Remember - Chapter Five
Chapter Five
"Come in!" I yell as me and Kris sing into the plastic microphone attached to the TV.
Out of the corner of my eye i see Grant and my dad walk in. Somehow i don’t care that my dad is here. I'm guessing its the alcohol. We continue to sing the lyrics that appear on the screen, as my dad and Grant watch us.
"Madison Christine!" I hear my name being yelled as my dad rips the plug from the outlet. It takes a moment for me to notice that the TV is now black and I give a yelp when he grabs me by the shoulders. "What the fuck are you doing!"
Grant tells Kris to leave, but she refuses. They only leave once my dad yells at them. And i hope he isn't angry enough to hit me. I doubt he ever would, but you never know. I struggle a bit, his grip on my shoulders getting uncomfortable. He shakes me a bit, forcing me to look at him.
"You're fucking drunk." he snarls.
"I'm just ha...having some fun." I slur a bit. "No harm, no, foul." I say and try to free myself from him.
"No harm, no foul? You really believe that, Matti?" he says.
"I only had a f..few drinks." I say.
"A few? Matti, there's dozens of bottle around. What the hell were you thinking?"
"Why do you want me to think about everything!" I yell, finally getting away from his grasp.
"Because you need to think before you do stupid shit like this!"
"Why!"
"So this doesn't happen!" he yells, pointing between me and him.
"It doesn't have to happen if you would stop pushing me!"
"When do I ever push you?" he yells back.
"School, home, friends, college, work! You even fucking tell me how to dress and wear my god damn hair! You tell me to think about everything before i do it!"
"Because I love you, Matti! I just want what’s best for you!"
"If you wanted what's best for me then you would stop pushing me!"
"I can't stop pushing you Matti! If I stop, who knows how you'll end up!"
"You won't know until you stop! If i make a mistake then it's MY mistake. Not YOURS! I'm not the perfect little girl I was before you started this stupid show! I've changed and there's nothing you can do to change me back!"
"Fine! Fine! Do what you want! I don't fucking care anymore!" he yells and storms out.
Steve, Tango, Grant and Kris are standing in the hallway. They watch me through the open door and I turn away. Walking into the bathroom, I slam the door closed and lock myself in. Three hours later, i wipe the tears from my eyes and walk out of the bathroom. Kris is already sleeping, after hours of trying to get me out. I grab a bottle from the mini bar and walk out of the room. A few minutes later I lean against the back of the elevator and take a large gulp of the vodka. When it stops and the doors open, I'm glad that there is no one in the hallway. I hold myself up by the wall and make my down the hall. My bottle of vodka is not almost half gone and I attempt to hold onto it, but it slips from my hand. Falling to the ground, I watch it spill out a bit before scooping it back up and taking another large gulp.
I knock on his door and lean against the wall, waiting for him to answer. I know he'll understand. I just hope he isn't mad at me as well. When he opens the door, he hesitates before realizing that I'm there and he tells me to come in. By the look of him and slur of his words, it's obvious he has been drinking a bit too.
"Did I ever tell you what happened?"
"I know you and your dad had a fight." he says as he sits down and i move to look out the window. "Now he's out walking trying to calm down. Tango is out looking for him."
"Not that. I meant about before." I say and rest my head against the window, starring down at the street below.
"Before what? Why don't you tell me?"
"I started acting the way I do after I first snuck out."
"When was that?"
"About three months after the show started. I went to a party and got drunk. I was stupid and let some guy get me one of my drinks." I slur, my eyes starting to water now.
"What happened?" he's closer now, standing a few feet behind me.
"Next thing I know we're in a bedroom. I could hardly keep my eyes open I was so weak." I say quietly.
I hear him take a few steps forward until he's less than a foot away. "What did he do to you, Matti?"
I sniffle, trying to hold in the tears. "I never told anyone what he did. He wouldn't stop. He just kept telling me to be quiet. I couldn't stop him so I just laid there. When I woke up, I dressed and went home."
He places a hand on my shoulder and turns me around. Pulling me into a hug, he buries his face in my hair and holds me as I cry. "Shhh. It's okay, Matti."
"I never told anyone..." I cry, shaking my head, my eyes squeezed tightly together.
I cling to his shirt as if its the only thing keeping me alive. I feel as if he's holding me for hours until I finally look up at him. His eyes are caring and I drown in them. I run a hand through his hair, then cup his face. Chewing on my bottom lip, I lean up and brush my lips against his. I can taste the whiskey and beer on his lips and smell it in his breath. When i look up at him, his eyes are half closed. He licks his lips.
"We shouldn't do this, Matti." he whispers.
"Please? Just tonight?"
He looks down at me, trying to figure out what he should do. For a moment I think he’s going to tell me to leave, but then he cups my face with his hands and leans his forehead against mine. "Never again." he whispers before kissing me. He moves us over to his bed and lays me down. We pull at each other's clothes until there’s nothing left but skin. He reaches down to his pants on the floor and grabs his wallet. Pulling out a condom, he drops his wallet on the night stand. Getting frustrated, I take the condom from him and throw it next to his wallet.
"Birth control." i say before pulling him into a deep kiss.
***
I open my eyes and frown. I'm not in my room. If i wear, Kris would be in the bed next to me, instead of it being empty. I look at the clock; 1:27 AM. Feeling a warm arm wrap around my torso I look over my shoulder, my eyes widening.
"Oh my god..." i whisper to myself.
I gently move his arm off me and get out of bed. Gathering my clothes and getting dressed, i run out the door to the elevator. When it stops on my floor, i run to my room and close the door a bit louder than i would have liked. I'm pacing back and forth in the dark when Kris wakes up and turns on the light.
"What's going on?" she yawns. "Are you okay?"
I shake my head no and continue to pace rather fast, making myself dizzy in the process. A look of worry crosses her face and she gets out of bed and walks over to me. "What happened, Matti?"
"I did something bad, Kris. Really bad. Like, legit bad."
"How bad?"
"If-i-wasn't-going-to-hell-before-i'm-so-going-to-hell-now-kinda-bad, Kris." I hurry.
She places her hands on my shoulders to stop me from pacing. "What happened?" she says firmly.
I'm quiet for a minute in which i just stare at her, thinking of whether or not i can trust her enough. Then i decide and I tell her.
"I slept with Grant."