Failure

[cloakactive]

I didn't get the job. I still have a job, but I didn't get the job. I'm still a temp. There are things that are worse like being unemployed... but to be rejected again hurts. A few things I can think of hurt more so than being rejected... but this is still up there. As great as life can be I'll always be a failure. I can't help but think that. It's a hard pill to swallow but it's a reality I've come to accept more often now. I fuel my own disappointment as it is, this is just another milestone to add to the list of disappointments. When I look at what is important to me, all the negatives outweigh the positives. The few positives that I have I am desperately clinging to. However, I am clinging on to what I've got in such a way that I don't lose whats good. I don't want to exhaust those precious few positive resources.

I don't know how to stop myself from drowning anymore. I know how to hide how I feel. I know how to bury most of whats negative... but I'm still drowning. I'm still bleeding. I'm both happy and sad and it's getting harder to keep this sadness down.

Just another day.