mohinder frowns.
“I… they said they were going to only use it on people who were a danger. They had a vision for the world. A vision that included all of you and when… when you went crazy and didn’t introduce Ted Sprague to Peter Petrelli, it made it so there plan was foiled. They had to find another way.”
“And that way was to make it so we all don’t have powers.”
“Not all of you. At least that’s not what they said.”
“Mohinder…”
“You know why I did it Matt. You know, so don’t…”
Matt’s on him in seconds, hugging him and petting his arms, his face.
“I do know.”
“She’s going to hate me.”
“She is not.”
“When she finds out…”
“You’re trying to fix it. You’re trying to save her. You’re trying to save me.”
“She likes it here.”
Matt’s fingers trail down his face. His skin tingles at the contact and he knows he’s not supposed to be thinking it, but he’s been doing good.
He thinks he’s allowed a moment of weakness when Matt is on him like this, so close and warm and comforting.
“She’ll like it there too. She’s very smart. She knows why we’re doing this. She’ll be sad, but I don’t think she’ll be resentful. She loves you, Mohinder.”
“She loves the both of us.”
Matt’s fingers trace patterns on his neck and Mohinder swallows.
“Yeah, it’s great, isn’t it,” Matt says.
“Extremely.”
Matt’s fingers stay on him for a few more seconds before they pull away. Matt clears his throat and straightens.
“And we have to leave?
“Hiro said that Peter can help you control your powers. It’s the best option we have. I don’t think I can replicate the drug without an of the ingredients.”
“Mohinder.”
“They’re controllable, Matt. Molly and Peter and Hiro… they’ve proved it. The rest of the people… they’ve proved it, Matt. It can be done.”
“They weren’t killers, Mohinder.”
“You’re controlling them right now Matt. Right as we’re talking. You could make me do anything you wanted me to right now, make me think anything I want and you’re not.”
“Mohinder.”
“You’re not.”
Matt shakes his head.
“If it doesn’t work.”
“It will.”
“You don’t know that. We’re out in the middle of nowhere with no voices…”
“You can hear them in town.”
Matt frowns.
“Sometimes, but they’re far. It’s not… it’s not that bad. But if you put me around all sorts of other people…”
“You have to trust me, Matt.”
“Why are you doing this?”
Mohinder squeezes his eyes shut a bit and he clasps his fingers in Matt’s, squeezes it gently and he knows that Matt’s still having problems control himself and his powers, but he’s trying.
It’s all they can go on at the moment because they have to get away now. The Company is looking for them and they’re going to keep looking for them so they have to run.
“Because.”
“Stop thinking that.”
“Matt…”
“You can’t do this if you think it’s going to result in some sort of fairytale Mohinder. I’m kind of too damaged for that to happen.”
“Even if…”
“You’re thinking too loudly. But, more importantly, you’re thinking in too many big words and it’s fucking my zen up.”
“I’m sorry.”
“I know you are. But… you can’t do this because of that. You have to give me another reason to screw over you and Molly like this. Something that doesn’t include… that.”
“I…”
“Mohinder.”
“I’m doing this because it’s the right thing. Because I spent the better part of a year helping them when all they’re doing is playing god and now I have a chance to change things. This underground movement… a lot of very powerful people are involved and they can help you, Matt. They can help Molly too because I… I don’t have powers. I can’t…”
Matt frowns.
“You’re serious.”
“Yes. I’m not stupid. That…. That isn’t the only reason I’m doing this.”
“But it’s a reason.”
He doesn’t pose it as a question and that would irritate Mohinder a little bit if they weren’t always in each other’s pockets anyway.
“I haven’t lied to you yet, Matt, so I’m not going to start now. Yes, it’s a reason. Of course it’s a reason. How could it not be a reason? But I promise you that it’s not the only reason. I’m not a man prone to flights of fancy okay, but ever since my father died, I seem to be doing them a lot more often.”
Mohinder clears his throat and Matt’s looking straight at him. Really looking. The kind of looking that means he’s not lost in his own head because he can hear everything going on around him.
“And I never know if what I’m doing is the right thing or not. But this feels like the right thing. Not just because it can help you, but it can help Molly as well. And all the other people out there like you. So I may be doing this for all the wrong reasons, but I know it’s the right thing to do.”
Matt takes a deep breath.
“I’m just so afraid that I’m taking you down.”
Mohinder steps forward and puts his hands on Matt’s cheeks, feels Matt’s skin and he can go back and forth with Matt on this forever, try and get him to believe that Mohinder needs to help him just as much as Matt needs help.
“I’m not going to let us drown.”
“I’ll try and stay afloat as much as I can.”
Part Four