Remember - Chapter 15
I love you. I love you. How can those words even be muttered? I never thought it was possible for someone to say it and mean it, but he assured me that he meant it. I had no idea what to say, so we sat there in awkward silence before my dad came in and Grant excused himself. Now I’m laying in bed starring up at the ceiling, pissed off for god knows what reason. Sitting up, I place my feet on the cold floor, and hang my head. I’m feeling sick and ever time I move, I feel my stomach in my throat. Closing my eyes, I open them slowly, pain radiating through my entire body. My breathing is starting to go rapid again, and I run to the bathroom, just in time to vomit up what little food I have left in my stomach.
Falling back against the side of the tub, I hold my head in my hands and close my eyes. Once the spinning stops, I pull myself up, using the counter and walk out into the hallway, where I can hear my parents fighting again. Stepping lightly down the steps, I lean against the joining wall between the living room and the kitchen, listening to them argue.
“She’s just going through withdrawals, Kristine.”
“Then get her help. But I want her away from my boys.”
“She needs her family.”
“She needs help.”
“And what kind of help are you thinking about?” I hear my dad say, annoyance in his voice.
“Professional help, Jason. She needs professional help!”
I hear a loud thud and I peek around the corner, trying not to be seen. My dad picks up a large folder from the table, and opens it. Closing it after a few moments, he drops the folder on the table and runs a hand over his face. He walks around the kitchen for a bit while my mom just glares at him, her arms crossed.
“There is no way in hell that I’m sending her to a rehab center.” he grounds out through clenched teeth.
“She needs help. Help that you can’t give her.” my mom yells.
“I’m not fucking sending her away!”
“Why? Because it will look bad if people find out that you sent your druggie daughter away? Let me guess, the show ratings will go down!”
“I’m not worried about the fucking show, Kristine. I’m worried about our daughter! Do you have any idea what happened to her? Why she started this shit in the first place?!"
“YOUR daughter, Jason. Until she’s clean, she is not my daughter and I want her out of our house and way from Austin and Logan!”
My mom stomps out of the room and up the stairs, not even taking notice of me. Dad comes out, walking right past me towards the bottom of the stairs.
“I’m not sending her away!” He yells up the stairs. A door slams upstairs and dad runs a hand over his face. He starts back towards the kitchen and stops in mid step, finally seeing me. He licks his lips nervously and swallows the lump in his throat. “Matti, she didn’t mean it.” I hug myself, nodding sharply. I walk past him without a word and open the front door. I hear him follow me out onto the porch. “Where are you going?”
I ignore him, walking down the steps onto the wet walkway. I didn’t realize it was raining until now, but I don’t mind. It will be harder for him to see me crying. I continue walking, not paying attention to where I’m going until I feel a hand on my arm. My dad spins me around, worry in his eyes. I can tell by the look on his face, he’s taking in my appearance for the first time. And why wouldn’t he be? With my pale skin, discolored hair, white lips and dark circles under my eyes, I look like I’m just a few seconds from death. And with the rain pouring down, it shows just how thin I actually am compared to when I left.
“She didn’t mean what she said Matti.” he says, trying to be heard over the sound of the pouring rain.
“Yes she did! She meant it and you guys are going to send me away! I never should have come back!” I yell, tears now streaming down my face.
“I’m not sending you away, Matti! What your mother said…”
“…was true.” I finish for him.
I pull away from him and walk a couple of feet away so he’ll have a harder chance of grabbing me if I decide to run. I can’t stop the tears that are flowing down my face now and I run my hands through my hair to keep it out of my face, but the rain just washes it back. He moves to hug me but I shove him. “You don’t get it! She was right, I need help!”
“And we’re going to help you!” He yells as the rain picks up almost drowning out everything we’re saying. “I’m not sending you away!”
I stare at him, anger building up inside me. “It’s all for the show, isn’t it?”
“What? What’s all for the show?”
“Everything!” I yell through the rain. “You guys fight all the time, but you act like you don’t for the show! We’ve tried getting you to lose weight for your health for years and you always said no! Then when the show comes along, you lose 40 pounds just like that! And now you don’t want to send me away, I’m guessing because mom was right. It’s for the show! Image is everything for you now. Nothing else matters except the fucking show!”
Finally snapping, he back hands me across the face, causing me to fall to ground, which allows me to notice that we’re no longer on the sidewalk, but in the middle of the road. He crouches down, grabbing my shoulders and shaking me.
“I may do a lot of shit for the show, but taking care of you is not for it! I’m not sending you away because I might fucking lose you and I don’t want to go through that hell again! And do you have any idea how much I want to find the son of a bitch who raped you and rip his throat out? Do you have any idea how painful it is to know you've been through something like that and have had to deal with it alone for so long? All I want to do is kill him; make him pay for what he did to you. But you need help first. You’re my daughter, Madison! I’m not going to fucking lose you again! Do you understand? The show doesn’t mean shit to me compared to you!”
***The Next Day***
“Thanks for letting her stay here.”
“No problem. You know I want to help.”
“It’s only until Kristine calms down about the whole thing.”
“It’s fine. She can stay as long as needed.”
I stand in the entry way of Grant’s house, my duffle bag in my hand as him and my dad talk. It’s quieter than my house. Probably because there’s no kids. Reanna had finally moved out, taking her and Grant’s kids with her. I’m starring into space when my dad rests a hand on my shoulder, making me jump. I give him a wary smile as he places a kiss on my forehead.
“I’ll call you tonight to see how you’re doing.” he says. “Thanks again, G.” he says turning to Grant.
“Don’t mention it. I’m glad to help.”
My dad pulls me into a tight hug before walking out the door and driving away.
***That Night***
Walking down the hall, I knock lightly on Grant’s door. I hear a mumbled ‘come in’ and open the door. Seeing him leaning against the headboard with a book in his lap, I can’t help smile a little.
“Hi.”
“Hey.” He says, turning a page in his book. “Something wrong?”
“Do you have any mouth wash?”
“I didn’t know my breath was that bad.” he smiles lightly at me, then frowns when he looks up at me. “God, you’re pale.”
“Thanks for kindly saying I look like shit.”
“I didn’t mean it like that.” He says, closing his book and standing up. I take this moment to realize that he’s only wearing pajama bottoms and I swallow the lump forming in my throat. “There’s no mouth wash in the bathroom?”
“No. I used it last time I got sick. And tooth paste isn’t doing the trick this time.” I say, leaning against the door frame as I begin to get dizzy again.
“I’ll go to the store in the morning. Are you alright?” He asks, walking over to me.
“Dizzy.” I mumble, my eyes closed.
I feel a hand on my arm and I crack one eye open to see him watching me with a worried face. “You should be sleeping.”
“Can’t.”
“Why?”
“Too cold.” I say, still unable to stop shaking.
“Come on.” He says, taking my hand and bringing me over to his bed.
Lifting up the blankets, he lays down, holding the blankets up for me to join him. Crawling under, I snuggle close to his body, desperate to warm up. Dropping the blanket, he protectively wraps his arms around me, holding me close to him. Curling up next to him, I lay my head on his chest and close my eyes. I feel him run a hand up and down my arm and I smile.
“Thank you.”
“For?”
“For making me feel safe.” I whisper. He kisses the top of my head and tightens his arms around me. “Grant?”
“Hmm?”
“I love you too.”